Friday, May 30, 2008
Seriously, I've resorted to reading headlines and being shocked by them:
"Clay Aiken to become a Dad"
"MMMBop Drummer officially a Dad"
"It's a 5ire at 50 Cent's house"
It's kinda pathetic!
I did try to register my GMAT book, but because I purchased a 2009 book, it won't work until June 3.
I had lunch with a co-worker where we giggled about dogs.
I have a REALLY BIG SECRET that I'm dying to share, but I know I can't.
Some friends and I are going to the Junk Store in Etowah tomorrow. Pray for me. I don't enjoy shopping at Ross and TJMaxx, so I'm kinda worried.
The wedding in Mexico is tomorrow, and while I'm still a little melancholy that I'm not there, I know that I wasn't supposed to be there.
Reteaching myself some accounting stuff that I have forgotten in the last seven years is tough. I feel so foolish reading the beginning of my Principles book -- "A business is... ", but I know that reading all of this again with what I DO know is the best thing I can do.
My friend received a disgusting text message this morning. There are some real creeps out there. Be careful.
I attended a Lunch & Learn yesterday about online predators and how to keep your kids safe. I'm a big advocate that WE ALL NEED TO LEARN TO USE THE INTERNET. The office (who is with the local city office) kept saying that his 3-year old daughter was going to be so mad because when she grew up, she'd never get to use the internet. **Don't be a naive parent or loved one.** Get involved. Parents need to get involved. Teachers need to get involved. Anyone who works with children older than 2 need to get involved and be informed. I encourage my co-workers with kids to get online and look at what they're kids are looking at... more importantly, what's looking back at their kids. After the class, I asked him about Twitter. He looked at me and said, "I've never heard of that". It makes me beyond sad that the agency that is working to stop predators online aren't aware of new programs that target texting. We've got to pray, y'all. Soapbox, Off.
... work is slow... hopefully, today won't be a "full" day.
Much love Interpeeps!! Happy Friday!!
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
- My mom is not the overly nurturing kinda of mama. You wouldn't think that since she's a nurse. She gives great patient care, but we've had more than struggles when my brother or I got sick. She's throw a cold wash cloth on our heads, a trash can by our beds, say a prayer, and then go away... for what seemed like hours! I'm sure that she was never more than 20 feet away. We kid her about being sick and that she didn't "pet" us like we thought she should. Like we thought other people's mothers did.
- My mother did not let us sleep with her as babies. She had a theory, "if I bought you your own bed, and I have my own bed, shouldn't they be slept in?" That and the theory that since we were babies, it wasn't like we were going to jump right out of them or anything. I did surprise her when I started walking at 6 months though. Fortunately, my brother decided that, after birth, he didn't want to do anything, especially walk, until he was nearly 3. My mom is proud of the fact that she let us cry in our beds from the beginning to learn that, "She was the Mama", and "we were not". When Mommies tell me (and they do), that "they're only little once", I cringe. That may be the case, but babies aren't cognitive of that fact, so it doesn't hurt them. It just hurts you Mommies. Let's all acknowledge that. :)
- My mom has told me my whole life that she knew right away that she was pregnant and starting talking to me like an adult. After I was born, she would put my carrier up on the table while she would cook or do something in the house and proceed to have a "grown-up" conversation with me. We are firm believers that this is why I started talking to early, so well, and using such large words. My father contributed greatly since he was working on his masters in theology and counseling while JM and I were growing up too. He would make my brother and I sit in his office while he recited/practiced/went over his sermon. To this day, I'm a firm believer that JM and I understand deep theological concepts under age 5 better than most adults did. I could tell you the difference between pre-trib, mid-trib, and post-trib in elementary school.
- My mom was not a stuffed animal Mom. She does like toys that make noise or sing though (I'll tell you about that later). She may have bought us stuffed animals, but they were FORBIDDEN from sleeping with me. If you put a bear or fluffy anything in my bed today, I will throw it on the floor. The flipside of that is, if you take my pillow, there will be great bloodshed, wailing, and gnashing of teeth as you will lose a limb or your life. Your choice.
- My mom instilled the concept in my brother and I to grow up and be somebody. My mom is the second child of four, and the oldest girl in her family. She was the first one to go to college, and to go off to college. My grandparents moved from SC to a little town in AL the summer between my mother's junior and senior year in high school. They wouldn't let her finish HS in SC, so she decided quickly that she needed to get out of town quick. She experienced life (yes, there are stories), and always made a point to tell JM and I how much she enjoyed college, and that it was being away that really made her appreciate home. My mom gets grief from people in our little town who don't understand why my brother and I would choose to live so far away... even so much as comments about how she was a bad parent -- to her face! We just choose not to live there because 1) there's nothing to do, 2) there's not a lot of choice for employment, 3) because we all know that we're in the places God wants us to be, and 4) because I don't want to go back without a husband. I know that sounds crazy, but it's the truth. I know one or two people that aren't married, divorced, or pregnant. But I'm a firm believer that even though I'm 200 miles away, and JM is 1400 miles away, we are closer to our Mom verses people who lives in the same town (even on the same street) as theirs.
- She was not a "soccer mom". My bro and I were involved in stuff, but my mother just kept her distance at times. We've had to resolve all the issues of resentment that generated too. I can't remember her ever being at an Honor's day or Field Day. Thank God too, because in either the fifth or sixth grade, I work all white so people could sign their names, and a girl (who's name I can't remember... she shoplifted at Kroger... Crystal, what was her name?) drew outlines of two handprints on my butt with the words "CAN'T TOUCH THIS". M.C. Hammer may have been overcome with emotion, but I can't see my mother being too proud of that. Especially as I accepted a Jr. Beta award, and All A's award that day.
- It may sound like I'm trashing my mom, but know that I saved the greatest thing for last. My mom... more than anything is a woman of faith. I don't just know it, I saw it, heard it,and lived it. A brief rundown if you don't know -- my parents were married 9/11/76 and were ministers (my dad as pastor) in 7 churches in 11 years in Alabama. In December of 87, my parents separated and subsequently divorced. Let's just keep to the facts when I tell you that it rocked them, our family, and the community. Because of that, my mom has had to endure more ridicule and judgment than I could have ever imagined. Long after my parents divorce, she shared with me that she never told anyone what was going on in my parents marraige, that is, anyone but Jesus. She knew when she got filled with the Holy Ghost as a 13 year old that He was all she had. And when times got rocky, then bad, then just nasty, she never turned to family or friends -- she turned to Jesus. So my favorite thing/quirk/whateveryouwannacall it about my mom is that I remember waking up at 3:30 and 4:00 in the morning many times during my life hearing her in the living room praying, crying, and interceding for our family, our church, and the world. In the last few years, I've seen her tested, and I still get amazed. Because of her... I know what faith in action looks like. I know what it means to sew Christmas play and Easter cantata costumes on Saturday night before they're worn the next day. I know what it means to buy crayons and supplies on Sunday morning in expectation of kids coming to church to hear about Jesus. I know what it looks like for my mother to dress up in Camo and wear a bathing suit to children's church (for 26 weeks total) to encourage them to come and read the word and get fed spiritually. I know what it looks like when the ministry you work so hard for is taken away from you and handed to some little twinkie who only works it for a few months. I know how the disdain looks when my mom has offered encouraging advice to a pastor's wife, only to have that pastor's wife criticize and belittle her. And in spite of all that, I continue to see how my mom presses on, pushes the discouragement down and praises the Lord for His Goodness and His mercy. And I know what it looks like to see God's promises, God's good promises, come true right in front of my eyes.
So my Mama may not look like you, or like your mom, or like the Mom I'll become, but trust me when I say, I wouldn't have her any other way.
After writing all this, I realize I probably should have thought about this closer to Mother's Day, but ... shouldn't every day be Mother's Day?
I have been a severe allergy suffered my entire life. I’m not talking about sniffles when my car has turned hologram green from the pollen, I mean allergies to everything – cats, dogs, mold, grass, wood – you name it, I’m allergic to it. Just know that there’s an allergy test story in there and it ended with me hallucinating tucked under my daybed.
The long and short – it was VERY bad.
My allergies are bad. But in the spring, they are MUCH WORSE.
In addition, any allergy sufferer can attest that you begin to develop immunities to medications that you are prescribed. Those RX’s that used to ease your pain now make things worse, more congested, making you wish you’d never asked your friendly Dr. ENT for relief. I have developed an immunity to cortisone which has for several years been my BFF during the spring.
This year, I was determined not to spend $500 on dr.’s appointments, prescription meds, and lost time at work. I should take allergy shots, but HELLO, if you poke me, I will cry. I don’t care how small that needle is, or how much you tell me it won’t hurt. You lie. You liars with needles.
So… I started taking Zyrtec long before spring every sprung. When my car finally did turn green, I mean, when Spring sprang, I supplemented my Zyrtec with the real Sudafed. I don’t mean some knock-off/generic brand. I mean the name brand Sudafed.
Except for this last week when Maple, Oak, Hickory, and Magnolia have been out to get me, I have had the best spring yet. I haven’t had to see a Dr. (PTL), and I haven’t spent hundreds of dollars in prescriptions meds. Plus, there have been all kinds of coupons for $4 off on Zyrtec, so I’ve spent a total of $57.00 to cover the last four months. That breaks down to $0.48 cents per day to keep the doctor away.
And trust me… that works for me. :)
Go here for more WFMW tips. They rock.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
- I have one of the funniest and kindest friends ever. Her name is Elizabeth. She rocks.
- I still cannot breathe. Please Oak, Hickory, Pecan, and Magnolia trees Go Away.
- I chillaxed this weekend.
- Without shame.
- Today is 200 days and counting. Change is being made. It feels so good!
- I had another case of pink eye last week, and thinking it was over, put my contacts in (and make-up on) last night. Because I didn't use all my brain cells, I forgot to throw away my mascara, and woke up a little puffy-eyed and itchy this morning. Note to self: Mascara is evil. Germ stick.
- A friend of mine is working to get BACKSTAGE PASSES TO NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK.
- I'm slightly excited.
- Sike... I totally squealed. Hilarious.
- I finished season 2 of Criminal Minds. Note to self: Do not watch entire season of shows about serial killers late on Friday night alone. Insomnia is NOT your friend.
- I managed to go to bed at 6:30AM Saturday morning. Fortunately, my mom woke me up around noon so I wouldn't completely destroy my sleep pattern.
- I moped around a little bit yesterday as it was the first Memorial Day not in NYC in three years. But I am still thankful for the sacrifice our Navy service men and women do, even if I could not hug a Single/Available Sailor in person.
Did you do anything fun this weekend?
Monday, May 26, 2008
I am at a loss for how to start this, except to just blurt out the truth and tell you that, it's over. We are over. We've had fun, it's been a beautiful ride, and I still care for you deeply, but the time has come for us to acknowledge that all good things must come to an end.
The last year-and-a-half of my life have been absolutely fabulous. We've laughed. We've cried. We've caught the bad guys. We've made sure innocent victims receive justice. We took pictures together. I mean... we've shared so much. But you've changed lately. You are not the man I first fell for. You're different. A vigilante. And now... I'm different. We've been growing apart the last few months, but it was today, when you had a all day marathon, that I realized, I didn't want to watch you anymore. It was today that I truly realized that I have fallen for another man. He's younger. He has a beautiful (and sometimes scary) mind, but he makes me giddy. He makes me smile. I bought all of his available seasons before I'd even started building my collection of seasons 1-5 of Miami. This shames me a little, but I even replaced your picture on my cell phone... what can I say.
You must know that, a part of me will always love you. In the fall, when you return, I can't say that I won't question my feelings again. I'm sorry to do this now, but I don't want to string you along until the fall premier week. You deserve better. I deserve better.
And please don't be upset with Matthew. He's on a different day and time. This was my decision.
All my love,
Thursday, May 22, 2008
a New(ER) car.
I've been fighting change for a while. My pride is having to take a backseat to wisdom. It ain't easy.
But you know how you know that you just have to do things sometimes?
That the initial puncture of a shot is really the only part that hurts?
That the first cut really is the deepest?
Sorry... tangent there.
I have to remember that sometimes, life is a metaphor. That tonight I drive a Buick, but tomorrow, I'll drive a Lincoln.
Do you understand what I'm trying to say?
That I keep settling for what I'm comfortable with, when THE WHOLE TIME GOD HAS SOMETHING BIGGER FOR ME??
Do you get it now?
And don't you understand that the metaphor rings true for all of us?
DON'T YOU GET IT?
Quoted from Marianne Williamson:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
2) The season finale of CSI: Miami left Horatio Caine presumably dead on a tarmack. I ACTUALLY SCREAMED AT THE TELEVISION. ARRGH.
3) I think I have a serious problem with crime dramas. I could watch them for hours. :) MGG!!!
4) Oak, Hickory, and Pecan trees are blooming in case your allergies are bothering you. I am most allergic to these and sound pretty crummy.
5) Blood Pressure is much better today, and it was good last night except for seeing #2. I think it spiked when I saw what happened.
6) I get to have lunch with my friend Bitsy today! Yay!!!! Welcome to Moe's!!!!
Aside from the fact that I can't figure out how to start this post, and the fact that, due to a note BooMama made mention of, I feel foolish not having a title or using "..." as my title every other day, y'all are stuck with "let's talk".
The blogging absense.
Is that good?
This year, in exactly 207 days, I will turn 30. Where I am in my life right now, where I feel like I'm headed, is not really where I thought I'd be by the time I got ready to turn the big 3-0. I was sure I' d be married with like four kids, driving a minivan from one practice to another, so engulfed in church that I wouldn't know if I was at home or there, madly in love with some man, and of course, skinny.
'Cause who imagines themselves being a fatty? Not me.
Alas, I do not have said kids, said husband, said minivan, said practices, or said thinness.
But,... I have to be thankful for that. And the reality is, I am. I'm glad I wasn't 17 or 21 or 23 or even 27 when I got married and started having babies because I wasn't mature enough. I would have totally screwed up God's plan for me. But all that brings me to present day and what I do have going for me.
I am only in debt for student loans and under $1000 in credit cards. Nothing more.
I have a really good job.
I have family that loves me.
I have friends that I care deeply about.
I have potential.
A friend of mine recently went skydiving and had some serious anxiety before doing so. In listening to her, I realized that I have NO DESIRE TO JUMP OUT OF A MOVING PLANE AT 14,000 FEET. But her jumping is a metaphor for how I'm going to move forward. You jump with faith knowing that the parachute will open, that you will land, that all will be okay, and that you are forever changed because of the experience.
and THAT is exactly what I want.
That potential has kind of been eating at me for weeks, enough to prevent me from posting the last few, to really make some changes. To set some goals and start on them before my 30th birthday. To get rid of some toxic relationships I have in my life. To get rid of some health issues before they get worse. (Hello, Mr. Blood Pressure, yesterday was the beginning of the end of you bothering me. Please make note.) To stop underachieving in life out of a need to be accepted as a "cool kid". To stop feeling inadequate that I am not where I thought I'd be or where my friends are. To stop feeling sorry for myself about being single.
Along with tangible goals, I know there are some things that have to change inside too. Taking thoughts captive and retraining my tongue and brain to daily speak blessings. Learning to see life through new eyes, a different perspective. I don't want to change the outside without the inside changing first.
So, if you start to see some changes, know that I want you to ask questions. And I definitely need your encouragement. The way I look at it... the next 207 days are going to be the most interesting I've ever had!
Monday, May 19, 2008
That’s when I realized what was happening.
I tried not to giggle because it only made the pounding worse. :)
You know it’s a bad sign when you’ve gained the wisdom to “self-diagnose”.
Last night, we celebrated my friend K.’s birthday at a place in Chatty called Ghenghis Grill. I had never been there, and really wasn’t super impressed with the food, but we let the birthday girl pick and go regardless. I felt a little weird yesterday anyway (whatever is pollinating is apparently on SuperHigh as I couldn’t breath), but tried to shrug it off.
But this morning, as I laid back down on the bed and counted my heartbeat in my ears, I realized what was happening.
My blood pressure was through the roof.
Ghenghis Grill is a Mongolian stir fry restaurant where you kind of make your own dinner. Somewhere between the seasonings and the sauce, I think I overdid it.
I’m typically a 120/75 kind of BP girl.
When I got to work this morning and took my BP, it was 149/99.
And my head still hurts.
My mom called to check on me and said,”Jenn, now you really have to lose weight”.
So, today at lunch, I will be consuming an entire bunch of bananas (potassium helps lower your blood pressure) and coming up with a healthy meal plan to prevent this from even happening again.
‘Cause I really thought Tommy Lee was pounding out his next drum solo in my head.
And let’s be honest… that’s just doesn’t sound pretty, does it?
Sunday, May 18, 2008
But my heart and mind are heavy, and wisdom tells me that emotional regurgitation on the internet may not always be the best option.
Translation: Don't tell the world, then tell Jesus. Tell Jesus your junk first.
However, I am alive and well. Other then being a little heavy-hearted, I am very well. God is so good. His blessings are more than I can articulate and express. Plus, I've needed the time to regroup. I'll be back to "regular" blogging soon!
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
I woke up kinda late (around 6:55), and decided I wanted breakfast. I bought Fruity Pebbles last week, and couldn't wait to have a bowl. I sat down in the living room and turned on the TV to reminisce and watch Saved By The Bell.
Side note: This year marks 20 years since Mark-Paul Gosselaar began playing Zack Morris. Wow.
So, I sat on the couch, and got enthralled in the episode about the Dating Auction (you know, it's the one where the fat girl puts up $100 to go to the spring dance with Zack... irony, no?)
When I looked up, it was 7:18!
Here's some math:
I need 25 minutes to get ready.
I'm supposed to be at work at 8:00am.
I have at least a 45 minute commute.
So... basically, this wasn't gonna work out. :)
When I realized what time it was, I jumped in the shower. I was on the final rinse of my hair when I heard my front door slam.
Another note: My roommate is in OHIO.
My heart sank to my toes. All my fears, ('cause I am a big giant 'fraidy cat) suddenly started to gather momentum to reality.
I was thinking to myself, "just be quiet. Get out of the shower slowly. Don't make alot of noise". Apparently I thought the "intruder" wouldn't have heard me turn the shower off?
All of the sudden I heard, "Jenn... it's ________"
And I immediately slammed the bathroom door 'cause I was naked.
So tonight, I will be changing the locks on both the front and back door.
I know that people have keys to my house, and I don't mind.
But y'all... 7:22 in the morning is NOT THE APPROPRIATE TIME TO JUST COME ON IN.
In the person's defense, they did call me, apparently right after I got in the shower, and then ten minutes later (after they'd left) to apologize for scaring the ba-hootie-hoo out of me. I did text them back, but the damage was already done.
Here are some lessons:
- If someone doesn't answer your phone call at say 7:22am, give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they can't come to the phone. They could be drying their hair. They could be in the shower. They could be in a coma.
- If someone doesn't answer ten phone calls over a period of two days, maybe you should call the cops.
- If someone doesn't answer the phone, let's say at 7:22am, and you have a key to their house, Don't Come In.
- Unless the aforementioned TWO DAYS has passed. And then you still need to be wary.
Thank God I don't. I would probably have hurt myself more than any intruder.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
I mean, I didn't wake up and realize that or anything (believe it or not I work and have to write the date all the time), but it HIT ME that it's May. And that summer is approaching. It kinda hit me in a really stupid place.
It hit me watching commercials that were talking about series finales... because ugh, summer is upon us.
And it makes me feel a need for some sort of reinvention. Maybe the whole list thing didn't help. Or the fact that I'm listening to Dave Barnes wishing I had a boyfriend.
Did I just type that? You didn't read it. You read nothing.
Maybe that's a really random thought to have, but I doubt for one second that I'm the only one having it. (The REINVENTION, y'all. Just the reinvention part.) This is, (and I can't believe I'm sharing this) one of my biggest fears/reservations about marriage.
Will my spouse feel the same need for occasional reinvention that I do?
Will we have it at the same time?
Okay, so typing that out makes me feel ridiculous, but I think about the relationships I've had, and looking at those people and who they are now versus who they were then, I can see really clearly that we weren't moving along the same road at all. We just met at a gas station, if you will. A pit stop. Kinda like driving into the pit at a Nascar race, just getting the tank filled, or new tires, or a potty break.... being attracted by the lifestyle, the fast cars, the adrenaline, completely unaware that those cars aren't made for two people, and that life isn't lived on that track. (Miran, don't you love the Nascar analogy?)
And I have friends that, it's so easy to see how they've grown forward together, and how beautiful that is.
And THAT makes my Single-girl-looking-for-God's-Best-for-me-heart happy.
And it makes me pray that I stay as acutely aware as possible of what's going on in life, not just my own, and never get too selfish to grow.
I have no idea where this came from.
What I do know... this is the last year of my 20's, and I don't want to waste another moment.
There are some thoughts in there that may also be used to relate to my issues with hair, but let's save that for another blog, K?
One Day at a time, y'all, One Day at a time.
I say with some sense of weirdness that I don't know if I've ever given anything more than thought to a list, much less energy to write one down! I was so embarrassed about this that I didn't leave a comment on hers because I couldn't think of anything I'd set out to accomplish.
That sounds sad, but I'm not really sad about it. I'm not an underachiever, but I'm definitely not some fearless overachiever as well. Staci just crossed one off her list. (Yay Staci!)
So, under peer pressure, some sense of shame and disappointment, and my need to please, I thought that I should compile a list. of sorts. What's on your list, or what have you crossed off your list?
- Get married
- Have kids
White water raft Get over my fear of flying
- Go to Hawaii
- Go to Las Vegas
- Get my Master's degree
- Give up something for a year
So... What's on your list, or what have you crossed off your list?
Monday, May 5, 2008
Next week... hearing aids
The following week... DEPENDS.
- Friday night - Saw Baby Mama.
- Didn't hate it... and it's not what I thought it would be. I was afraid that it would be along the same lines as 40-year old Virgin or something like that, but it was actually decent.
- Saturday morning - Breakfast at Cameron's with my friend M. (Cameron's is a local rest. that is known for their ginormous biscuits.)
- Saw Made of Honor with M.
- I HEART PATRICK DEMPSEY.
- This movie reminded me of "Can't Buy Me Love" and why I love that movie so much.
- Plus Dwayne-Wayne from A Different World played his BF.
- Spent too much money on Sat Night at Target
- After church, a bunch of us headed to the River for my friend S.'s birthday!
- I got sunburned... but we had fun!
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Friday, May 2, 2008
- I have failed to blog that,... I don't totally hate the haircut. She did give me something reminsicent of a rattail, and I had to cut that off, but otherwise, ... it actually looks good.
- See, I am willing to admit when I am wrong.
- I often have to admit when I'm wrong. :)
- We started reading Sex God by Rob Bell last night at our bible study.
- Very interesting book.
- I was pretty exhausted last night.
- Everybody ran out of my house after Grey's like they were on fire.
- I think I'm the only one who thought it was humorous.
- I have a really tall, lovely friend who has redeemed the name "Sarah" for me. She is one cool kid.
- I am definitely NOT going to Mexico.
- And I'm very sad about that.
- But when I called my Mom to tell her, she suggested that we take a trip to Miami this year.
- I mean, ... do I have the BEST MOM or WHAT?
- My love for all things David Caruso is feigning a little. He's kind of playing a vigilante cop. Boo.
- But oh my celebrity crush for Matthew Gray Gubler is growing leaps and bounds.
- I love the nerdy/melodramatic ones.
- My celebrity crushes mirror my taste in men in real life.
- I got into a "disagreement" with Sprint this morning.
- I may soon be changing my second cell phone to Cingular/AT&T.
- There may be another family plan in the works so that my brother can get an IPhone.
- It's lovely outside.
- Thank you God for the weather!!
Be blessed Y'all!!
Thursday, May 1, 2008
I have expressed many times on this "blawg" my deep love for all things Beth Moore. I have cried with her in many a DVD at home, at work, on bible study, and in books too. She has blessed my soul.
Her daughter Amanda -- who is just a few years younger than I, has blessed my heart too through her candidness on the LPM blog and hers as well.
MinistrysoFabulous and I had a conversation the last time she was at my house because I was in awe that Amanda left a comment over on MsF. I mean... to me, she's kind of a celebrity! So, I was thrilled that a celebrity would acknowledge AB.
and then it happened.Yesterday, I checked my email, and it said that I had a comment from Amanda.
I have Amanda friends, and was initially thrilled that one of them would leave me a comment.
But when I posted it, I realized EXACTLY WHICH Amanda has posted.
That's when I saw Jackson's face. And I screeched/squealed. And I 'bout fell over.
Lawdy have Mersie, Mrs. Beth Moore's daughter had left me a comment.
I emailed AB to tell her I was taking her to dinner because I'm confident that this is because of her. And thus I texted my OH-SO-VERY-EXCITABLE Bible study friends, Bits & Amy to tell them.
and to kinda make them jealous.
If you haven't stopped by to read Baby Bangs... let me suggest you do so now. I love Amanda's heart as a young minister's wife, God-fearin' gal, and Mama. She doesn't mince words, and has the wisdom to write and share it all.
And ... leave her a comment. :)
The past few day, there has been a lot of media coverage about the man in Austria who drugged his daughter and then kept her locked up for nearly 25 years in a dungeon underneath his house, raping her and fathering seven children, three of whom he and his wife raised under the guise that their daughter had skipped town, and one of whom he burned when it died.
It’s story like this that illuminate how much we don’t know about each other. AB posted today about seeming to lose herself and yet being able to discover who she is through old posts. I was reading John Mayer’s blog today (don’t judge me yet, just go with it!) and he uses the phrase “This is about a level of self-consciousness so high in my generation, that’s it’s actually toxic”.
How true? How true.
It’s been stated more numerously than I can recount about how we are an overly exposed society, exposed to so much information and technology, as compared to another other generation ever. Our insecurities are magnified 10X more than they were even fifty years ago with the progression of technology.
We lose people. This girl was equivocally forgotten about, except for what her father said. People had stopped looking for her.
In an effort to keep up, we lose ourselves too. Most often, I think we lose ourselves in the “defining game”, that is, defining who and what we are, what we’re about, who we want to be, where we want to fit in – whatever eschelon that is. We do it in the church world too. I can’t help but laugh (instead of cry) after having attended a Christian college – how much of my time there was defined by ministry, constantly asking others “what are you involved in”. I was involved with a women’s social service club (read: sorority), and we had a saying that goes like this: “DZT is my ministry, not my identity”. Frankly, I always hated that phrase considering that, the times it was said the most, the club was usually staring at a group of new girls while wearing coordinating jerseys. It’s understandable why people would be confused that that’s NOT our identity, no? We as Christians do the same. I’m always intrigued by the many variations and definitions of Christians – and not just as our ministry but as our identity. For example, when DC Talk got big in the early 90’s. They rocked an entire era’s worth of believers by being different, talking and singing about issues that were relevant – abstinence, faith, doubt, suffering, abuse, etc. And I’ll be the first to admit that, I wanted to be a Jesus Freak too. I wanted to be different, to stand out, to be LIKE the world but not of it. Subsequently, an entire generation of teenagers took up piling into a mosh pit singing, “What would people think if they hear that I’m a Jesus freak”. We pierced. We tattooed. (Don’t worry Mom, I didn’t.) We pushed the boundaries. And yet… we all looked the same. We got lost seeking an ideal, an identity.
I have openly struggled the last few years figuring out who I am. I am so grateful and thankful that God did not let me be what I asked Him to let me be. I would be in a big ‘ole mess, y’all. Confused, Hurting, Tormented, in Bondage. His Sovereignty is just that… sovereign. It seems that almost daily, I’m apologize to someone for being so honest, or for expressing my opinion when, deep down inside, I am barely sorry (most of the time not at all) for expressing honesty about situations.
‘Cause I’m tired of hiding. ‘Cause I’m tired of being lost in the shuffle. I don’t make any promises that today will be the day that I’m suddenly original and unhindered. I don’t know what that looks like anyway.
“…uncovered and laid bare…” Hebrews 4:13