Wednesday, March 29, 2006


Funny things said/thought/read today:

Donald Miller: "Apparently Jesus had not heard of the wonderful tool of acronym. He mostly told stories, some of which were outlandish. Step One: Drink my blood. Step Two: Eat my flesh. Do you know what having to read something like that would to do a guy trying to process dairy products?"

(I was honestly crying I was laughing so hard when I read that.)

In the FTE class I attended tonight: "God gave us two of everything, except a tongue, and he put a picket fence in front of that."

(It was just so unexpected it made everyone laugh.)

WSFA: (From a twelve year old girl about "They totally called me a HO online."

Here comes a nugget that I thoroughly enjoyed and want to share: "The truth is there are a million steps (to having/building a relationship with God), and we don't even know what the steps are, and worse, at any given moment we may not be willing or even able to take them; and still worse, they are different for you and me and they are always changing. I have come to believe the sooner we find this truth beautiful, the sooner we will fall in love with the God who keeps shaking things up, keeps changing the paths, keeps rocking the boat to test our faith in Him, teaching us not to rely on easy answer, bullet points, magic mantras, formulas, or genies in lamps, but rather His guidance, His existence, His Mercy, and His Love."

I am ashamed to write that I read a totally off the wall book. It's one of the few times I am geniunely ashamed of what I read. I'm now reading Donald Miller's Searching for God knows what which will totally rock your world if you'll let it. He's not "formula" enough for me to get bored, or try experimenting with things that don't work, but honest and grounded enough to speak the truth in a loving manner. His whole chapter on "Reality is like fine wine; it doesn't appeal to children", made me think of how we as evangelical, pentacostal Christians often refer to Christians who as still babies and not on mature food. Spiritual reality will not appeal to someone who has never been around spiritually mature people. I'm not gonna harp on this, but I was intrigued by the mention.

I leave you with this -- in class tonight, the teacher said "What do you think God is capable of?" My mind immediately (and I mean IMMEDIATELY) starting with the tune "GOD IS BIGGER THAN THE BOOGIE MAN; HE'S BIGGER THAN GODZILLA OR THE MONSTERS ON TV. OOOOOOOOOOHHH GOD IS BIGGER THAN THE BOOGIE MAN, AND HE'S WATCHING OUT FOR YOU AND ME!!! I have no idea where it came from, but I almost laughed out loud in a room of 30 stranger while they were intently talking about healing.

Nitey - Nite!

Monday, March 27, 2006


What to do 'til love finds you?

Sit on your butt and wait.

There are days when I think I have some people pegged. And then, in a flash, they do something that seems (to me) to be completely absurd, ridiculous, and absolutely preposterous. Now, I realize that I have no room to talk. Anyone who's seen me walk out of my house on Saturday morning will attest to this. And, I do other lame-brained things. WOW.

Let me say this: Despite contrary reports, I exercise some control with my mouth. Not much, but some. Once I start going, I often say things that I regret and just go totally overboard. This has always been the case. But in my defense, I do not say ALOT more things than I really could. End of subject.

Today was good. I got to work on time -- A+ for me. Worked on shower stuff and a little reunion stuff. I still have quite a few really big decisions to make... so, I need prayer if anyone is sending them up.


Saturday, March 25, 2006


Had company come visit this weekend. We've really had a good time. I'll try to post a picture later.

Tonight I discovered that the infamous "Ex-Wife" that I have spoken so dreadfully of is on myspace. I am fighting my humanity hard to not say something I will regret here. I have been having dreams about her lately, although I haven't the foggiest idea why. It's just very strange to see her on here.

Along with that little skirmish, I still can't seem to let go of the very thing I want, even though I continue to believe that it's not that great for me. That probably sounds stupid, but tonight I was watching a commercial and the name flashed on the screen. I am so silly in that I want to read into things that have no value.

Tomorrow is a new day, filled with it's own challenges. I have alot of decisions still to make. I watched TLC, and it made me want to move out to Vegas or really anywhere out west. An old friend that's been living in Wyoming is moving back to Georgia with the birth of his first nephew.

All in all... I'm just in a really weird mood, but I felt like blogging a little bit. Later...

Thursday, March 23, 2006


I am sad to discover that my "dream husband" and favorite actor is going to have a baby with his wife JENNIFER.

"This disappointeth me verily much!!!"

Tuesday, March 21, 2006


8:00 -- Still driving to work. (Totally running late this morning)
9:00 -- Busy working on account reconciliations
10:00 -- Group decision on where to go to lunch -- Big Boss taking everyone out.
11:00 -- Recons & Waiting for lunch
11:30 - 12:45 -- Lunch with entire department at Logan's.
1:00 -- Uughh.
2:00 -- Having a hard time concentrating on work.
3:00 -- Weight loss conversation begins.
4:00 -- Weight loss conversation ends.
5:00 -- Typing email to reunion committee.
6:00 -- Driving home behind a teal green Honda that is swerving all over the road.

It's now 7:16, and I'm trying to take inventory of my day, and this is it. I really had a hard time concentrating today; I was thinking about everything else but work. I actually had to rebuke my thoughts because they were just all over the place.

Today (obviously), my big boss took the whole department out to lunch. First off, this only happens when someone leaves, so this was a big deal. T. just wanted to tell everyone thank you for their hard work last week, and tell us that he really values and appreciates us and the work we do. In light of last week's tragedy, one can see how important it is. Lunch was nice. We laughed and cut up, and just took more time getting to know one another. I really love the people that I work with, you know? I am so blessed that they are in my lives and are constantly encouraging me to be better and push harder. I found out today that the guy hired to take my place at the last company got fired. Poor guy! That's terrible. I really feel for him. I called one of my friends from there and told them to anoint that cubicle. Yikes!

"It is impossible to be submissive and religiously patient if ye stay your thoughts down among the confused rollings and wheels of second causes, as O the place! O the time! O if this had been, this had not followed! O the linking of this accident with this time and place! Look up to the master motion and the first wheel." Samuel Rutherford

Amidst all the other thoughts in my head, I thought about love again today, specifically the act of falling in love with people in a godly sense. I thought about people I've gone to church with and how they are so special in my life and no matter where we are, how deeply that love of friendship really is. Many years ago, my Mom was in charge of Children's church. (There is alot more to say here, but I digress.) Anyway... I thought of how I really fell in love with all of those kids. They are grown up now, the youngest is 13, but I still remembering getting excited as they teetered in, and got big hugs, and ooed and aahhed over their dresses or handsome little outfit, just watching them grin and try to pay attention. I specifically love "prayer requests" because they are so honest. I can't count how many pets we prayed for during those years. (Sadly, some of them have gone on to be with the Lord!) But I loved everyone of those kids! Along with them, I just had families that I adored. Each where different but brought some uniqueness to the table that nobody else did -- whether it was honesty, dependability, or craftiness, everybody had something. I love running into them at home when I can. Now, as most of my former youth group are married, divorced, or parents, I think those are the most special people. AAAHHH... the Youth Pastors. Now I realize how notorious I was!!! I was such a big buttkisser! Oh well! But youth trips, and Sunday night fundraisers, eating out after church (Goodness... all those trips to Golden Corral!), and spending nearly every Sunday afternoon rehearsing some youth drama (yes, the human videos) until service.

Well... I am thankful for those days! L8R.

Sunday, March 19, 2006


T.C. Upham Inward Divine Guidance: "The disposition... to leave the dearest objects of our hearts in the sublime keeping of the general and unspecific belief that God is now answering our prayers in His own time and way, and in the best manner, involves a present process of inward crucifixion which is obviously unfavorable to the growth and even the existence of the life of self."

"Unless a man is prepared to ask a woman to be his wife, what right has he to claim her exclusive attention? Unless she has been asked to marry him, why would a sensible woman promise any man her exclusive attention? If, when the time has come for a commitment, he is not man enough to ask her to marry him, she should give him no reason to presume that she belongs to him." "But I don't think I can do that. I'm not the strong type."

I love things that challenge me positively. I find myself struggling for acceptance and really compromising. It's almost second nature to me. I found that in instances in my life, I numb out for fear of rejection. I am continuing a book that challenges my personal passion with a story of purity, strength, fortitude, dedication, and perserverance to see that "IT" really is worth everything they say it is, and more, if I will be patient and wait.

Had a nice weekend with some friends from home... I am so thankful for my heritage, and really want to strengthen my convictions more, instead of buckling to pressure or acceptance.

Love is a many splendid thing.

Friday, March 17, 2006


Yesterday is one of those days when I'm glad I didn't have time to blog! My emotions were all over the place. I was happy, really angry, sad, confused, scared, excited, and probably a few more than were all too much to contain. I was so exhausted after the funeral visitation last night and shopping and doing laundry, I just didn't feel like blogging. (And we all breathe a little deeper.)

The funeral for my co-worker was today. It was so sad. His kids were 30 and 26, and his oldest son is getting married in June. My heart is so sad. The service was done very nicely.

It's strange, because I had so much I wanted to blog about, and now it doesn't seem so important.


So... it's like an hour later, and I remembered what I wanted to blog about. I'm still reading P&P. I read a love letter from one beginning with "Beloved" ending with "Tenderly". I can't wait for the day that I have those kind of love letters. More than passion... real soul.

As far as other stuff, I am really learning about judgmentalness. I sat down with a friend and listened to how she views another friend (don't you hate this -- why can't I just mention names?). I didn't realize the anomicity that friend#1 has for friend #2. When did this happen? The statement was made that "She just makes me feel uncomfortable and disgusting." I sat there like "WHAT?", but didn't say a word. It's really made me evaluate some things. Where is That Line to distinguish 'loving the sinner, hating the sin', and just not being around that person. The bible doesn't say Jesus went to bars, but he did hang out with sinners and loved them and talked to them. I guess my justification is that, I do love my friends, in light of their lifestyles, but I don't really support them by not going. Where is that Line? Any thoughts? Anyway, I just don't want to be like that. I am, but I don't want to be. (I can't point fingers.)

I am still dealing with a big situation. I need to have one of those talks with a friend of mine. I would like to think that I don't avoid this kind of stuff, but I really do. And this talk is so much bigger than I know what to do or how to deal with it. I am still in prayer. I would love to never say anything, but then I struggle with the the fact that I think it makes me a more horrible person for never really loving them enough to confront. UGH. Sometimes being an overly emotional woman is exhausting.

I still have a lot to change about me. Speaking of change, I went shopping last night, and tried on a dress by Maggy London. I hope I never meet Maggy face to face on the street; I might have to hit her. Big girls do no need to EVER wear that much spandex, especially not in a dress!!!! She's probably one of those designers that designs clothes for fluffier women, but only wears a 0 because she's so enthralled in her work. Bless her heart, God bless her little soul.

I did get to watch people at the mall. I really don't go to the mall too much anymore, so it was nice. I love watching the dynamics of people together. Last night's highlights: watching two sixteen year old boys run 'game' on two girls at the table beside me. They were pulling out all the stop, if you know what I mean. The second was a punk couple, and the guy pulled up his girlfriends jacket (to cover cleavage) and said "that's saved for me -- everyone doesn't need to see it!" I laughed out loud. Just couldn't help it.

Got a chance for a little redemption today. I am SO thankful for God's grace!!!!

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Too funny not to share

Jennifer Leigh Calhoun

Pre Prenatal Specialist

'What" will your business card say?' at


Today is the Ides of March. I had the phrase "Et tu Brute" running through my head all day. Weird.

I started a "real" journal yesterday -- with a little different spin on writing.

Got a phone call today that I didn't expect, but I was definitely glad to hear the voice on the other end.

They brought a grief counselor to work for the other department. Visitation is tomorrow; the funeral is Friday. I will have worn black five days in a row.

My brother had to work until 4:00 a.m. this morning. He had to be back at work at 8:30 a.m.

I got several compliments on my hair today, which I weird because I feel like it looks terrible. That also happens when I wear shoes that I think are totally hideous. Maybe I should just buy clothes I think are totally tacky and be the fashionista. Yeah right.

Today was not particularly a good day at work for reasons other than the grieving. Spent alot of time thinking today too -- about habits that defeat me. Thought about marraige too. I talked to a friend on Monday about what she wants her wedding to be. Any woman would tell you that this is a normal conversation. But this is from someone who enjoys "the game", but she's at a point where she's actually thinking about all of this. I used to know what I wanted. I had everything planned out. I knew bridesmaids, colors, songs, all of it. Life is very stranger how it makes things change.

Thank God for perspective. Thank God for sending my husband in His Perfect timing. I am thankful that God really knows what I want, even though no one would believe it. Thank God.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006


Here is a passage from Elisabeth Elliot's book Passion and Purity:
"Women are always tempted to be initiators. We like to get things done. We want to talk about situations, get it all out in the open, deal with it. It appears to us that men often ignore and evade issues, sweep things under the rug, forget aobut them, get on with projects, business, pleasures, sports, eat a big steak , turn on the television, rollover, and go to sleep. Women respond to this by insisting on confrontation, communication, showdown. If we can't dragoon our men into that, we nag, we plead, we get attention by tears, silence, or withholding warmth and intimacy. We have a large bag of tricks." "Resist the temptation to trifle with other people's feelings."

Everynow and then, I really read a passage that slaps me in the face. If you know me, then you know this is me. I'm a TRIFLER, but it backfires on me ALL THE TIME.

Work was very somber today with the passing of a director of the adjacent department in my floor. It was very, very sad.

We sort of stalked my boss' soon-to-be-ex-husband today. She keeps wanting to lash out at him, (for once, I don't see what good that does,) and even told her to be nice to him. She told him 'thank you' on the phone, and he was so shocked, he asked her three times if she was okay. I really need to practice more of what I preach. I don't want to be mean, or manipulative or trifling, but what I don't want to be and who I really am seem to conflict more than I would like. Definitely an area in my life that needs improvement.

Not much to say right now. Just wanted to share that passage. :)

Monday, March 13, 2006


That's right. Today was VERY eventful! This morning on my way to work, a motorcycle passed me. No big deal, right? I always look at people, and as he drove in front of me, his shirt flapping in the breeze, I realized I could see his CRACK!!! I almost pee'd in my pants this morning. Big Boys should wear jackets to cover that stuff up!!!! Ha ha ha ha ha! Then, when we were leaving for lunch, I walked out the main door first, and leaned back to hold the door open, and fell into an 18-inch sprinkler hole. While I was not injured, my pride was hurt VERY BADLY. I was so embarassed. It really was hysterical. On top of everything, my boss reached out to grab my hand, and I thought she was gonna fall on me! So funny. I can't believe I'm such a clutz!

One of the directors had to be rushed to the ER today because he was having chestpains. It's a scary time for the dept at work.

We FINALLY have a location and date for this reunion! I am SO incredibly excited. I am getting more excited by the day. I am going to be a nervous wreck when the date rolls around, but I'm actually enjoying planning the details. I keep reminding myself that this reunion is not about me, or what I like, but what is the best for 400 people, and it helps give me perspective! And... I'm putting my money where my mouth is... in more ways than one. This is giving me a chance to break past the silly ways I normally do things - being inconsistent and all. I want to be so organized and make things as smooth as possible.

So, I may be foregoing the house thing for a while, and just move closer to Chatty, as that seems to be the most realistic option for now. Not really what I want to do, but I have to make wise decisions and keep seeking for guidance, and I know God will show me.

Random -- is my home page, and it keeps switching to! I can't read spanish!!!!! Okay... later!!!

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Disengage... got to rearrange

I can't remember who sings that line in 'that' song, but it was stuck in my head this morning when I woke up. Worse yet, it was the only line I can remember, so it kept repeating in my head like a broken record. I like the words though -- I think I need to adopt them as a motto for now. I do have to disengage from all the crap in my life and (sorry for the triteness), but rearrange all my priorities. :)

Yesterday was SO BUSY!!!! I woke up at 8, and got my oil changed, then went to what we thought was where we were going to have our reunion, and gave them money, then went and met with a caterer, and then went to Wal-Mart in LG (something I haven't done in a LONG time!), then to the reunion meeting. We totally changed our location yesterday (in a positive way), but it was a temporary step back. After the meeting, I went out to my grandparents where most of my family was because my grandparents hot water heater broke, and their basement was in an inch of water. YIKES! Left there, and went shopping with one of my PG friends, (who is so cute by the way!), and had dinner. Her husband just got a Jeep Cherokee Laredo, and oooooooooh how I love those! Few people know about my obsession with Laredos... moreoever, why I just love them. I do have a fond memory when someone special rented one and just drove me around town. (For the record, I'm so simple to please!!!)

Turns out the leak wasn't quite taken care of, so instead of going to church, my family is again out at my grandparents trying to clean up water. My G's have a HUGE finished basement, so it was a mess. Fortunately nothing major was ruined (that is... none of my grandfather's really expensive tools and machines), just a few mattresses and some ridiculously old carpet.We did find a picture of my cousin and I -- I was not quite 2 (JM wasn't born yet), but I realized that I was crying! I asked my family, and, being the brat I am, I was mad that day because I had on a blue dress, and I just didn't like "BUE"! Funny...

Okay... later!

Thursday, March 9, 2006

"We can't change the wind, but we can change the sails".

Today was long and boring! I was so ready to go home at ... I don't know, 10:00a.m. this morning! Last day of close for me. I finished around noon, and spent the last half of the day studying the GMAT. I'm being ambitious -- I want a 650. :)

Got a second job today, so now I can really start saving for that house. House plans may be temporarily suspended if I have to go to UTC because I don't want to drive the 110 miles a day again. I had my reasons for driving like that -- that is, driving to Cleveland to see a guy and all. I don't want to live in Chatty again... I just didn't like it, and I moved there for the absolute wrong reason. And... I can't live in Georgia, or I would have to pay out of state tuition again! I mean... is this ridiculous or what?

Oh well... busy weekend -- home tomorrow, out to reunion venue, oil change, reunion meeting, then shopping with a PG friend -- and my house still looks like Nagasaki fell on it. I'll get around to cleaning everything... hopefully SOON!!! I'm excited that we have a date and location. Got an email from a classmate who was as excited too, and it made me feel good! Also got a phone call from the GBI today. Another classmate (who I've recently connected with), is applying for a special agent job and I got listed as a reference... how random is that? The officer scared me half to death too -- I was racking my brain trying to figure out if I'd done anything. No Comment. I plead the Fifth.

Well... I still have a million things to do... gotta go!!

Wednesday, March 8, 2006

Good Day!!!

Today was a wonderful day. Today was a day of new perspective. Yesterday... is over, thank God.

I had LFL today, and it was just what I needed. For the record, I'm typing this with my hair in pigtails. It is actually quite cute, and I did take a picture to immortalize. I am currently downloading information to take Master's classes... that's right, I'm going to get my Masters degree. I'm a little frustrated about instate/out of state residency fees, but I am going to get around them somehow. My geek of a father has rescinded his offer to pay for my Masters like he did for my brother. That just means that he can't hold it over my head when he doesn't pay for it. Enough negativity. I got the GMAT book today, and am starting to study. I am nervous. I don't really like change, but staying in the rut I've been in is ridiculous. This may push me towards buying a house near Chatt, even though I had no intention to do so. Who knows? Not me,.. that's for sure.

My LFL class today was inspiring talking about goals. We spent alot of time talking about the obstacles to meeting our goals and overcoming the obstacles. I really can be my own worst enemy sometimes, you know? But, I'm trying to do things one day, one stack, one problem at a time.

We finally have a location and date for the reunion. Thank God. Now, we can make decisions!

Other than that,... today was pretty mundane. :) Tomorrow will be more exciting. Oh, it is close and I am thankful that I was able to leave at 5:00. If you knew the crazy hours I used to work, you would be worshipping with me! On that same note, we can start wearing capris next week... and sandals. Time for a pedi!!!

"Few plan to fail, but many fail to plan."

Tuesday, March 7, 2006

The Beginning

This is a hodge podge post. Be advised before you read.

Today was one of those days that I was just really emo and wanted to vent all day. I have so much going on in my head. It's a good thing I can't get online at work, because I would have just spilled my guts.

Two of my goals for 2006 are closer to becoming reality. It appears that I will be starting my Masters' in the fall. I'm nervous but excited. Also, the current house situation has fallen through. The executor of the estate in charge of the property I put a bid on is a big fat liar, and is now rescinding his initial offer. I am still determined to be a homeowner. Of course, my father plays the roll of the eternal pessimist because "that's just debt you don't need". He will never change.

Saw a bumper sticker yesterday -- "Don't let the car fool you, my treasure is in heaven". If you could have only seen the car -- It was an old Jeep Cherokee that looked like they'd been mud-riding. It was beautiful, and the bumper sticker spoke volumes. I feel like that Jeep. I have mud in my life because of my own mistakes, but don't be fooled, my treasure is in heaven. It also gave me insight into other things -- other people's mud, if you will, and how I am so quick to see the green grass on the other side.

Another prayer from my book that was worth sharing: Lord, usually I am encircled with people caught up in a maze of activities, but tonight I am alone, still, and observant. I forget how misguided a lit can become... I forget what you grace rescued me from. Thank you that you continue to pursue lost lambs, even ones in a stupor. Until the day you take us home to heaven, may you keep me tender toward the destitute, downcast, disgusting, and the forgotten here on earth. Remind us often if necessary that we have been all those things, and that you unreservedly drew us in close to your heart. Amen.

As much as I try to keep myself busy, it doesn't take away the ache in my heart when things are quiet, and dark, and still. I know that I must confront the things with which I choose to avoid confrontation, deal with the things that I am embarassed and afraid to admit my inadequacy, and overcome those areas in my life where I fall short. I am not looking to run a marathon, or cure cancer, but I want to resolve my inconsistency. I don't want to be shy anymore. I don't want to continue to deal with the crap that I find myself dealing with. I realized how timid I am to share my testimony. I don't live it out loud like I want to. Why? Why am I afraid to deal with people in my life? Why do I find myself continually frustrated about the same situations? What do I have to be embarassed of? What do I have to be ashamed of? Why am I so afraid of everyone else's opinions and reactions?

I don't know... but here's to finding out.

Monday, March 6, 2006

Just as things change, they stay the same...

What's funny to me is that this rings so true with people. How desperately do I want to change and make effort to change, but still find myself enticed by things that I know call for the same destructive behavior I am so desperate to break free of? I am not the only one. This is one of those topics that doesn't really need elaboration, but I feel free-er mentioning it.

The highlight of my day was the fact that my nap destroyed my regular sleep schedule. I got in bed at 3:30 this morning. I couldn't sleep. Well, who can after a three and a half hour nap at 4:00pm? I'm not a good napper; I usually wake up disoriented and ill. I have been known to cry when awakening from a nap for no reason. Anyway... after my ridiculously long, and unnecessarily unproductive nap, I blogged (hence the last entry), and then watched several hours of television. I don't watch WE (Women's Entertainment), but since there was nothing on television last night, I watched their special about the secret lives of women, particularly the "Eating Disorders", and "Shopaholic". I say that I do not believe I can be categorized as either one of these. I do use food as a crutch -- Jesus and I are working on that. I can shop, but then I have buyers remorse, and many Shopaholics don't. I like to think I have pre-purchase remorse, and while I may carry an item (or several) around a store, something does stop me on occassion averting disaster. It just made me sad for these women. A book I read a few months ago challenged me to really be minimalistic in what clothing purchases I made. I am proud to say I have only bought five things this year -- on pair of Jeans, two pairs of shoes (one pair of tennis shoes -- I haven't purchased new ones in over three years!), a pair of green pants (luck 'o the Irish, Lad), and a pretty sweater. I just realized that three of my five purchases have been green. Scary. Anyway...! I have been able to pay down credit cards, and am truly saving for that house. That is my goal -- I will buy a house this year, PTL! Back to the point, I was just sad that some of these women were in the financial straits they were -- and how their children were now exhibiting their same poor spending traits.

My company is now focused on Corporate weightloss. I will hopefully remember to take an old pair of kicks and socks tomorrow so that I can trot with the others. We'll see.

I just found someone on myspace that I really didn't expect. Bradley. Wow... yeah, this is shot. I'm going to bed. Weird.

Sunday, March 5, 2006

Ever have thoughts bouncing around in your head? Well, here goes mental detox:

I wish I'd known he was in town.
Not that I'd make contact anyway.
Glad I went today.
I spent too much $$!
Do I really want to be Suzie Homemaker?
No crush, wow this is weird.
Wow, this is really weird.
Why did he lie?
Why did he tell them one thing and then act different?
My money is as good as anyone else's.
If he won't take it, I'm still going to buy something.
I have too many clothes.
I have so much reading to do.
I need to have a yardsale very badly.
Naps are not my friend.
Three and a half hours -- I could have been productive somehow.
Glad I found those lamps!
Work... don't. want. to. go. tomorrow.
Reunions and showers, OH MY!
Ten years, dear God, where have they gone?
Superpower hair. Ha ha.
Yucky, yucky!
I wish I'd done this sooner.
I did not deserve to be treated that way.
Time of redemption.
Season of redemption -- so much that needs to be redeemed.
Very weird, just being there and all.
Is she going to say anything, does she even know?

Maybe that's all. Nah... not even close, but it's a start.

Saturday, March 4, 2006

Small Vent

I should not be blogging; I'm going out of town in just a few minutes. I am frustrated and had bad dreams last night. I continue to have dreams about confronting people. And... on top of it all, just when I really believe I have a friend who can tell me things, I learn she's kept a huge secret. It stings. Anyway, this probably sounds like a 12 year old wrote this, but it's my life. I try to overcome the trust stuff, and then get burned again. I just get tired of people "filtering" information for me because they believe I can or can't handle it.

I feel as though my time to confront is drawing near. And... I'm a little scared.

Work was great yesterday. I got SO much accomplished. I'm ready for more sunshine; it just makes me feel better. We were able to finally clean the 20 boxes out of my office, so I don't feel so restricted anymore! Yeah for that!

Much to do today... IKEA. Church tomorrow. Cleaning still, and more craft/remodeling. Gotta run!

Wednesday, March 1, 2006

I secretly want to be Martha Stewart.

My New dining arrangement

No kidding. Tonight, I felt her spirit. Okay... so I don't want the whole Camp Cupcake, White collar crime, felon record, but definitely her creativity!!!

Tonight, I just had enough. Last night, I bought a staple gun. It was time. I'm long overdue for one. Tonight, I bought fabric and recovered my 1981 Miami Vice Dining Room set (I swear it came off one of the boats they shot scenes on). It's had the most hideous fabric on it, but NO More. It now is covered in a dark creme & black twall. It's so pretty!!! Tomorrow, I am going to try to make a table runner and napkins, but this was definitely a huge step for me!!! I also finally put down my $12.00 shag rug that I bought at work. I saved a bundle on that rug! Thank God for employee discounts!

I also found out that the asking price for the duplex is $89,500.00, and I can hardly stand myself!!! I go to the bank tomorrow to meet with a loan officer. If I get it, I will be one tenant, and I already have another one. This is just crazy. I have been looking at other houses, but I know what's within my range, you know? Some houses are just ridiculously overpriced!!! And, I cannot handle $1000.00 mortgage payment, unless someone at Citibank wants to write off my loans, and I don't really see that happening!!!

My hand is sore from the staple gun, but it's so rewarding to see the fruits of your labor, you know? And, since I normally start a project and don't finish it, I'm glad that I did this in one night!! If the fabric weren't so expensive, I think I would recover the big chair in my house too. It's so easy!!!

Work is going good. My boss has some drama, and my heart breaks for her, but I know God is in control! My brother is working himself to death! It's crazy. Reunion stuff is starting to get a little hairy, but it's still okay. I'm just antsy to set a date and a place, and then things will be so much more on target. It's hard for everything to be up in the air except knowing that we are planning something. I imagine it's like this for girls who plan a wedding without an engagement ring.

Heard a little commentary on the radio that made me laugh : "Don't try to hit a shitzu with a BB gun... them little suckers are quicker than they look".