Monday, October 29, 2007
Thursday night -- Bible study in d-town, and I stayed with one of the Ladies, PTL. It saved me $10 in gas (might not seem like a lot but I spend $80 a week so,... it was a blessing!), and about 100 miles on my car. Serious serious PTL.
One of her grandsons did the SWEETEST thing for me... I'll post that later. I even took pictures. :)
Friday night -- I was wiped out. I actually went to be at 9:30. Another PTL. :)
Saturday -- Saturday's are fun for me. I have a ritual of breakfast, followed by a quick trip to my storage unit. Since my mother came up last week and I no longer have a storage unit, I took a trip to Chatt, Wal-mart, and Hobby Lobby. I did not get back home until after 2:00.
I did buy a lovely bed ensemble that I will try to take pics of tonight.
Sunday -- found out I have the TROJAN virus on my computer (I didn't even know that virus was still around), had to wipe my computer out (may have lost six years worth of pictures... :( ...) and had a Halloween party last night.
I'm going to try to post individual blogs for all the stuff that happened so that it all makes sense. But before I do... here's why my post is mean.
~ then I was going to write this really NASTY post on people living in America for more than 5 years and not learning the language, and just decided that I'll save it for another day.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
First off... can I just say Thank you Lord for the rain? We need it desperately. I got an email this morning asking for people to pray for a daily rain in the evenings, so that people who work in construction can still complete their jobs without interference. So Pray!
I got my hair "done" yesterday, and ... I don't like it, which is no big surprise to ANYONE. I called my mom afterwards and she said, "Jenn, do you ever like your hair?".
I get to stay in D-town tonight and *hopefully* get to work early so that I can leave early. That's kind of a selfish reason, but... it's my reason.
I started to write about my dentist and then I realized who crucially BORING THIS POST IS. Oh well.
Training the new guy is wearing me out. HE is wearing me out.
Other than that... everything else is good. :)
Monday, October 22, 2007
He reveals deep and hidden things; he knows what lies in darkness, and light dwells with him.” Daniel 2:22 (NIV)
I have been thinking about blogging for a few days now, with thoughts and thoughts running through my head. I'm not entirely sure that I have everything that I want to say, but I'm as ready as I'm ever going to be, you know? Thursday night at Bible Study, the speaker (Jennifer Rothschild) spoke about familiarity versus intimacy, and how familiarity can creep up and steal intimacy, and that we don't realize it until we are FAR gone.
I have allowed things in my life in the past few months to escape true intimacy -- that is, intimacy in friendships -- and be overtaken by familiarity. The speaker correlated hers to her marriage, but as soon as she said it, I immediately thought about some of the friendships in my life. The last year of my life has been both a whirlwind and a snail's pace. I feel like I've said it a thousand times, but I can't help but see how much my life has changed in the last year.
Now, I want to close the windows for familiarity and open the doors for intimacy. Real, geniune, honest, heartfelt intimacy. Ugly and yet beautiful.
Almost a year ago, Chase walked out of my life. I was devastated (nowhere near how I was with Bradley, but close), and took it really hard. It's hard to try and understand why people don't love you back. And, it was not easy to get over someone that you put such a high, intangible value on, whether or not they did the same. So, here's intimacy:
Thank you for walking out of my life almost a year ago. For the first time, I now see, with clarity, that you had to be the strong one, because all my resistance had failed. I was weak. I was running out of reasons to say no. Also, thank you for doing all of it -- walking away, getting engaged, and getting married -- thank you for doing it quickly. Kind of like ripping a band-aid off the skin with one swoop. You kept my hurt to a minimum (although that was nowhere in your intention). I realized this weekend that I don't hate you. Thank you for being selfish and not loving me back. Thank you for not being the man of integrity that I was looking for. Thank you for showing me that in order to deserve more, I have to seek more, I have to set higher standards and expectations. Thank you for making me feel worthless so that now I know how priceless I really am.
I wish you well.
There is no way you will ever read this letter. Over two months ago, you took your own life. In doing so, you forced me, with wide-eyes, to examine my own. You made me painfully aware of some areas in my life where I was not paying attention. While I still cannot fully understand why you took your life, I see how God has used that to remind me daily how precious my life is. I only wish you could have seen while you were alive that you were loved so deeply, by your friends and family. While I can't but think you were selfish in death, I hope you had a second to make your peace with God Almighty. I hope you had a moment to ask for forgiveness, and I hope to see you in Heaven one day. But regardless, I want you to know that you did not die in vain.
These are just two. There are more. But for now, these will do.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Case in point: Yesterday, I had to box up several things for work. We order boxes in 10-packs with this plastic strip around it.
After I cut it initially, I cut it into small pieces.
And thought to myself, "Self, WHY do you do that?"
Then, I cracked up laughing.
Having grown up in the 80's, and I mean, in the midst of the entire Nancy Reagan "JUST SAY NO" program, as well as the "Reduce, Reuse, Recycle" campaign, I realized I was cutting those plastic strips up, just as I do the plastic rings off a six-pack (OF COCA-COLA, Y'ALL), so that...
(big finish here)
Should any of my trash get dumped in the ocean, no sea life will die with my plastic strips or coke rings on it's neck.
And thus, I was transported back to a time when we had more than one recycle option in my house (paper, clear plastic, green plastic, newspaper, cardboard, aluminum, you get the point), and it made me very happy.
And it means I'm saving the Planet and I really DO want world peace.
- that my step-brother passed away
- that somebody sent me a check for $400.00 (I choose to believe this one was PROPHETIC!)
- that I was married to Aaron, a season 1 contestant from The Biggest Loser
- that I was hanging out with Morgan M., a girl I used to work with at LC
I have no idea.
Have you had any crazy dreams lately?
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
This totally makes me think of NKOTB.
Whether it's Step by Step, Keep Hangin' Tough... NTBNPF, I think You've got the Right Stuff!
Monday, October 15, 2007
On the way into work, I was thinking about my Alma Mater's homecoming. It's three weeks away. Some of my most favorite people in the world will not only be in town, but will also be staying at my house. We always have a ton of fun.
And then I realize that, I'm going to see people I don't like. People who make me uncomfortable. I am pretty confident most of the time, but these people illuminate, with great intensity, all of my insecurities. They make me feel inadequate. They make me feel small. (Too bad that can't happen stature or weight wise, huh?)
And then I am at the point where I am confused as to why or how I ever gave these people the capacity to make me feel less than? When did I do this? WHY did I do this? What is so special/wonderful/important about these people that I should feel like this? And I am confused.
For homecoming, I'll put on my game face. The one that says, "I'm doing great; how are you?". Which, I am doing great. And I geniunely care how the other people are.
Oi, this is too much for early Monday morning.
Friday, October 12, 2007
And then I have to remind myself that this is not why I blog anyway. I don't blog in the hopes of snagging a husband or having the second immaculate conception. It just ain't happening. I blog 'cause it's me, and I like it, and I need some sort of avenue to express/vent/all-that-jazz and this is it. So, I've had to recollect my thoughts, and so... here I am.
Seemingly unblogworthy and all. But, for the moment, I don't care.
On top of that fact that I have been unbloggy this week, I have also been Crabby Patty, getting annoyed with everything and sort of snapping at the hinges. You can imagine how NOT-SO-FLATTERING that is. I don't know why I have had such a snotty attitude. And it's not why you think. As Carlene from Designing Women would say, "My cousin is NOT visiting this week". I can only assuming I am spontaneously turning mean.
Maybe I can Calgon that away? Pray, Saints, Pray.
I have had a lot to think about while training this new guy and all. Teaching someone what you do gives you perspective to see where any inefficiences are, or where something really great is. I've been stretched emotionally because, whether or not he is judging me, (as I am having a hard time not making some assumptions about him), it's requiring me to constantly remember that, we don't get paid to judge. We get paid to do.
Anywhoodle. I had a lot more in my head that I wanted to share, but right now... I can't remember what it was anyway.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
They finally hired somebody for my old job at work and I have the privilege to train him.
Y'all may want to get on your face before Jehovah Jireh for the poor man with me training him and intercede on his behalf.
He might need it.
This is the first time I've ever trained somebody and I wasn't leaving.
It is an exceptionally awkward feeling.
And I feel like he's judging me.
Turns out, he was a controller on his last job, and now here he is, at the bottom of the proverbial totem pole below me.
Yep, very very awkward.
And tiring. My head hurts and my feet do to from doing so much walking.
Monday, October 8, 2007
Friday, October 5, 2007
I can't figure out, or discern, if you will, if this is a timing/season thing, or a permanent this-is-not-for-Jennifer-Ever thing.
And in the midst of it, I find it hard NOT to be hurt. Not to be frustrated, angry, upset, and disappointed. And not in a way that I am blaming God, but definitely frustrated with myself for not listening to my intuition a few months ago..
God - 1 (well... billion in reality)
Jennifer - 0 Still.
4 jobs I’ve held
- courtesy clerk at Kroger
- aerobics instructor/personal trainer/gymnastics assist instructor - Valley Aerobic & Fitness (No laughing on that one please!)
- parelegal - for my aunt's law office
- accountant (doesn't it seem like my jobs got progressively more boring?)
4 films I could watch over and over
- Never Been Kissed
- The Cutting Edge
- Pride & Prejudice
- Gone With The Wind
4 TV Shows I watch
- CSI: Miami (I know that's a shocker!)
- The Biggest Loser
- Grey's Anatomy
4 favorite foods
- Chicken Parmigiana
- Roast & Potatoes
- Rice (soy sauce please)
- Fried chicken from my mama
4 websites I visit every day
- Bank of America
- Sunburned/Really? Wow!/Noefool/Mulier Sapien/Mommysaywhat?/Baby Bangs (Yes, I AM your blog-stalker, y'all.)
- Myspace/facebook/LeeUniversity Affinity circle
4 favorite colors
4 names I can't believe people actually named their kids
- Sunshine (My mom's pastor's daughter's name)
- Moon (think Zappa kids)
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
I got an email from a favorite friend this morning with linked information about a book by Jake Colson titled "So You Don't Want To Go To Church Anymore". And I just sort of snapped.
I have a huge problem with "Christians" who are anti-organization. And I'm sick of it. THE Church has changed so drastically in the last ten years, that for many people it's unrecognizable. I get that. Churches come with so many descriptions. So noted. Church staff is falling apart faster than it can be put together. Again,... noted. Pastors are having affairs, falling prey to pornography, homosexuality, Egocentricism, totalitarianism, and a pleothora of other things.
And it makes people not want to go to church.
I get that.
But do not preach your "I-DON'T-GO-TO-CHURCH-BECAUSE-I-DON'T-BELIEVE-IN-ORGANIZED-RELIGION-OR-BECAUSE-THE-PASTORAL-STAFF-BETRAYED-ME-OR-BECAUSE-THE-MUSIC-WAS-TOO-LOUD-TOO-SOFT-TOO-FAST-TOO-SLOW-NOT-MY-AGE-GROUP-NOT-FANCY-ENOUGH-NOT-CASUAL-ENOUGH-NOT-MEETING-"MY-NEEDS"-ENOUGH" when you refuse to do anything for the Kingdom of God.
Sitting at home watching the game, the race, the movie, the show -- Not cutting the Mustard anymore.
The Kingdom, The Harvest -- is at your feet. How much closer does God need to put it? That homeless person you drove by and presumed that they were just pan-handling -- FACE OF JESUS. That co-worker that gets on your nerves sharing about her family problems -- FACE OF JESUS. That teenager who spends too much time on the internet -- FACE OF JESUS. That lady at the fast-food place -- FACE OF JESUS. That pastor that you don't think has it ALL together -- FACE OF JESUS.
Get off of your butt and show the rest of us what being "un-churched" is really like and I might actually agree with you. Feed the homeless. Clothe the naked. Befriend the friendless. Love the drug addicts. Show compassion. Reach out to where people are. DO SOMETHING. Stop belly-aching about why things are the way YOU think they ought to be and make a difference.
THAT IS THE GREAT COMMISSION.
(referring to my beloved David Caruso)
"Lieutenant, I'm just a blogger."
I seriously cracked up sitting on the couch.
'Cause y'all... I'm just a blogger.
In other news, I'm trying not to turn back into a TV junkie, but seriously, it's getting harder. Tonight is Biggest Loser, and the results show for Dancing With The Stars. I think the Cheetah girl and her partner are falling for each other. Next week's routine may involve more kissing. If I see tongue, I'm gonna have to stop watching that show.
And... if y'all don't watch Numb3rs, you are a L-O-S-E-R. Mathemeticians are SEXY.
I've had discovered alot of acquaintances/friends who blog. This makes me happy.
I'm very happy that Really? WOW! has begun blogging publicly again. You should stop by her blogville, get some Yo Gabba Gabba up in you, and leave comment love.
(That makes me sound country-ghetto, doesn't it?)
As far as bloggin' goes, I think the hardest part for me was finding "My voice". If you've been reading along with me for more than... two days... you might think I'm still struggling with that too. I probably am, but I definitely have a better grip now than before. I've had to build some ground rules of my own, and while I have a regular compulsion to break them, :) I realize that I put them in place for good reason.
Like, writing about all of my crushes.
Or mentioning many many boys by name.
Which would get me in LOADS O' Trouble.
Monday, October 1, 2007
A lifetime of Secrets by Frank Warren
To express my excitement is an understatement.
I had the privilege back in January to go see/meet Frank Warren. I even called Sunburned right before I did because, if I remember correctly, she had seen him days before.
As I sit here to type this, I have to confess the realizations about PostSecret for me. Having those secrets out has been a revelation in my life.
There are secrets that are good to let out sometimes. There are secrets that are easier to forget than deal with the consequences. How we deal with our secrets is the litmus test for our character.And it probably sounds ludicrous that I should be so passionate about four books jam-packed with others people secrets, or my fascination with a weekly update of 20 new secrets, but what PostSecret did for me was make me deal with my own secrets.
I have one secret that I've carried for 17 years.
But, I've let all the others out.
I even sent Frank a few and gave him two in person.
Writing those secrets out wasn't hard, giving them to him was very difficult.
But, it mirrors my faith. We have to give our lives, our junk, our Faith, our Trust, over to God. He deals with the secrets then. And, for those secrets that are confessions, He promises to forgive them and throw them away, never to be remembered again. For secrets that have impact, God has given us a Deliverer in Jesus to break the bonds of our sin.
I challenge you to read PostSecret. You will be offended. You might get physically ill from what you read. Your heart may be filled with love or compassion for others. But this is no different from how God Almighty feels about us. You might not think you bring something that offensive to God, but our sin makes us the most filthy, the most unrighteous, the most putrid thing ever. But, when we give them to God, He makes us new.
Seriously, I'm so sore I don't know what to do. My body is so In Shock! I went to bed at 10:00 last night, the earliest that I've gone to bed in SEVERAL weeks, and I didn't wake up until 7:40. It's gonna be a long day.
Thursday was a dear friend's birthday, and on Friday, she wanted to go roller skating. I seriously used to love to skate. My brother and I even went to an after-school program at a skating rink. I finally got to throw away my skates a few months ago! My mom was apparently wanting to keep them for posterity. Who knows! Anywhoo... we went skating on Friday. I haven't been skating in a few years and honestly believed that I would be fine. I didn't fall, but I did discover a cardinal rule of physics:
If your TOP is heavier than your BOTTOM, and you lean backwards, the propensity to fall on your butt in front of a large group of middle schoolers will go up 300%.
Again, I didn't fall, but only because I exercised another cardinal rule of physics:
When your TOP is heavier than your BOTTOM, LEAN FORWARD.
It was the only way to avert disaster... er... embarassment.
But, I loved skating! I do think that, when I am a parent, I will NEVER drop my kids off at a skating rink at leave. EVER. Oh! and it cost us $8.00 to get in, and another $1.00 to rent skates. That is NOT inflation. That is just plain Highway Robbery.
Saturday, I got my hair cut. If you know me at all, you know how much I was dreading this. She cut off three inches, which, in the grand scheme is not alot, but it was too much for me. God-willing, it will grow back quickly.
Saturday night, I went to dinner with one of my guy friends and some of his buddies from high school. We had a really nice time. In the parking lot, my friend and I were talking and he said something that threw my brain into overdrive. I'm sure he meant it as a very nice and innocent compliment, but it was a combo of what he said, how he said it, and body language, and it was almost too much for me not to add too. You know? Y'all, please pray that my brain does not get ahead of me, k?
Right after this happened, a very sweet, and funny, and unnamable friend of mine called to tell me that, in regards to my Birds and Bees post, that she heard Marvin Gaye's "Sexual Healing" and thought of me. I'm still laughing about that one!
Yesterday, we had Pastor Apppreciation Day, then a bunch of us went to lunch. Lunch was fun, and although my actual lunch was terrible and only succumbed to ONE BITE, I did order some fried pickles and ate the entire order by myself. Without shame. Thank God for Deep Fried Goodness.
If only I'd had a Fry Daddy, batter, and some chilled oreos.... I could have had dessert!
Following lunch, some of us went to play whiffle ball. In spite of my misery today, it was seriously a blast. I don't think I've been that active, or realized how OUT OF SHAPE I was, in a really long time.
I did want to pass along BooMama's son's scripture verse, because it's Good Stuff:
"God's voice thunders in marvelous ways; He does great things beyond our understanding."
God does... doesn't he? I'm glad that one of God's greatest gifts to us is His Grace. Because the sufficiency of that Grace is truly beyond our understanding.