Sunday, April 24, 2011

oh my.

I did not in any way, shape or form, intend to ever be in this place.

And hte part I'm struggling with right now is that I don't want to leave.  Mind you, there are things here that make me nervous.  I call it scared, but I think it's more about being out of my comfort zone than anything.

My poor shattered little comfort zone.  Eek!

Tomorrow, we are going to spend a night in the desert.  After seeing the big city, fast-pace, and middle of nowhere slow pace, I think I like the slow pace part of this land.

I love the honor.  I love that chivalry exists here.

Too bad it's nearly dead stateside.

Although, I did have someone offer a bride price for me.  Too bad no one here needs 10 camels.


Thursday, April 21, 2011

the road.

I have never in my life felt as small as I did today.  My fearless friend and I drove from the Dead Sea to Petra. 

Both the map and a few internet searches indicated that the road was at times, treacherous.  If I'd had any indication of what I was going to see today, I promise you, I would have not gone. 

We got on this small, hardly paved road and drove for about 30 kilometers (about an hour) at a slow speed.  I have never been more afraid in my life of a car breaking down.  My friend (who owes me a hug after I didn't totally freak out and he ultimately rescued me) was so calm on the road.

But that wasn't the best part.  I had the privilege to see a part of the earth today that only a small percentage have seen.  It's incredibly breathtaking, but so outrageously isolated that I'm finding it hard to put together the words to tell you what I saw.

What I can tell you, is how it made feel.  I have never felt so small and so insignificant in my entire life.  To know the brevity that God alone know each crook and hidden place in the magnificence that I saw today is too much for words.  Littered along the highway were Bedouin families.  The isolation they live in is kind of unfathomable to me.  When I return home, I'm going to go back to my apartment alone, sleep in my huge comfy bed alone, and get back to life.

But my problem is that I've seen too much.

I've seen how some people on the other side of the world live, and frankly, I cannot afford to be so comfortable in my spoiled little rich life.  If I'm the woman and the Christian that God has called me to be, I'm going to have to work to not put back on the materialistic blinders that I wear so frequently.

I'm going to have to be different. I AM different. 

There is an older Christian song that includes the following line:

"You make the road rise up to meet me"

Today, more than ever before, I understand COMPLETELY what that means.


Tuesday, April 19, 2011


I know I said I wasn't going to blog,... but I can't help it.

Today, I stood where Moses did and over looked the Promised Land.  I saw where Jesus and John the Baptist were baptized and stuck my foot in the Jordan River.

There is nothing I've done in the last few years that even compares to this.

While on the top of the mountain, I asked God for a really big prayer.  He showed Moses the actual promise and I'm ready to see it in this particular avenue of my life.

I'm ready. READY.

Today was fun... the next week is going to be amazing. 

Never did I even imagine being here... and yet here I am.

I love it!!


Saturday, April 16, 2011


In less than 15 hours, I start one of the most interesting trips of my life. 

I'm normally someone who "makes" stuff happen.  I wish I could tell you that things always fall into place, but I've discovered that more often than not, "thing" need some assistance to go the right direction.

By those "things", I'm referring to a few failed relationships because making things happen takes out both the spontenaity and fluidity of relationships.  So basically they all blew up in my face and I have no one to blame.


But I can say with complete confidence that my adventure had so little involvment on my part that it's left me concerned.  Can I actually trust that God is working out all of the details?

Why yes, Yes I can.

Furthermore, He already has.

Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine a trip like this.  It was so far off my grid, off my periphery that I still can't believe it's happening.  I'm not fearful, just ridiculously excited.

So, here I am.

My bags are 99% packed (I lack a few things that I'll pick up in the a.m.), and I think I'm ready to go.  I have a nice outfit to wear on the plane because my mother informed me that lately I've been dressing like a slob and to quote her, "Jennifer, you're not traveling with your brother.  You need to look cute".  Ha!  So, Fancy Nancy here has her plane-traveling duds all ready to jetset to the other side of the world.

And in 48 hours, I'll stand where the saints stood.  I'll see things that Jesus saw.  I probably won't be able to process it all, but I'm going to give it a try.

Here I go!!!!


Tuesday, April 5, 2011

an update. Kinda.

I have tried like umpteen thousand time to write a post!!

I've been journaling lately (like writing with a pen in a notebook) and it's so cathartic.  I haven't written like that in forever.  I'd long since traded in my pen and pad for the click-click-click of my keyboard.


I'm on overload preparing for my trip.  I leave in 12 days.  I can hardly stand myself!!

Because of my own safety (and the safety of others), I haven't and won't blog as openly as I might about my trip.  BUT (and that's a big But), I'm on a high of sorts getting ready.  Never in a million years, never in one dream, did I ever envision visiting the country I'm headed to.  Wow doesn't do it justice.


I've found myself riddled with insecurity these last few weeks.  While it makes me sad and frustrated, I know that sometimes we have seasons where we have to struggle so that, when we come out on the other side, we have something to be grateful for.


My life has changed so much -- almost unrecognizably for me -- since December.  Free time is such a luxury, whereas this time last summer? WIDE OPEN.  Ha. 


In my journal as of late, I've been writing "letters" as they were to my kids.  Then I got tickled thinking that my daughter might read my words, unless... what if I have a boy?  My poor future unborn children.  They're going to think they're Mama is kinda nuts.


It's funny to me how, in ever season of my life, God is the same and different. :)