Monday, July 31, 2006


I have had a very busy weekend.

Friday night – went to go see You, Me, and Dupree with a friend. You see a little Owen Wilson booty, but it’s very brief (pun intended).
Saturday – Goodbye breakfast at Cracker Barrel (first time I’ve been in over four months), got a baby shower gift, swapped beds (the big bed is BACK!), showered three times, went to a birthday party, and went to a cookout.
Sunday – good church service, family portrait (not mine), lunch, swimming (got fried), dinner, watched a sunset from the top of the Holiday Inn, came home and went to bed.

Yesterday at lunch, I ran into one of the managers from LCCA and had a chance to talk with her. This is honestly one of the few people in management there that I have any respect for. I haven’t seen her since T-Day, so it was nice to catch up. I was able to tell her how I really felt, without being bitter or angry. I told her I would email her and did this morning as well. She sent back a response that made me cry and touched my heart.

Still reading my book For Women Only. I found a ‘wish list’ that I wrote before Christmas, and surprisingly this book was on it. Now over half way into the book, I see where I am starting to change. I want to change, to be better, to be a better communicator, to be different, to be intuitive, and A LOT more transparent. Transparency for me is difficult, especially remembering that I can’t leave things implied, that I need to say them and get them out, and has really challenged me mentally and emotionally. I can articulate my feelings in word pictures, but to say them so explicitly, so “Nakedly”, is definitely stepping out of the box for me. Surprisingly enough, it is also making me re-evaluate my perception of things, forcing me to deal with things more quickly, or in most cases, just let stuff go because it is silly. I spent a lot of this weekend talking to friends about their relationships, and also had to come to grips with some things about my own relationships. “I have come so far but am still so very far away.”

Friday, July 28, 2006


Can I just tell you how good God is? When we fail miserably, (and by we I mean “me”), God is so merciful.

Last night at Bible study, one of the gals talked about Peter. Honestly, I thought it was an offbeat topic, but I really needed to hear what she was talking about. She mostly spoke about Jesus’ “reinstatement” of Peter. (My words not hers.) In John 21, Jesus is talking to Peter in front of the disciples and asks Peter three times “Do you love me?”

A literal translation of the Greek text:
[15] After they had eaten, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you spiritually love (from the Greek word agapao) me more than these others do?" "Yes, Lord," he answered, "you know that I love you as a friend (from the Greek word phileo)." Jesus said to him, "Take care of my lambs." [16] A second time Jesus said to him, "Simon son of John, do you spiritually love (agapao) me?" "Yes, Lord," he answered, "you know that I love you as a friend (phileo)." Jesus said to him, "Take care of my sheep." [17] A third time Jesus said, "Simon son of John, do you love me as a friend (phileo)?" Peter became sad because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me as a friend (phileo)?" and so he said to him, "Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you as a friend (phileo)!" Jesus said to him, "Take care of my sheep."

So, what she pointed out simply was that Jesus asked Peter twice if he really loved him, with everything he had. Peter’s response the first two times – I love you with a brotherly love, all that I have. The third time Jesus asked Peter, he asked if he “brotherly” loved him, and Peter’s response is “Yes, I love you with as deep a love my friend that I can possibly have”. The speaker last night used percentages – phileo = 60%, agape = 100%. Peter’s final response can be translated like this: “Lord, you know everything, you know that I love you with 100% of my 60%.

Writing this down made me want to look at the four types of love:
Agape, Eros, Phileo, and Storge. I know the first three, but the last one was a new one to me. Did we talk about Storge in college? I have storge love for a friend of mine. Everytime I see him, I just want to squeeze him, but I’m also learning about the visual rolodex of men and that the only way I’ll ever squeeze him is if I marry him. Silly as it sounds, the last time I saw him, I wanted to give him a big kiss on the cheek too. :)

In light of my own oversight at work, God was very merciful to me today. That which I feared so much, which kept me from resting last night, is now past. This sounds vague, huh? I made a very material mistake (it was a good mistake, but a mistake nonetheless) for over half a million dollars. Last night, I cried and prayed and asked God for mercy. Mercy – because I know that I’m supposed to be where I am right now. Mercy – because I don’t want to relive last year. August 19th will be a year. I know God opened up the doors he did for me for a reason. God also sees my desire to move, but I’m not going anywhere until I know that I know that I know that I know that I know that I am supposed to go.

"Order my steps in thy word: and let not any iniquity have dominion over me." Psalm 199:133

Thursday, July 27, 2006


I can't believe July is almost over. Where has this month gone too??

Something to be praying about specifically:

I have finally applied for a certification in my profession. I have applied for my CFE – Certified Fraud Examiner. Exciting stuff, I know. This designation has been around for a while, but because of Sarbanes-Oxley, this certification has become a lot more important. Globally, companies have implemented risk management departments and standardized procedures as a part of the SOX compliance. CFE’s are also recognizable in the criminal justice system with investigation into white collar crime. Many CFE’s also become news commentators providing insight into large cases (i.e. Enron). It also deals with compliance and ethics. This is only a portion of what the certification references, but some of the details can be boring.

Now begins the waiting game. You have to apply as an associate and be approved before you can take the test. I know that they have received my application because I received an email today. … and I got ridiculously excited!!! Right now, I have no desire to take my CPA or CMA because I honestly don’t think I want to be an accountant forever. I want to become a teacher within the next few years, but need something to pay the bills in the mean time. My point in mentioning this was to ask anyone and everyone to pray, and thank you in advance for your prayers.

Other than that, life is still busy. After 6 every night – these were/are my plans:

Monday – dinner and walk
Tuesday – Going away dinner for friend. No walk; too full!
Wednesday – Dr.’s appointment, CD release party at place in Chatty (do not recommend), buying baby shower gift, buy meds, home at 12:30a.m I was beat.
Thursday (Today) – Bible Study, figuring out how I’m going to move my bed?. I would like to walk, but I don’t see that happening.
Friday – graduation commissioning for my friend Kristen (whom I am SO PROUD of).
Saturday – Graduation, Baby shower, Ocoee Rafting (I’m setting up the picnic; I will not raft again), and birthday party.
Sunday – Supposed to go to the river for another going away party/family thing, but I’m not sure.

Can I tell you I’m a little exhausted to write all this? But I’m thankful!

Dr’s visit went good yesterday. Now begins another process with self-discipline. Allow me to quote the Little Engine that Could when I say, “I think I can, I think I can.” And… I will. :)

Tuesday, July 25, 2006


Weekly recap:

FYI – I’m getting slack on posting and am working to get better.

1. Lost four pounds in the last two weeks. Praise the Lord.
2. Work was a little more relaxed last week with my boss being out. This week, my director is out and it is still pretty lax.
3. Spent the weekend in Atlanta. Went to Discover Mills and Lenox Mall. I love Lenox. :) I make NO WHERE near the amount of money to shop there (except for Sephora), but I still enjoy going.
4. Figured out what to get my best friend for their birthday. Thank the Lord.
5. I have come to the realization that I am never going to have time again like I did even three months ago. I am okay with that, and am thankful for the opportunity to be busy.
6. New book… will venture with details soon. Still reading Ruthless Trust and For Women Only.
7. I am consciously (with God’s help) working to be better in the way I treat the men in my life.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006


No post in a few days... I'm slipping.

I am slowly growing accustomed to the dark hair. Note to readers: make sure your stylist/colorist can read. Two boxes of Ash BLONDE not Ash BROWN.

Had a busy weekend... got sick at the end. :(

Yeah... whatever train of thought I had going... I've lost. I'll write more later!

Thursday, July 13, 2006


I remember a time in my life where I was so passionate about things that the very opportunity to share with others was thrilling and breathtaking. I remember a time when I could be persuasive and emblazzenened with purpose.

What happened????

Wednesday, July 12, 2006


Taylor Dayne's "Tell it to my Heart" came on the radio, and I was suddenly inundated with flashbacks of Rave hairspray, making up dances with my best friend Laura on the front porch, and my permed hair.

The 80's were awesome.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006


Things I love:

Hearing the voice of someone special. If I ever had the ability to capture those moments, I would store them forever.

Hugs. I need lots of hugs. My family is ‘huggie’, and I love it. I think hugs help do something to the chemicals in your brain and just make you feel better. Kisses are nice too, but this is definitely not the forum to discuss my opinions on kisses.

I feel like I could get carried away with this next one… but I love smelling a man, you know? Sometimes it’s cologne, sometimes it’s just soap or deodorant, but I just love the smell of a man.

Laughter. Laughter is so wonderful for the soul. My boss and I went to lunch today and just laughed. Well… she vented a while, but we did a lot of laughing. And I love the kind of laughing where you’re so relaxed that you throw your head back and close your eyes, maybe even snort. Then everything is funny.

Soft skin and warm hands… Okay… I’m gonna stop here.

Last night, I had a two-year old tell me “I love you. I really mean it Jenfur. I love you.” It made my whole day. Then she cried because her Mommy wouldn’t let her eat her cookie in the mall. But it was a sweet, fleeting moment, and I love it!

A lady at work got healed of cancer. PTL.

Not much else is really going on… maybe soon… :)

Monday, July 10, 2006


So I had a blast this weekend!

Friday night – got home and went and saw The Devil Wears Prada with my friend M. It’s the second time I’ve seen it, but it was very cute. Got home around 11, and talked with my roommate until 1. I was exhausted.

Saturday morning – woke up at 7:15, but didn’t get out of the bed until 8 because of late bedtime. Packed and headed to ATL to visit my friend C. He and I went to see Faith Hill and Tim McGraw in concert… and can I tell you how good that was!?! DEFINITELY worth every penny. Late dinner at CafĂ© Tu Tu Tango. Got back to hotel at 2:45 a.m.

Sunday – Church at 10:50. Every now and then, I get the privilege of a truly awesome sermon. And Sunday… was a good day! The pastor preached about the word “conversation”. In the original KJV, the word conversation is used several times, a few in reference to actual conversation (like between two people), but in a particular scripture, Ephesians 4:22, the word is used differently:

Ephesians 4:22 (King James Version)
22That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts;

And the pastor proceeded with a sermon to explain what conversation meant. I’m paraphrasing at best, but here is a very brief summation:

“From sin to salvation is the transformation of conversation. Where Christian run into problems is when the “old” conversation infects the “new conversation” and changes the new reality.”

He talked about a lot of things, included cyclical conversation, using the example of women who are abused verses women who are not. Our internal conversation affects our external reality. The conversation we have in our both our upbringing and in our minds affects how we interpret another’s conversation.

For me… I thought about the cyclical conversations that I have. I thought about my personal life and how I really need to bind and break those conversations. I don’t want the old to infect the new anymore.

On another note… found about 45 of the healing scriptures. My roommate and I are going to put them up in the house somewhere. I’m ready for the Lord to heal A LOT of things. :)

Okay… gotta run. Will download pictures of a hot cowboy later…

Thursday, July 6, 2006


Good Morning!!!!

I am very proud to say that I arrived at work at 7:12 this morning. I did almost fall in the parking lot (they just renovated and we’ve got slick tile out there), but regardless, I did get to work in good time. I wish I could do this everyday, but it would require me to go to bed at 9:30, and who wants to be a Grandma? Not me.

Going to see Tim McGraw & Faith Hill this weekend. I have never been to a country concert in my life. If this is anything like NASCAR, I’m in for a treat. Paid $65.00 for cute shoes, but I can’t wear them now. I’m taking that as God’s humbling technique. He knows my heart and my intentions, and knows how to keep me in check.

I go to the Orthopedist tomorrow. Foot is not so swollen today, but definitely in a lot more pain. Oh yeah… I fell off the next to last step of my parents back porch and my ankle popped. I was trying not to step on a cat. FYI – I hate cats. Also almost had another try to ride back to Dalton with me. Yowsa.

And there is a funky odor in my office… EEWW.

Next weekend will be the last crazy weekend I have for four weeks. Finally. I’m getting a little tired of living out of a suitcase. But… August is coming, and I have LOTS to do!

Talked to my friend M. and we are not going to get an apartment in Chatty. I hate confrontation, and can’t ever find a nice way to say “I don’t want to live with you”, without it sounding horrible. I am excited to stay where I am for a while.

Anyway… I need to get back to work. Hope everyone is having a good day… Peace.

Saturday, July 1, 2006


It's freakin' July. Where has the year gone?

Fact: I drive alot. I got new tires in October, and have since put 27,000 miles on since then. That's 9 oil changes in ten months for you non-math majors. When I tell you I'm never at home -- I'm really never at home.

Time with family is nice until you want to choke each other. Then, it's not so much fun.

I realized that while we have quiet time in the car after my brother has screamed at me, I am still thinking all kinds of stuff. Like "Why are we having quiet time?" "Why does the youngest person in the car get the last say?" "Why I am flipping out over this?", etc.

I have been entirely too sensetive lately. I don't know why, but when my Mom calls me "Sensie" and she's not referring to any particular heightened sense, I know it's time for me to chill out.

I like Atlanta, but the cops last night were Nazi's.

I'm still holding onto things, people, memories, stuff, crap, that I can't figure out how to let go of.

I don't like the person I am becoming.

Fact: Don't use guy friends as sounding boards unless you want them to completely negate what you are saying/insinuating/asking just for the sheer fun of it. Also, they'll be truthfully blunt, and it could hurt.

Peace out.