Wednesday, September 15, 2010

writing the different story.

Three months ago today (the 16th), I got to work, and felt the most excruciating pain in my life -- kidney stones.  Today marks three months of no Coca-Cola and no Dr. Pepper.  I was an addict.  I probably drank 12 12-oz drinks a day.

Six weeks ago, something very bad happened to me.  It wasn't horrible as much as it destroyed a nest I'd built for myself.  I knew, immediately, that if I didn't make very drastic changes, things in my life would be significantly compromised.

The very first thing you see on this post is a picture of Jon Hamm as Don Draper from Mad Men.  Mad Men is in it's fourth season, and even though I've never watched before, I am hooked.  HOOKED.

Tonight, it occurred to me, that I am addicted to the story because the plot is a tiny bit surreal for me.

Don Draper is writing a new story for himself.  After (four seasons), a lot of alcohol, and womanizing (this is where the correlation ENDS!), he's writing a new story.

And I am too.

And I'm finding the writing a new story involves a level of intentionality that I am not used to operating at.  It requires a shift in my normal routines.  It requires good, but difficult change.

I've changed my grooming routine in the morning.  I've started taking a vitamin.  I plan for things more than ever before.  I schedule time for me, and time to fail.  I'm exercising.  I'm monitoring my caloric intake like never before.  But before the day is done, or at least before I lay my head down, I aim to accomplish and complete things.  At work, I'm changing everything.  The things that used to get my attention halfway?, now get them 100%.  I'm aware.  It's an acuteness that is taking time to adjust. 

Part of the adjustment involved stepping away from online (in part), and living some things that I'd only daydreamed of experiencing before.

And it's hard.

I feel that I have apologized to you more than a few times now, and I'm sorry doesn't cut it.  I need to be honest with you and say, that I miss this the most, but in order for me to be the best me I can be, this is the adjustment for now.  This is the season I mentioned in my last post.  It also means praying for you by name at night, not really knowing the depth of your needs, but knowing that God has placed You specifically in my life.  It's interceding for you without the lip service; just action, all action, if you know what I mean.

It's writing a new story for me. 

But I like it.

And I'm going to keep writing it.



Critty said...

I love this.


You do what you need to do.

Keep writing your new story my friend it is going to be beautiful.


Kristine said...

:) My favorite post!

slommler said...

It is difficult to make changes! And I am proud of you for doing so! You will be amazed at the results too! You go girl!! Write that new story!!
I have begun mine as well!!
Hugs and Good luck

Mimi said...

Your realness & honesty is moving. I pray for you also & will be here whenever you can share more.



Regina said...

Good for you for making changes that will make your life better.

Do what you've gotta do, girlie!

Staci said...

Oh Jen this is great. Can't wait to read the rest of your STORY!!

Amanda said...


You articulated something I've been going through for awhile now (not the kidney stones, thankfully! ha!); just a new season. And my new season has also included a DRASTIC decrease in my internet presence. I still haven't quite figured it out and so have just been quietly absent. I should probably get on it, though, before people start to think that I have been murdered or something! ;)

Praying for you too!