Wednesday, December 29, 2010

2011 goals.


I was looking over my 2010 goals, and well... I kinda failed.  No massive weight loss. No husband. No extensive travel.

So, I decided that 2011 needs to be simple.

Do I want to have plenty of money, a single digit waist, and a smokin' hot love of my life?  You betcha!!!  But is it worth sacrificing my sanity for?  No way.

Therefore, my 2011 goal is to be Happy.

To love me.
Love my body, whatever size and shape it may be.
Love the people around me, because I need them and they need me.
Love my job, being thankful for the opportunities God has give me.
Love my church, serving in every way possible (guest services, youth, small group, wherever...)
Love my friends, giving them and myself room to just be human and make mistakes
Love strangers, knowing that they were created in the image of God and they are special to him
Love my little apartment, doing my best to make it more home-y and inviting a few friends down.
Love my life, remembering that each day is a gift.


Any goals or resolutions for you for the new year?

xoxo,
Me.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

...

I was all set to write this post about how 2010 has stunk.  Maybe I still will.  Because I've made a blog change (and have hidden so much), I'm not in a place to do a true link-up. 

Also, I can't find a good reason to recap a year that was not all that great.

Long friendships ended
Loved ones lost.
Changes at work.
Family drama.

But, in the last three days, I've managed to get some good news.

News that 2011 will be better, and will at least be different.

I think that is making my upcoming new years' a bit more tolerable.

I know this is a vague post, but until all the details are firm and the airline tickets are purchased, I'm keeping blogmum about it and just tweeting.  ha ha ha!

xoxo,
Me.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

2010 in review:: music

Frankly, 2010 has stunk.  Instead of writing the post I want to write tonight, I thought I'd recap some of my favorite tunes from 2010.  As usual, I'll include a little bit of a description for each one...

  • Feel This - Enation  - I'm a big GH fan, and this is Jonathan Jackson's band.  There is something about this song that I just love.  It's soft, but powerful.
  • According to you - Orianthi - This song resonated with a past season of my life where, well, just listen to the lyrics and you'll understand why.
  • Heartbreak Warfare - John Mayer - I mean, if heartbreak is warfare, then I fended off WW3 10 years ago.  And I still have the battle scars to prove it.  Truthfully, I just love Mayer's voice.
  • Glitter in the Air - Pink - I saw her perform this at some awards show, and the quietness of this song, along with stunning lyrics resonated true for me.  Probably my favorite Pink song ever.
  • Shark in the Water - V.V. Brown - I heard this in a dressing room and Shazam'd it.  Love the beats and the flow of the song. 
  • The High Road - Broken Bells - this was an iTunes freebie that I fell in love with.
  • Love - Sara Groves - another blogger wrote out this song and it's beautiful.  I cry every time I listen to it.
  • You make me Happy - Lindsey Ray - this song makes me happy.
  • Where you are - Marc Broussard - oh to have a man say this about me? ONE DAY.  Marc has this fab voice that I adore!
  • Walk on the water - Britt Nicole - I can't remember where I heard this, but Britt has such a pretty voice.  After reading Jon Ortberg's book a few years ago, this has been an anthem to let go and move ahead.
  • If I die young - The Band Perry - Another song I heard in a dressing room (random?), but I love it.  If I only had a few more brothers and sisters and we could harmonize like that.  I'd be rich! Ha!
  • American Honey - Lady Antebellum - you can't not love this song.  period.
  • Mighty to Save - Hillsong United - such an awesome song.  HE IS mighty to save my wretched soul.
  • Beautiful, beautiful - Francesca Battistelli - this song is beautiful, beautiful.  So Good!
  • Every song from the Glee "Regionals" episode - I kept that ep on my DVR for six months.  Faithfully is my favorite, and my blog is named from the next mashup.  You'll hear it if you listen closely.
  • Touch - Natasha Bedingfield - She has an incredible raspy voice.  This song is great!
  • Bleed - Hot Chelle Rae - "I bleed my heart out on this paper, I bleed my heart out just for you".  I have no doubt there is some other meaning (don't ruin it for me), but I like this song anyway.
  • Better than Her - Matisse - I actually heard this on The Hills. Love the beats!
  • Baby - Justin Beiber (featuring Ludacris) - I can't help but find it ludicrous that Ludicrus is on this song and yet... and YET... it's still up here.  It just gets stuck in my head.
  • So You Are To Me - Eastmountainsouth - I heard this on a family channel movie (starring Patrick Dempsey).  This song is so beautiful!
  • The Finish Line - Train - I mentioned this when I was training for the 5k.  Love Love L.O.V.E. this song.
  • God gave me you - Dave Barnes - I double-dog-dare you to listen and not like this song. 
  • Our God - Chris Tomlin - I know there are several versions of this already, but I adore Tomlin's version.
  • Animal - Neon Trees - I shazam'd this back in the late summer and didn't download it soon enough.  Just really like this song!
  • Love the way you lie - Eminem (featuring Rihanna) - all the emotion in this song... wowsa...
  • More like falling in love - Jason Gray - just listen!!
  • Take me out - Atomic Tom - discovered it thanks to their youtube video, but loved them anyway!  (Also, the lead singer used to lead worship at my brother's church... truly is a small world!)
  • Dog days are over - Florence and the machine - one of those "season" songs. 
  • Terrified - Katherine McPhee with Zachary Levi - I ADORE this song.  Repeat repeat repeat!!!
  • Wish List - Neon Trees - one of my new Christmas faves!
  • Marry you - Glee Cast version (originally Bruno Mars) - will definitely be in my future!
I know my list is extensive, but I've downloaded 200+ songs this year... so this is a short list!!!

What are you favorite 2010 songs?
xoxo,
me

Friday, December 24, 2010

on the birth of our Lord.

I really, really wish that I had some beautiful profound post to write about Christmas.  Hopefully, I'll have a few pictures to share, but for the while, I'm coming to you from my very first laptop.

And the angels sang, "IT'S ABOUT TIME!!"

Yesterday, my brother and I celebrated Christmas with my Dad and his wife, and tonight, we celebrated with the rest of my family (both extended), then just immediate.

What a Christmas!!

It's been an adventure, and I've only been home two days.

Truthfully, more things have happened in the last two days, than the last two weeks, but this is neither the time, nor place to do that.

What I will say it....

For unto us a child is born. Who will grow and give his life for me.  A gift I am so unworthy of. 
Emmanuel.  Wonderful Counselor. Mighty God.  Everlasting Father. Prince of Peace.

Merry CHRISTmas to you and yours...

xoxo,
Me.

Monday, December 13, 2010

season of 32.


Today was my 32nd birthday. (The 13th in case the posting date is off.)

I sat down earlier today to write my 32 in 32, a personal manifesto of goals for this next year and then realized it was kind of ridiculous.

31 has been a hard season of change, mostly learning to guard myself, install some privacy, not talk as much, and not tell people some things.  Yes, I said it, some things are left unsaid.  I wish I'd learned this lesson before the last week and a half so that I didn't have to continue doing damage-control, but I can't shut everyone up, and hoping is futile.  Accept, apologize when necessary, move on.

I pray that 32 is not like that.  I am amazed at the blessings God has dumped in my lap in the last few weeks.  This 31st season of loneliness has been replaced with a group of people that have instant love. My calendar has gone from "not that busy" to "I don't have a free day for the next two weeks". 

And I love it.

I have laughed at myself a lot this year.  I've talked to myself a lot too.  I've said some really dumb things.  I've tried hard to be silly, because being serious is SOOOO exhausting. 

My 32 in 32 is going to be printed and hung in my shower so that every morning, I can remind myself of what's important. 

God   Family   Friends   Career   Love.   Hope   Faith    Giving   Integrity  Privacy  Vocabulary  Travel and Style.

Here's to a fabulous 32nd season of life...

xoxo,
Me.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

O Christmas Tree... part Tres...

Here is part 1 and part 2 if you haven't caught up yet...

Today, after my umpteenth complaint about the tree. I told the Lord that thing was coming down.  Funny how God has a way of humbling me though... in reminding me how I wasn't praying some of my coworkers like I should.  Instead, they were only feeling my frustrations.


So, I got off my high horse and listened to God.  Who, in a way that won't make sense to anybody, told me to go finish the tree and shut up about it.

Looking at the picture, I can see something I need to fix, but other than that, I'm proud of it.

And yes, those are numbers on the tree because I work in accounting.  Corny, but cute.

xoxo,
Me.

Monday, December 6, 2010

mash-up.

This last week (7 days that is) has not been so great.  :(  Lessons learned I suppose... but in the spirit of posting, here goes:

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::



I have an addiction.

to Wii.

I have NEVER been a videogamer, but I have played until WAY Too long the last week.  I also have a wii-injury.  My thumb is burned so bad from the controller that it's not funny.  I have an ice pack for my finger because of Mario.  CRAZINESS.

I think I'm going to spring for Just Dance 2 & Biggest Loser for Wii at some point in the future.  I cannot express my excitement!!!

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

God has put a group of girls in my life in Dalton... and I cannot be more thankful!  I have wonderful friends in Cleveland that I love deeply, but there's just no way I can go to visit so often.  These girls have become a lifeline to me in such a short time.  Thankful, Thankful!

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

I tweeted that the music I've downloaded in the last month is somewhat shameful.  In the spirit of disclosure, here you go:

1.  You are Holy - Christ for the Nations
2.  Crushcrushcrush - Paramore
3.  I See the Light - Mandy Moore & Zachary Levi (From Tangled)
4.  Somebody to Love - Justin Beiber (I should totally have to turn in my responsible adult card.  Where do I do that??)
5.  Marry Me - Glee
6.  Terrified - Katharine McPhee with Zachary Levi (Anyone noticing a theme???)
7.  Very Merry Christmas - Dave Barnes
8.  Stay Amazed - Gateway Worship
9.  Strip Me - Natasha Bedingfield
10. The Great Escape - Boys Like Girls
11.  Sweet Serendipity - Lee DeWyze
12.  Firework - Katy Perry
13.  Stolen - Dashboard Confessionals (I know it's older, but I L<3Ve it)
14.  Eyes of Grace - Enation

Well... I need to go to bed.

xoxo,
Me.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

aphiemi.

My FBC ladies and I are doing a Beth Moore Bible study on Revelations.

Good stuff. 

I know that today is what (many) are celebrating as the second day of Advent. 

So in that spirit, I thought I'd share something I gleaned from the video tonight:

"Forgiveness and Hurt cannot dwell in the same set of hands.  You must relinquish one in order to grasp the other."

I struggle with that.

This week, just a day ago, I found something that hurt me deeply.  It was something small and (probably) stupid, but I wound up crying for an hour about it.  And I had to realize that I don't allow many things to hurt me.  Things do a little, but this year, I've found myself walking away instead of dealing with the emotions of it all.  Bottling it up, putting it away, repressing the whole of it.

Quite frankly, it scares the hell out of me that I can be so cold.  So disconnected.

I don't want to be this way.

I have to decide to stop trying to hold the hurt and the forgiveness in the same hands.

And wouldn't you know that I realize how exhausting it has been trying to do so?

here's to my own aphiemi...

xoxo,
Me.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

O Christmas Tree, part deux

This is going to turn into a multi-parter!!


Here is the tree now. It looks finished, but it's not. There is a bit of silver to be added, a pretty tree skirt, some ribbon, and a few more fake presents.


But today?? Today has brought out the opinions. I've had no less than 5 people walk by my office and tell me that the tree is 1) blah, 2) ugly, or (my personal favorite) 3)a brilliant example that I have no sense of style. I was also asked if I was colorblind since I picked green and blue together. Much to their dismay, I am not!


A few years ago, I saw a Wicked! Christmas tree in Crate & Barrel. To this day, that was one of the prettiest trees I've ever seen, all done in lime green, silver, and black. I know that my fellow cohorts can't quite handle that, but I did want more than traditional Christmas colors, you know??

Clearly tomorrow holds more challenges. Oh, and I failed to mention that the original coworker who approached me? Well, she didn't decorate it. DRAMA!!!

Stay tuned...

xoxo,
Me.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas tree...

… you may just be the death of me.

Very shortly after I started with my company, I was approached to take on the Christmas party. Apparently, no one else wants to do the Christmas party, so delegating this to the new girl seemed like a great idea.

And over the last five years (save for last year’s DRAMA), I’ve enjoyed doing it.

Along those lines, the putting-up, decorating, and tearing-down of the Christmas tree on our floor has also fallen into my hands. While putting up and taking the tree down are a bit of a chore, I don’t mind. There are a thousand reasons to not celebrate Christmas at work, mostly because people are discouraged about the economy. Since I fall on the glass-half-full line of thinking, I put the tree up for no reason other than dispelling those negative thoughts.

Fast forward to three-and-a-half weeks ago: A small division of one of the departments on our floor has recently moved back to our building. These ladies are creative and I was excited about having them back. One of them approached me about decorating the tree with new stuff this year. I was THRILLED. I asked her to keep her receipts and we’d split the cost but that the tree would be fun. I specifically said that the tree needed to go up last week because it’s considered a “down week” and no one would be here. She agreed 100%. Over the next few weeks, we looked at ornaments and picked up (and brought in) what we were going to decorate the tree with, except for just a few things.

So last Monday, I came to work with all the stuff I signed up to bring – lights, extra ornaments, MY ENTHUSIASM – and approached this coworker about putting the tree up. She tried to fluff me off, but I persisted and she told me to go ahead and put the tree up and that it would be decorated that afternoon.

Well, at 4:00 that Monday, last Monday, she came to my office, and told me that she didn’t have everything she needed and that she would decorate the tree over the weekend.

At this point I’m confused. It’s MONDAY. Doesn’t the weekend imply Saturday or Sunday???

Lo and behold, she was taking off the rest of the week. So there was a 6 foot tree in the middle of a fairly busy hallway with nothing on it but lights.

ARGH.

Yesterday (a week later), I took off. I needed a Sabbath. I didn’t get out of my pajamas or put on a bra. (IT WAS MARVELOUS.)

I got to work today, and you know what?

THE TREE IS STILL NOT DECORATED.

Heaven help me. I generally believe that losing one’s sanctification on the basis of a fake spruce is not a good reason, but I think I’m waning.






xoxo,
Me.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

i am thankful...

This time last year, I sat in a lobby of a hotel in New York City and watched a homeless man take off all his clothes, bathe himself, put on fresh clothes, and dispose of the old ones on a street corner.

I wish I could say that that image is long gone from my mind, but it's not. And I kind of pray that it never leaves.

This morning, I've been reading my facebook newsfeed. It seems that every person I'm friends with has posted some "Happy Thanksgiving" message of their own, most complete with what they're thankful for. This makes my heart so full.

But I can' t help but think about that man. Where is he this year? Is he getting a good meal? Where did he sleep last night? Does anyone miss him? Where is his family?

I can't help but think that the only thing separating him from me is a set of circumstances. This year, I've seen how quickly circumstances can snowball and life can change so quickly that you don't have time to catch your breathe, much less figure out what's going on.

So, this year, I'm thankful for THOUSANDS of things. I'm thankful for you. I'm thankful for God, and His mercy and love that I don't deserve... and yet, He pours out so generously, so new each day. I'm thankful for my crazy, loud, they-drive-me-crazy-sometimes, wonderful family. I'm thankful for my parents, all four of them. I'm thankful for my brother. I'm thankful for my step-sister and step-brothers, even though we are not close. I'm thankful for my friends who became my family. I'm thankful for my job, for food on the table, for clothes on my back, a warm place to sleep, an outlet for my emotions, and for freedom.

"I am thankful, that I'm incapable, of doing any good on my own" -- Caedmon's Call

"And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." Eph 5:20

xoxo,
Me.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Dear Lord,


I'm trying not to lust, but this photo is making it VERY HARD.

xoxo,
Me.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

I...

am an over sharer.

OI!!

My lack of blogging these last four months or so have led to my blurting out random things in social settings.

SO... AWKWARD...

:)

I cannot wait for Christmas to get here.  I, have never owned a laptop.  Archaic... I know, but still true.  I haven't really ever needed one per se, but always wanted one and yet had other wants/needs that outweighed laptop ownership.  But this Christmas, I'm joining the new millennium with a portable computer.  Praise the Lord.

I'm also going to make sure my wifi is up and running (it should be, but does not register on my phone ;(  ), so that I can blog from my downstairs.

Basically, I just confessed that location is the reason I don't blog.  Or laziness to walk up the stairs.  Truthfully, I just don't spend THAT much time upstairs. 

But I do miss the bloggy community.  I miss the cathartic-ness of it all in getting out feelings.  I miss checking my facebook on more than a iphone screen. 

So... I'm challenging myself to blog semi-regularly for the next few weeks to re acclimate back to the blogging culture.  I've missed y'all!

And Lord knows I'm going to be disowned by my local friends if I don't stop with all the blurting and such.

all my xoxo,
me.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

bloggy mojo.

Dear life, how 'bout we slow this ride down, mkay?

The last two weeks have been a whirlwind for me!  Work has been Cuh-ray-zee lately as have my other obligations!  More than a few people have decided to nominate me for things as church, so I have been quite busy with that too!

I decided to take a few days off and visit my parents (first visit home since the middle of September).

So, i can only leave you with a bunch of randoms.

  • I try to laugh at myself once a day.  I tend to take myself WAY TOO serious. 
  • I did not laugh last Friday when, at 2:30 in the morning, I decided to hurl myself down my stairs.  Although I am positive that my neighbors thought I had taken out a wall. 
  • Okay, now I'm laughing about that!
  • I'm pretty sure the lady who did my pedicure today told her friend (in perfect English) "I'm good dude", then proceeded to finish her conversation in vietnamese.  So funny!
  • It occurred to me that Chinese babies must not think their parents are speaking chinese when they first hear them.  Maybe greek?  Or Arabic? 
  • I really want Alabama to beat the HELL out of Auburn. 
  • As an early birthday/Christmas present combo.
  • I know, it's bad but I can't help it.
  • I love that it's finally getting cool/cold!!
  • 2010 has flown by!  Where did September go????
  • I have gotten so many compliments on my "Flo" costume.  It was so much fun!
  • All my former rules for SEC football have gone out the window this year.
  • My biological clock is ticking... SO LOUD.
  • I'm observing No Shave November in honor of a friend with prostate cancer, by not shaving my legs.  I'm pretty sure I scared my aforementioned pedicurist.  So sorry girl!
That's all!  Hope you all are having a wonderful November so far!

xoxo,
Me.

Monday, November 1, 2010

halloween feliz.

I really like Halloween.  I grew up in the 80's which, if you were in the same religious circles I was in, meant that the latter half of the decade (and early 90's) were characterized with different evangelists coming around telling you how Halloween was going to send you to Hell.

So basically it was a fun time in pentacostal circles, no?

So... there were a great deal of costumes that were off limits!  Also, I am creative AFTER the fact (sometimes), so I could always come up with a great costume after halloween.  Sadness!

Well, for the last four years, my friends and I have thrown a halloween party.  We've had presidential hopefuls, Scooby-licious characters, rednecks, football players, an oompa-loompa, and Dog the Bounty Hunter.

As you can imagine, each year a proverbial gauntlet is thrown down to be better (and funnier) with your costume! 

Basically, I've been a disappointment in years past.

However...

this year, I brought my A game!

My original intention was to be Sue Sylvester.  Sadly, Adidas decided not to manufacture enough red track suits (FAIL!), so I started back at square one.  Fortunately, my Mom is the sharpest tack in the drawer.  She mentioned Flo, from the Progressive commercials, and I decided to run with it.

best. costume. to. date.

Yay!  Success!!  Here are a few pics... enjoy!

xoxo,
me.






Thursday, October 28, 2010

will the circle be unbroken?

Oh lawdy-mercy, there is so much happening with me these days!!!  Unfortunately, none of that translates to (me) making it upstairs in my hizzy to blog.  Sadness!!  Please accept my apologies for these random points I desperately need me make!

1) I'm just now getting around to responding to your comments from the 5K.  Talk about feelin' the love.  I am overwhelmed!!  It's still weird to me that I ran the whole thing, and even weirder that my body is revolting.  I have gained 6 pounds in a week and a half.  BOO.  Regardless, I am scheduled to run another 5K this Saturday and next Saturday. I am keeping this up!!

2) If you've not been following the arrogance of the blogger from Marie Claire, here are a few links:  Here and  here.  This is SO OFFENSIVE that I don't even know what to say.  I'm boycotting Marie Claire, and I'm asking you, whether you're a Double Zero or a 52, to do the same. 

As an aside, if you think fat girls are disgusting here are a few suggestions 1) stop reading my blog or 2) email me your address and a few of my fat friends and I will be happy to have a "come to Jesus meeting" with you in a parking lot.  That's just how I feel.  Jen Lancaster's response was respectable, in case you'd like to read it here.   I don't care how big (or small) your behind is -- that should not be the litmus test to judge people by, anymore than skin color, race, religion, or height.

3) For Halloween, my friends and I have a costume party.  We have for the last four years now.   This year, I was beyond psyched to dress up as Sue Sylvester.  Sadly, I cannot find a plain red track suit in my size in Eastern Tennessee or North Georgia.  Either there are going to be a LOT of Sue's, or the track suit manufacturers (I'm talking to you Adidas!!) missed their chance to really boost sales.   Buncha 'tards.  I have decided (thanks to my Mom) on another equally recognizable costume.  I will post pictures after the party so as not to give away my superfun costume.  Also, this year's costume does not involve facial hair, thank the Lord.

4) On Monday (my last day searching for a costume), I got really frustrated.  I couldn't even find a red jogging suit to modify for a costume, so I decided to try on boots.  My calves are too big.  (P.S. I really like my legs... always have, and this hasn't been a problem in years!!)  I was discouraged, so I decided to drown my sorrows and do something I've never done.  I bought myself a real piece of jewelry.


I walked into a store, and saw something I immediately liked.  It's part of the Everlon collection (although I cannot find it online).  I had a ring that I bought at American Eagle ten years ago.  It was a simple silver band that I adored.  I paid $6 for it.  I wore it all the time.  Shortly after I started training this summer, my ring disappeared and my finger has been lonely!  Out of disappointment for the boots not fitting, no costume in sight, and the loss of my favorite ring, I splurged. 

And I love the symbolism. 

My single heart has been very heavy the last few weeks.  I am blessed (I'll be the first to tell you that), but my biological clock is starting to tick louder, and my heart has ached.  It's frustrating and I've been thinking about some heavy decisions for my life.  I know that God is woven so intricately into my life that not trusting Him is not an option for me.  Doubting him (or not fully remembering his promises) however, is a part of my own frail humanity.  I get sad.  I get disappointed.  I wish.  You know? 

But this ring, this everloop with the Lord, is my reminder that He is in control of my life.  He sees the desires of my heart, and while I can come up with 1001 ways to "help" Him, I know (down deep) that he doesn't need my help.  He needs my doubt to vanish, and my questions to quiet. 

and so I hold on to that.

5)  A few months ago (during my "I shall read everything I can get my hands on" phase), Mimi asked me to be a contributor to a book blog.  For reasons that have nothing to do with her (or anyone else) that incident somehow turned into my reading Kryptonite and I've been unable to pick up a book... that is, until this weekend. (I'm so sorry Mimi!!  Y'all make a point to stop by the book review blog!!)

Getting ready to fly home, I grabbed Hoda Kotb's book -- Hoda -- at the LaGuardia airport.  I never watch the fourth hour of the Today show, and really couldn't tell you anything about Hoda until now, but I. COULDN'T. PUT. THIS. BOOK. DOWN.  I absolutely loved it!  And it was a challenge to women too.

I leave you with something from her book:

"Don't hog your journey.  It's not just for you.  Think of how many people you could have helped on the plane ride home.  You can take your business, shove it deep in your pockets, and take it to your grave.  Or you could help someone.  It's your choice."

Why I blog (although not on such a consistent basis anymore) is because I want my journey to matter.  It matters to me, I think it matters to God, and I want to it matter to someone else.  I need that random affirmation that I matter.  My guess is that you do too.  So don't hog your journey.  Keep sharing your lives with people around -- the good, the not so good, the heartbreaking, and the hilarious -- because you never know when somebody will need it.  Sometimes even you.

xoxo,
Jenn

Saturday, October 16, 2010

completion.

If I even knew where to start all this, I would be so much better!!

The last three months have been so revealing for me.  To many of you, I have been unnecessarily (and some even perceived as disrespectfully) silent.  Totally not my intention.  I've just been focused.


I've had to learn a lot about me.  Acknowledging that I can have a defeated attitude when I want to.  There's a spiritual parallel here, but for time's sake (and the fact that I am EXHAUSTED), I'm going to skip that tonight.

But here's the Real Deal:  Today, this lovely sixteenth day of October, I ran a 5k.  Mind you, snails passed me, but I stayed in motion the entire time.  I ran with another lady from my church, who'd had gall bladder surgery in September no less.  In my mind, she was my fellow miner.  She was someone that I wasn't going to leave.  Running alone is not something I really love, it's something I find myself having to do and know that I need too, but still, not something I enjoy.  I knew this morning, from the get-go, without having to be told, that I needed to stay with her, and that she would stay with me.  It was so weird and awesome at the same time.

When we got to the last .10 of a mile, she broke down bawling.  (And for reasons I don't want to uncover, I did not.  SHOCKER!)

Here's what else I know: I am not a pushover.  I am not less than.  I deserve God's best for me, and regardless of what I do to screw things up at times, I know God is faithful.  He ran right alongside me this morning.  He is my comfort and present help.  His grace will sustain me, and his mercy engages me.  His love is everlasting and his promises are good!

I ran this race, and I can run a lot of others.  That doesn't mean I can quit training; it doesn't mean I'll place first or last.  It means I CAN run them.  It means I CAN finish.

and I will.

xoxo,
me.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

hello darlin'. it's been a long time.

Yes, yes I believe it has been.

Quite long in fact.  OOps!

I had nary an intention to go so long without an update.  I am quite alive, in modest health, and very blessed!

I've had an eventful few weeks.  I somehow got injured (both knees and my right hip), and it took time for that to heal.  Work has been really busy, and that's a good thing.

I had some car trouble this weekend, but I never cease to be amazed at God's goodness.  On. Time. ALL. the. Time.

I've also booked a trip to New York City for the weekend after my race.  I'm deeming that as  a treat to myself.

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I can't help but wonder if I'm going to forget how to blog, having been so long and all.  I'm sure that sounds silly, but you know the adage of loosing the skills you don't use? Well, that's how I feel.

Very soon, I'm going to take time and blog about 2010, and the paradox of tumultousness and calmness that this year has exhibited. 

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Randoms:

  • my office chair makes my hiney go numb.  It's so weird.
  • I think the Lord is dealing with me about taking a week off from television.  I feel like I've been fighting the Lord about this and I'm not sure why.
  • I found tonight's Glee, (and last night's Mike & Molly) rather offensive.  I'm contemplating whether or not I'll keep watching them.
  • I'm not into The Biggest Loser this year.  Not sure why.
  • I have not had to deal with ragweed thanks to my shots.  Hallelujah.
  • I think my clothes are multiplying.
  • We have a "crazy" at work.  I'm not poking fun at mental illness... I don't what's wrong with this woman, but I worry about my tires every afternoon.  When she loses it finally, things will get ugly.
  • I'm as disconnected to my real life friends as I am my online ones.  That was weird to write, but so true.
  • My grandmother signed me up for a subscriptions to Guide Posts.
  • In other news, my AARP subscription starts the same day.  ha!
Love y'all... mean it!

xoxo,
me.

Monday, September 27, 2010

... after these messages!

Contrary to popular belief, I have not forsaken my little blog! I'm working on a doozie of a post that I hope to have up this evening!!

Hope you're having a great day!!

xoxo,
me.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

writing the different story.


Three months ago today (the 16th), I got to work, and felt the most excruciating pain in my life -- kidney stones.  Today marks three months of no Coca-Cola and no Dr. Pepper.  I was an addict.  I probably drank 12 12-oz drinks a day.

Six weeks ago, something very bad happened to me.  It wasn't horrible as much as it destroyed a nest I'd built for myself.  I knew, immediately, that if I didn't make very drastic changes, things in my life would be significantly compromised.

The very first thing you see on this post is a picture of Jon Hamm as Don Draper from Mad Men.  Mad Men is in it's fourth season, and even though I've never watched before, I am hooked.  HOOKED.

Tonight, it occurred to me, that I am addicted to the story because the plot is a tiny bit surreal for me.

Don Draper is writing a new story for himself.  After (four seasons), a lot of alcohol, and womanizing (this is where the correlation ENDS!), he's writing a new story.

And I am too.

And I'm finding the writing a new story involves a level of intentionality that I am not used to operating at.  It requires a shift in my normal routines.  It requires good, but difficult change.

I've changed my grooming routine in the morning.  I've started taking a vitamin.  I plan for things more than ever before.  I schedule time for me, and time to fail.  I'm exercising.  I'm monitoring my caloric intake like never before.  But before the day is done, or at least before I lay my head down, I aim to accomplish and complete things.  At work, I'm changing everything.  The things that used to get my attention halfway?, now get them 100%.  I'm aware.  It's an acuteness that is taking time to adjust. 

Part of the adjustment involved stepping away from online (in part), and living some things that I'd only daydreamed of experiencing before.

And it's hard.

I feel that I have apologized to you more than a few times now, and I'm sorry doesn't cut it.  I need to be honest with you and say, that I miss this the most, but in order for me to be the best me I can be, this is the adjustment for now.  This is the season I mentioned in my last post.  It also means praying for you by name at night, not really knowing the depth of your needs, but knowing that God has placed You specifically in my life.  It's interceding for you without the lip service; just action, all action, if you know what I mean.

It's writing a new story for me. 

But I like it.

And I'm going to keep writing it.

xoxo,
Me.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

this is my prayer.


In every season of our lives, I believe God will give you little things to constantly put your life in perspective.

At the close of every chapel service during my collegeiate experience, the entire body is led to recite aloud the college benediction.

For me, no word from God rings truer in this season then that benediction:

"Let the words of my mouth, and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer."  Psalm 19:14

xoxo,
Me.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Reunion 2010

This past weekend, my favorite college buddies and I met in Gatlinburg at this place

and we

and we


and we played


and we


and some more...


and we


and


some more.

And we took lots of


We were


and


and we had a good time.

TOGETHER.



xoxo,
Me.

Monday, August 30, 2010

to say what you need to say.

I'm in a season of keeping my mouth shut.

It has to be one of my least favorite seasons of life, and yet, I know that it's critically important to just stay quiet.

This is not the normal, natural response for a reactor.

Things in my life are changing and while they are, well, scary, I know and have to believe that God is seeing me and will see me through.  I refuse to believe otherwise.  And I'm trying NOT to comment. 

And to make this season even crazier, I'm intentionally asking God to change me.

In a few situations in my life, I am both cognitively aware and heart-aware that the other folks are never going to change.  I'm taking away any expectations that they can change, and asking God to make the changes in me.

I can honestly say that I never really expected to pray for that.

here goes...

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I've had some pain in my knee and hip so I've had to scale back on my workouts.  I am refusing to stop but am acutely aware that I need to take care of my body.  I didn't gain 60 pounds overnight and hope as I may, I won't lose it that way either.

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The blogging community that you are never ceases to amaze me, encourage me, inspire me, and love me.  I wish I had the financial means to come to where you are, buy you dinner, give you a ginormous hug, and tell you how much I love you.  Since I can't, I hope this will suffice.

From the bottom of my heart, with all my heart, thank you, and I love you.

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Lastly, I need a vacation. 

Hallelujah, and pass the airline tickets.

AMEN.

xoxo,
me.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

it's meeting the man of your dreams… and then meeting his beautiful wife.

As I write this, I can’t help but find the irony (get it?) of Alanis Morrisette’s song and how it applies to my oh-so-interesting day Thursday, also one of the occupational hazards of being a single woman.

I need to preface what I write with this: these are my thoughts. I would never in a million years cross any lines because that’s not me. If after reading this, you feel an urge to berate me in the comments, suppress it. I will probably retaliate and you'll regret your choice.

There is a guy that I work with that I have talked via phone to for the last five years. He has the best phone voice, a combination of Good ‘Ole Boy and college education. He is funny, and we’ve talked about everything from church to politics to family. He is married with 2 kids and he knows I’m single.

Thursday, I had to pick something up from him. Despite the fact that we’ve corresponded for so long and that we’ve been a quarter mile from one another all this time, we had never met.

I tend to find 90% of men attractive. I rule them as completely disgusting after I witness something they do. There are exceptions, like the Great Date Escape of Oh-10. Because I lean toward the almost-always-attractiveness-line, I rarely have anyone take my breath away. In my 31 years, I’d say like twice, tops.

But this guy took my breath away. It happened so fast and so instantaneously that it scared me. He walked away from a meeting to stand beside me and all I could think was ala-Joey-Russo – “Woah!”. I mean, WOAH is right. He wasn’t one of your typical drop dead gorgeous guys. (I tend to lean toward the non-traditional hotties anyway), but something about him got me.

I know this is going to sound just as crazy, but I’m telling you I had one of those movie moments where I know he felt it too.

And it scared the bah-ju-ju out of me.

Lest you all think I’m some marriage-breaker-up (WHICH I’M NOT), please know that nothing and I mean nothing will ever happen. I value marriage. What I did realize is that I miss, and I long for, THAT feeling. Someone to take my breath away.

It’s so easy sometimes to fall prey to the thoughts that settling is an option. If you knew what I’d been entertaining the last few weeks some of you would be ashamed of me. I am 31. I’m still single. I’ve foolishly focused some attention on a guy thinking that he should love me! Writing that down is as preposterous as the thinking behind it. I shouldn’t have to negotiate with anyone for them to love me. Regardless of the awesomeness I bring to the table, love should never be forced. Or contractual. It should just happen naturally.

It should be someone taking my breath away…

I think.

xoxo,
me.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

breathe. stretch. shake. run.

My life is all about running right now.  I could bore you with the details, but I'm trying to spare you.  It's going well, I'm still sweating like Cuh-ray-zy, and I'm loving it.  Endurance, endurance, endurance!!

I have completely disconnected electronically while at work.  I have days where it's frustrating, but OH! so necessary.  The only downside is that I'm missing all of y'all!!  With the addition of running and the fact that my computer is not in an advantageous spot in my home, I miss out on reading your wonderful thoughts and words on Your blogs. 

The upside to all this running is that now my body has decided to wake up at a decent hour every day.  With this, I may be able to blog regularly and read your lovely things!  YAY!

Come to think of it, my life may be all about explanation right now.

Pop quiz -- how do you define the difference between explanation and excuse?

Anywhoodle-oo.  I'm trying to think of exciting things going on in my life?????????????

I've got nothing.  :)

But, I do love you all (even though I haven't met most of you!) and pray that today is a wonderful day for you!!!

xoxo,
me.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

a whole lot of randomness.

I'm heading out to run in a few seconds.  I haven't blogged in a few days.  Oops.  Thank you if you're still here.

P.S.  Your comments have been the things that helped keep me going this week.

I had the most hellacious week in 5 years.  I was WAY past the end of my rope/tying knots crap.  WAY PAST.

And it's funny how God works because right in the middle of my terribleness, he used my Mom to send a prayer.  I boo-hoo'ed the entire prayer, as I simultaneously read it and prayed. 

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Running this week kicked my butt.  BIG TIME.  I'm a wee bit nervous of tonight's run.

I've been listening to Kristen Chenoweth's audio book -- she is HYSTERICAL.  You should audio-read it.  She's so funny as she narrates her own life.

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When I haven't been listening to her, I've been pulling some good jams:

Dave Barnes -- God gave me you.  DAVE'S VOICE IS LIKE BUT-TAH.  SWEET & CREAMY BUT-TAH.
Billionaire -- Travis McCoy. (Find the radio edit if you can.)
Georgia Clay -- Josh Kelley.  I really could care less about his wife, but I like this song.
Club Can't Handle Me -- Flo Rida.  HELLO? I'M RUNNING.  I NEED SOME GOOD BEATS. And I like Flo Rida.
Lover, Lover -- Jerrod Neimann.   Such a catchy rhythm.  Lovin' it.
The Finish Line - Train.  I think this song resonates with me so much now because of some goals.  Such a good song.
Bleed -- Hot Chelle Rae.  Love the crescendo from words to chorus. 
First to Fall -- Laura Shay.  I can only blame the Hallmark channel and it's cheesy/Saturday-sustaining movies for this. Ha!
Dynamite -- Taio Cruz.   I know, judge me if you need to, but I like the musicality of it all.

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Other that than, I'm just praying a lot.  I WILL get through this thing in my life.  I am not weak!

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lastly?

Dear People.com,

Unless you're telling me that she has gotten saved (FOR REAL), please stop writing about Lindsay Lohan.  She needs Jesus and pants (in that order), and I don't care if she's in rehab or jail, or anything. 

Thanks,
JC

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xoxo,
Me.