Friday, March 30, 2007


So, I’m in a bloggin’-funk, and I don’t know how to start this entry. (There’s a start!)

Last night – we cranked up another study at the FBC: Beth Moore’s Loving Well. And I wanted to ball my eyeballs out. I’m not sure why. We watched the video last night, and I just wanted to cry the entire time.

A few years ago, being the massive crybaby that I am, I asked God to take away the tears, and no kidding, I didn’t cry for almost six months. It was a horrible period in my life. I have cried in these last six months, but I feel like the majority of them have been happy tears. Then last night, Beth mentioned David having to encourage his own soul.

I still wanted to cry, but kinda felt better then. So, to my soul I say, “Why are you so sad???”

My hope and prayer is that this is not over a boy, because frankly, it’s getting old.

And he was at my house again last night. He left a message with a friend of mine that, since he hadn’t seen us in 20 hours, he was having withdrawals. And he sat by me on the couch.


And the series from Beth is about loving well, and how in order to REALLY love people well, you have to love them to the point of exposure – to the point that you know that at some point you are going to get hurt. And my brain REELS.

And on top of that, a job opened up at work two doors down from my office that would almost double my salary. No, you did not misread that; it would increase my salary by 80%. And the Holy Spirit tore me up the other day about praying for Hawaii and putting a time frame on it again. Moreover – telling people my time frame.

1) Cute guy that LOVES JESUS, is in seminary, has integrity, is taller than me, and is not anorexic. (And the church and all my friends said AMEN)
2) Incredible promotion opportunity in my same building, with my same department, with the wonderful people that I love so much
3) Hawaii – tropical paradise

I’m so stinking confused.

So, between Beth Moore, John Ortberg, and Brother Andrew, all three folks are talking to me about being transparent. Exposed. Vulnerable. And I am. Every time I think about this guy – my heart gets EXCITED. When I think about this job, I think about not having to start over in a place and make brand new friends, and getting out of all of my debt - I get EXCITED. And when I think about Hawaii… I mean… it’s Hawaii. I can’t help but think about it - and get EXCITED.

Maybe this post makes no sense.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

... good quotes...

“To make a start where we are, we must recognize that our world is not normal, but only usual at present.” Dallas Willard

“Community is the place where the person you least want to live with always lives.” Henri Nouwen

“Assault and withdrawal are the two essential forms of relational sin.” Dallas Willard

“Attack and withdrawal are practiced by every human being on earth, and they damage every marriage and family and workplace and church. At root, they are the two expressions of the one great sin, which is the lack of love, the violation of the one great commandment. All of our relational mismanagement is really a variation on these two tendencies of the fallen human heart. When we feel threatened, we want to hurt others or hide from them.” John Ortberg

“Lonliness is the leprosy of modern society.” Mother Teresa

“Community is the place where our limitations, our fear and our egoism is revealed to us. While we are alone, we could believe we loved everyone. Now that we are living with others, living with them all the time, we realize how incapable we are of loving, how much we deny to others, how closed in on ourselves we are.” Jean Vanier

This is just WRONG.

The World's Tallest Man marries a woman who is 5'6".

This ridiculously exceeds my 12 inch rule. Seriously.


I haven’t blogged in almost a week now.

I think there are times when, your actions tell the reality of what is going on in your life. Anybody who reads this with the faintest sense of who I am… knows that I love writing. I do. You should also know that a lack of writing shows a lack of organization in my life too. That is my problem.

Here’s what I feel – I feel like I’ve been in this incredible horrible mood for about three weeks. The stupidest things are getting on my nerves and I’m griping about them. I’m thankful in prayer in the morning and at night, but the twelve hours or so in between, I’m totally sucking wind at being thankful for EVERYTHING God has done for me. I also feel like I’ve been running ninety-to-nothing the last three weeks, and I haven’t read like I should. That makes a huge difference in me! I have to get good meaty word in my heart to stay balanced. Instead, I’m still pining over a boy (sheesh!), keeping my social calendar full and trying to read as minimal as possible. AND.IT.SHOWS. I’ve been short with friends, missed appointments, ignored phone calls, because of this ridiculously foul mood, and frankly, IT’S GOT TO STOP.

I’m choosing Today as the starting point of me stopping doing this. (Yes, that sentenced is packed-full of grammatical errors, but I don’t care.)

This past weekend, I was in New York. Friday was a total fiasco. It was bad from the start. We missed our plane. My weekend progressively got better, but the damage was already done. I missed seeing two friends because both of my cell phones were dead. I walked 30 miles in three days (which any New Yorker would consider light). It boils down to this – my brother just needed time with my mother and I. We went to church with him on Sunday. CAN I JUST TELL YOU HOW GOOD GOD IS??? I’ve been praying for a few months seriously about JM going to church. And he found one, on his own, and he loves it. The pastor is David Epstein – (Kathie Lee Gifford’s brother). And he’s awesome.

In other news… I left all my phone chargers at my Mom’s house too.

That’s all I’ve got right now… I’ve lost my train of thought…

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Thursday Thirteen #7

Yes... it's that time again!!! Last week's thirteen were filled with cold remedies. This week... I'm sticking to what I know -- 13 things I'm thankful for THIS week! I have been in a funk (to say the least) and remembering what all I have to be thankful for WILL make me feel better!

1) God's never-ending-new-each-day-mercy (that I am so unworthy of).
2) My prayer time in the morning. (I have a 45 minute drive to work. This morning was a good time to cry.)
3) Getting to see my Mother and Brother this weekend.
4) Getting out of Tennessee. (and the whole choir shouted AMEN!)
5) Getting to see my friends J. & S. tonight at Cracker Barrel.
6) Good health this week! (I feel SOOOOOOOOOOO much better.)
7) Clean clothes -- I was able to get everything washed/folded/hung up before I left this morning.
8) Good books. (Still reading about the fellowship of the mat. L.O.V.E.I.T.)
9) Praying that I calculated my state taxes correctly and that I can actually keep the refund I calculated.
10) Gorgeous spring weather!
11) Cute shoes
12) New stationery
13) A Balanced Checkbook. :)

Word Cloud

There is a nifty little site that will go read your blog, then create a word cloud. It's called I am so impressed!!

The Countdown is on...

That's right ... in 22 1/2 hours, I will be in New York City. I love it. This is my getaway.

I'm so excited about a trip out of town. And I love that this place gets to be my out of town, too! My Mom and I are flying out EARLY in the morning, and will meet my brother around 9:00 a.m. While we are not entirely sure what we are going to be doing this weekend, I can assure that it will be so sweet to just be with my Mom and my brother. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, but it was Mom, John Mark, and me for so long... and we don't get to have that time often with JM living so far away. We will probably be painting my brother's apartment; thank God it's only 250 square feet. Hopefully, we can knock that out before lunchtime tomorrow. JM and I are planning on taking my Mom to a show -- she hasn't been to a show since 1974, when she was in California. I'm going to try to see some friends in the city, and catch a good church service! More than anything, I just pray that I will get some perspective and "new air" in my body. Time away from CleveVegas will help me appreciate it so much more!

Much love...

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Search me...

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." Psalm 139:23-24

Life is totally complicated.


Last night, I went, with a few friends, to 7:22, (Andy Stanley's church in Alpharetta, GA). Stuart Hall spoke and did an awesome job. He was in the middle of a three-part series called "All Most God" about God's infiniteness. He did an incredible job. He used a beautiful parallel of a cardboard box, and how that represents are skewed and small frame of reference, and contrasted that to the infiniteness that is God Almighty. "He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth, and it's people are like grasshoppers. He stretches out the heavens like a canopy, and spreads them out like a tent to live in." (Isa 40:22) ""To whom will you compare me? Or who is my equal?" says the Holy One." (Isa 40:25)

With that said... I've struggled in recent months about trying to really grasp the magnitude of who God is, and how big He is. But, it remains that He.Just.Is. And my trying to grasp it is futile, I just have to trust.

I am totally struggling with stuff these days too... prayer,... friends acting stupid,... personal junk... Hawaii... but I keep coming back to what God's already done in my life, and how cool that is. And my faith gets a jolt. My heart gets more excited. I can't change my friends, I can't prevent storms, but I'm trying to have a good attitude in it all.

I guess that makes my "unofficial" Works for me Wednesday is Jesus. Jesus works for me.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

afternoon hysteria

So... I saw a blog that had a picture of a Spider-Man Mr. Potato Head. (FYI,... I'm so sorry you were unable to purchase him due to the unfortunate recall.)

So, I was telling my brother about it, and he mentioned that a guy at work had a Darth Vader Mr. Potato head. He googled it, and then the following conversation ensued:

JM: Yeah, it's cool. They have Darth Vader.

Me: ha ha. That's pretty funny. Can you email me a picture?

JM: Yeah. Wait. It's not Darth Vader, it's Darth Tater.

I seriously could not quit laughing for ten minutes. Stinkin' hysterical. Thought I would share the "forceful" Potato Head characters.

The first day of Spring

I deleted my last post because it sounded stupid. That's only like the second or third time I've ever done that.

Here's what's happening in my neurotic world:

1. THE CRUSH IS GETTING WORSE. Every time he's at my house... it's killing me. I got so mad at him last week, for being a jerk, and then he comes back, and acts sweet again, and it melts my heart.


2. I am going to 7:22 in Alpharetta with a few friends. should be exciting. :)

Monday, March 19, 2007

Good quotes

"The soul is dyed the color of its thoughts. Think only on those things that are in line with your principles and can bear the full light of day. The content of your character is your choice. Day by day, what you choose, what you think, and what you do is who you become. Your integrity is your destiny-- it is the light that guides your way." -Heraclitus

"No man steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river, and he's not the same man." - Heraclitus

"Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing." -Mother Teresa

"Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired." -Mother Teresa

"A thousand voices clamor for our attention, and a thousand causes vie for our support. But until we have learned to be satisfied with fellowship with God, until He is our rock and our fortress, we will be restless with our place in the world." -Erwin W. Lutzer

"Fear God more than you fear what He wants you to do." -Beth Moore

"It is always better to fail in doing something than to excel in doing nothing. A flawed diamond is more valuable than a perfect brick."

"It is a curious thought, but it is only when you see people looking ridiculous that you realize just how much you love them." - Agatha Christie

"The woman came out of a man's rib. Not from his feet to be walked on, not from his head to be superior, but from the side to be equal, under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved." "The world is a great book...they who never stir from home read only a page." -St. Augustine

"Dullness, not doubt, is the strongest enemy of faith, just as indifference, not hate, is the strongest enemy of love." -Peter Kreeft

"God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world" ~CS Lewis

"Prayer is exhaling the spirit of man and inhaling the spirit of God." -Unknown

"My soul is restless, until it rests in you, oh God." -St. Augustine

"To be Beautiful is to be full of thought for others." -Mother Teresa

"We will never develop authentic confidence in God's sovereign control until we let him see us through those seasons when life seems out of control." - Beth Moore

They finally like my hair...

Well... it's Monday. I was off work on Friday due to "ILLNESS". Touch of bronchitis and laryngitis. I sounded like a 13-year old boy going through puberty on Friday. Hysterical. Much better now though!!!

Friday was fairly uneventful. Visit to a doctor who attempted to prescribe $150.00 worth of meds. And that was a negative! Got some cheaper meds, passed out in front of others (Yes, the Climax of Embarassment), had to be driven home, crashed.

Saturday... felt better... got out for a bit. Spent $40.00 on cards. Easter cards, baby shower cards (I'm throwing one for my friend K.), and three really special cards. Here's what the special cards say:

Knock, Knock

Who's There?

Guess Who's not, because HE GOT UP! (Matthew 26:8).

I seriously got excited in Wal-Mart. I mean... HE GOT UP! God is good. :)

Saturday night, a friend of mine came over, and we just had some time to share. I'm not always the best listener, but that's what my friend needed me to be. She was receptive to things that have been on my heart for a few weeks, and really just needed somebody to encourage and listen to her. It was a good 'ole girls' night.

Sunday -- got up and went to church, then Outback with some friends. Watched Tennessee beat UVA.

At church yesterday, four people walked up and told me they really liked the color of my hair. So... it's official. I actually really like it too... it's cheaper, and it's more natural, and I don't have to color it as often. I need to color it badly now, because there's so much white, but it doesn't bother me as much. I actually said "Thank you" too, instead of going into some schpiel about colors and all that jazz.

On to other things... I think I may have hurt a friend's feelings by accident. I don't get to see this person much... hardly at all, but they made mention of it, and now I'm scrambling to figure out a way to see them when I'm in town. I totally didn't mean to come across so non-chalantly about their life; it really was an accident. Hopefully the situation will work itself out this weekend.

Since I had a lot of downtime this weekend, I was able to get all of the cards addressed, signed, and most of them mailed. It's a good feeling!!!


I'm reading a book that breaks down a part of Luke 5:17, where Jesus heals the man whose friends bring him in to see Jesus. The author referres to it as the Fellowship of the Mat.

I would love to expound here, but it's not the right place or stage to do so. I will say this. I have quite an ecclectic group of friends. Personalities, hobbies, locations, all play a factor into the dynamics of our friendships. Some do things I would never do, others do things I wish I could do. But I love them all anyway. I'm human, and more times than I wish, I fail to make the right investments in their lives. Sometimes, I'm just broke and can't, or trying to work on other things, and geniunely don't have time. Again, I'm human. But... I still love them and pray for them, and am thankful for whatever time I get to spend with them or talk to them.

And the fellowship of the Mat involves the realization that, for my friends to see my Mat, then I must be vulnerable. THIS... in all that it is, is part of my mat. If I have chosen to include you, then please know that I am showing you a part of me that I try to reserve for those who I need to see me vulnerable. Because I'm human.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Thursday Thirteen #6

Here is the list of thirteen medications/home remedies for cold relief that I have received as suggestions today:

1) Jesus... and divine healing.
2) Z-pak
3) Mucinex
4) Jack Daniels
5) Honey, Lemon, and hot water. (Drink fast. Go lay down quickly)
6) Combination of #4 & #5. Lay down very quickly. And don't attempt to operate heavy machinery.
7) Zyrtec -- b/c somebody thought I was a Sissy.
8) Claritin and Tylenol Cold.
9) Theraflu (???)
10) Time under a humidifier
11) Vaporub on my chest
12) Lots of water and soup
13) Zycam

There are alot of ZZZ's in that list, and frankly, that's what I would like to be doing right now.

The Ides of March.

I have a head cold.

Take that, Brutus.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

I took a break from blogging yesterday. I had nothing to say. Or, I had nothing to say that would have been positive. I don’t want to be in a whiny mood, and I cannot figure out the source of my immediate frustrations. I feel like a lot of things have been getting on my nerves recently, that typically wouldn’t, and I’m just letting it get to me.

And to think, my intention was to not share my whiny mood. Boo.

Last night, we wrapped up Stormie O’Martian’s study on the Power Of A Praying Woman. I wanted to share thoughts about this study, for anyone who may be considering doing so.

1) It is the group-thought (my group from this study) that this is obviously Stormie’s first DVD series. She is not as “polished” as we were hoping.
2) The sound technician is either a) not a close friend of Stormie’s, b) hearing impaired, or c) trying to do more than one thing at a time and is THUS unable to point out the flaws of an ear-microphone.
3) While the DVD’s lack a sense of enthusiasm, the homework is pretty good. The Scriptures should be scriptures you are familiar with, they are just organized in a different structure to help the participant.
4) Do not attempt to use this bible study as a follow-up after completing a Beth Moore study. It will leave you with a sense of disappointment.
5) Stormie and her group have taken the time to include very beautiful prayers at the end of each of the ten weeks. Last night, I read the last one aloud to our group. It was a testament to how we feel, what God is doing, and the multitude of good things God wants to do in our lives. I am going to try to swipe a book at lunch so that I can share it. I seriously loved it.

I feel like those seem more negative than positive, but that was not my intention. I will say, it doesn’t matter what study you do, getting together in this kind of community will encourage you, even if the study isn’t up to the par you were hoping. During our ten-week study, we’ve have the privilege of watching God heal one of our “groupies” from Breast Cancer. Now, if that ain’t the power of praying – I don’t know what is. We are continuing to watch God do really awesome things in our individual lives, our church(es), our families, and friends. And we know that God is far from done. Our problems and prayer requests become more intricate each week, but God is still God, and He hears us when we pray. I am not an eloquent prayer. I often quote scripture during prayer because I know that, when words fail me, I have nothing else but to stand on The Word. For me personally, I have been challenged to pray more deeply, with more passion, and with more conviction. Oh that we could all be people that, when we pray, we touch the Throneroom of Heaven with our prayers, to shake the world.

On a less spiritual note, I have been so thankful for this study and the opportunity to get to know the precious women (with whom I have been studying) so much better. They make me laugh, smile, and cry nearly every week. They encourage my soul with their hugs and words. They bless my life with their presence. (Okay… this somehow got slightly-spiritual.) They listen, and then offer advice with candor, love, honesty, and experience. I mean, what more could I ask for? Seriously, when I think about Hawaii, I want to pack this group of women up, and take them with me. I am confident that none of them would object (provided I could bring their husbands and children too).

For the record, I feel much better now.

On to really non-spiritual things... Phil Stacey did such a good job last night!!! And I love the sign that his family made for him! It was so sweet. I recorded AI, and just fast-forwarded through the first hour to see how Phil did. I'm so proud!!!

Ooohhh... I'm at a juncture that I'm almost bookless. Does anybody have a good recommendation??? Anything???? If you do, let me know, and tell me why it's good. I can be easily captivated by the first page, or by another's testimony. :)

Monday, March 12, 2007


"It is one thing to praise discipline, and another to submit to it."
Miguel de Cervantes

aches and pains...

Yesterday, several friends and I went to the softball field at my alma mater and played softball, a little frisbee, and an Ohio-an game of Cornhole. I have been fairly anaerobic since my reunion last September (I wound up having bible study on two nights, thus limiting any opportunity to walk regularly), but OH, am I paying the price today. I had to pray this morning and remind myself that those muscles NEED to be used more often, so as to prevent mornings where I feel that my body may have been trampled in the night by a herd of bulls.

My weekend was really busy! Ironically enough, I spent it with the same people though. My crush is past. 1) It's obvious how he feels, and 2) having this crush is a distraction from Hawaii and other goals. I don't have respect for guys who feel any obligation to be complete jerks, so all I know to do is to pray for him, in spite of his jerki-ness, even if he is in Seminary. On the flip side, the state youth director from Hawaii that I have been emailing was at church Sunday morning (lo' and behold!), so I was able to finally meet him in person, and he was just as encouraging in person!!!

I did go to church yesterday, and although this is one of those topics that may seem relatively unimportant, (in lieu of the other, deeply profound blogs that I read), but there are two services simultaneously at this church. The pastors are preaching a joint series, but what struck me yesterday was the speaker said, "I'm not feeling it". I've been in church my whole life... you know? I have no problems with series sermons, because I know that God gives pastors/preachers these for a reason, but I'm also up for "divine inspiration". This kind of legalism gets me. Maybe it shouldn't, but it does. The speaker was quick to say that it didn't matter if he was feeling it or not, but the damage was already done for me. There is way more to expound upon, but maybe it's best for me to just drop it now. Maybe.

My perceptions are still shattering about other things too. I shared my feelings about a recent topic with two friends of mine and my grandmother recently. All three of them disagreed, and in a really nice way, rebuked me. But, the whole thing checked in my spirit. Friday night, I got a phone call that confirmed what checked in my spirit. In my own I'm-a-weirdo-kinda-way, I'm relieved to know that what was going on in my heart wasn't something I made up.

Lord,... I am listening. I'm trying to discern what you're telling me. People thought John was crazy because he ate bugs and wore animal skin. I'm not quite that extreme, but continue to remind me that, people aren't always going to like what I have to say. They're going to think I'm wierd, or crazy, or a whole list of adjectives. Remind me that I am not out to prove the world wrong. I'm only here to continue to confirm You. Remind me that "one day,... they'll see". Continue to break my heart to love them deeply, and share with them what you're telling me even when they don't like it. Thank you for your presence. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

Friday, March 9, 2007

Dear Me

Ran across the "Dear Me" project a few days ago, and decided I would participate. The concept is, you write a letter from yourself today, to yourself at some time in the past. Several letters I read were written from the person to themselves 20 years ago. I would have been eight. I remember some things, but not that much, so I opted for 15 years instead. I seriously bawled my eyeballs out writing this. There are so many people and events that I wanted to write about, but I thought the highlights were important. Just thought I'd share it:

Dear Me in 1992,

Sweet child, you are thirteen years old today, and as confused as ever. Life is ever the turmoil of best friends, eighth grade, Chad Tidd, dance, church, and band practice. You’ve just had your last perm, and although you don’t know it, you should be shouting to Jehovah that the torture is over. However, it will take your hair many years to repair, and by that time, you’ll discover hair color. You have no idea what you will do to your poor head.

You are not fat. You are short. You won’t be short for long though. Before you know it, you will outgrow every pair of pants you own. And tight-rolling them won’t help anything. You’ve only worn contacts a few months, and you’ll experiment with different colors. But your eyes are special. They are windows to your soul. You will never have the luxury of hiding how you feel, because people will be able to see it in your eyes. You will struggle for a long time with your weight, but remember that God doesn’t look at the appearance, but that He looks at the heart. Take care of yourself, stop drinking so many cokes, and try to cut out the junk food once in a while.

Your Mom is an incredible woman of strength. She possesses courage, determination, and a holy reverence for God’s own heart that you will only see once or twice in your life. She made great sacrifices for you, beyond what you will ever know. She is more than your mother, she will be your greatest confidante. She will teach you how to pray. She will let you see her mistakes, in the hopes that you don’t repeat them. But when you do, she will pick you up, and push you to be a better woman. She will teach you to be a godly wife and loving mother. She will teach you to see joy in the simplest thing. She will show you that you should laugh with your head back, and your eyes closed, and do so loudly, even when you don’t know what everyone else is laughing at. She will teach you the importance of pressing on. She will show you what it means to intercede late in the night. She has sacrificed sleep for you. Many, many, many hours of sleep, just to know that you are safe. When you move away, you will discover just how important she is. Stop lying to her. Be truthful with her. She knows you are scared, but she knows that what lies ahead is a greater adventure that what you have been through. She will show you that you have to make an investment in other people’s lives, even and especially when you appear to get nothing in return. She’ll remind you in those moments that your reward is in heaven, because God is watching. She will laugh at your spontaneity, and revel in your zeal. She will be both your greatest inspiration, and well as the one you want to keep inspiring. She will listen to you as you tell of the endless list of crushes you’ll have, but all the while, knows that she has been praying for your husband since the first moment she saw you. You will learn soon enough that God made her a redhead for a reason. God Almighty knew how special she was, and that you two would be perfect.

Your father loves you in ways that he doesn’t know how to express. Cut him slack for being human. Love him through the hurt. Stop blaming him for things that are passed now. Stop punishing him for what you think he didn’t do. He has the best of intentions. More than anything, just make him proud. When you feel like you have failed him, talk to him. Don’t shut him out of your life. Look at his life. He’s trying to teach you. His methods may seem unorthodox, but that’s how he does things. He dreamed for you before you were born. Become aware of what those dreams are. You may never be president of the United States, but be the president of your own home, or better yet, your own company. He will hound you incessantly about college only because he wants you to be something when you grow up. He wants you to have a life, and to be somebody. He is proud of the woman you will become, but stop trying to see that through your eyes, and start trying to focus through his. He needs you too. You are his first-born… you are his only daughter. You carry his name, as well as his stubbornness, and zest for knowledge. He read to you as a little girl, and years from now, you will discover that books are not a means of escape, they are a source of growth. Look into his eyes, and see that he is a man who loves you very much, and that he is very proud of you. Your father wants you to find a spouse so that you won't be alone, but also one that will treat you well, and will love you very much. He does pray that you are blessed with a godly spouse, preferable not a preacher. And he probably won't ever understand all your many hair colors.

Your brother will make decisions based on your mistakes in your life, and instead of being upset with him, choose to stop making foolish mistakes. He will become a good man one day. You need his friendship. You may fight a lot now, but one day, he won’t be so close for you to fight with, and frankly, all the fighting will seem foolish. He will need you. He will confide in you. He will say very not nice things to you on occasion, but remember that he is still searching to find who he is. He doesn’t know yet. Stop being such a prude and lighten up.

Your family … this will take all day if I call them one by one. For a while, you will not appreciate them in your life. But you will never understand how much they love you. And how much they need you in their lives. They will impart into you many things, but most importantly, they will impart to you the importance of family. You can pick your friends, but your family, they are a gift. Your Granny passed away before you really got to know her, but you are a lot like her. Your MeMaw won't be around forever; cherish her words and her spunk. Your Papa is full of stories that you need to hear; hang on his every word and celebrate his life. He loves you so much, and will show you what integrity is. You will understand what respect really is through him. Your grandfather is the single wisest man you will ever know. He embodies the proverb of being quick to listen and slow to speak. (And not just because of the hearing aids. He hears quite well, he just loves to rile up your grandmama.) Your Grandmother ... you are a lot like your grandmother. Bobbie Sue will mean more to you than she will ever fully understand. She has the touch that stops the pain, calms the nerves, and can do so without breaking a sweat. (She'll tell you that's because she doesn't sweat.) She will never acknowledge you as being the favorite grandchild (some junk about she loves everyone, blah, blah, blah), but you and God know that the day you burst into her life was like none other. Since then, even she has never been the same. God gave you four aunts, and two uncles. You have your favorites. Your Aunt Sandi chased you around the house with a fly swatter when you were little. You will get your revenge one day. She will have the opportunity to live a part of her life through you. She will encourage you. You are so precious to her. Because of her, you will secretly always love wrestlers and face paint. And be nice to her cat. And your Aunt Rita... you may have taken those car rides to the church, eating cheetos, drinking cokes, and listening to Reba McIntyre for granted, but they will flood your memories often. Through AR, you will learn grace. You already watch her like a hawk. Making fun of her "dead clothes" will be your downfall though. You really should not do that anymore. She will escape the pains of childbirth, but enjoy the beauty of motherhood through you. Remind her as often as you can how much you love her. She will pour into your life deeply and beautifully. And she will need you to pour back into hers too. There are other members of your family, and I can guarantee that at some point, you are going to think that they are the branch of the family tree that needs to be pruned because of dead leaves. I can't say I disagree, but don't be so critical of them. Love them unconditionally, and encourage them. Celebrate in their victories, and mourn with them in their losses, and carry their burdens even when they're too proud to acknowledge them. More than anything pray for your family. Cover them in the blood, and pray for their protection. Remember, You need them.

Your friend Laura, she will be with you life-long. From the beginning of time, God orchestrated that you two would find one another, and would impart something in your hearts that will bind you beyond what you can understand. It’s more than Barbies, and the Monkees, and dancing on the porch. It is the bond that so few find. She will teach you how to love unconditionally. She will need you too, and it’s imperative that you don’t shut down or bail out when the road gets tough. Stand up, and be the friend that you know you are inside. Celebrate with her in every victory of her life. You will see how God heals wounds through her children’s eyes. When life throws lemons, sit with her, and make really good margaritas for Laura. And get yourself a Coke, honey. May you see that her presence in your life was one of the greatest gifts God has ever given you. Never, EVER, take Laura for granted.

You’ve just been to your first Winterfest, and you were blown away. Do you remember the tears that you poured out? Oh Honey, that is just the beginning. You have many tears left to cry. But what you didn’t know then was that Tears are a language that God alone understands. He knows every tear, and every emotion behind every tear. He sees the pain and hurt that you have endured in just these short years. But He will never, ever leave you. You have a LOT of unforgiveness pent up in your little heart. Try to forgive those people as best you can. Keep taking your brokenness to the altar. Do it every chance you get. You will see how good God is. He is sparing you from a lot, because he is saving you for something wonderful. Just a few months, ago, a woman told you to begin praying for your husband. This will be the beginning of the long journey of praying for that man. He won’t come when you expect him to. He won’t be who you want him to be. God has something even better for you. He has a man that will love you more than you can understand right now. You haven’t had your first kiss, or first “real” boyfriend. But you will never forget that first kiss. I can promise you that you will float on air like you see in the movies. It will be the first of many kisses. Boys will come and go. You will pray hard for God to send a variety of guys to fill that special role. He will not. And God is not going to let you get married the day after you graduate from high school. Yes, Even God thinks that is foolish.

Precious child, your life may appear to you to be a hodge-podge of mistakes, but it is more a mish-mash of God’s amazing grace, his never-ending-brand-new-each-day mercy, and forgiveness for every sin. He has carried you when you couldn’t go on. He will continue to do. Stay in the shadow of the Almighty when you need to, but girl, get ready to walk on water. God wants you to join Him in the greatest adventure, in love, in life. He will hold your hand, carry your when necessary, and take glory in everything that you do. You are His child, created in His image, designed with His purpose in mind.

Don’t wait for life to decide to include you… get in there. Don’t live in the fantasy, enjoy and relish the reality. It’s not always good, but the end is…. Just wait and see.

Love Me in 2007,
Jennifer Leigh

@ ? ! & %

I mean no reference to profanity. It is... a lack of words. I feel some strange sense of obligation to this blog. I'm struggling with thoughts about soul transparency, and thoughts of over-exposure. I read one blogger's writings yesterday about how they do not ever talk about their blog. Because it blurs real life. Then I realized how annoying I probably appear that I talk about mine. Then I read a book last night about how EVERYONE is weird, and we all pretend that there is a level of normalcy that we are desperate to achieve.

So... maybe I am weird that I want people to read this blog, maybe I'm even more weird that I want people to comment, maybe I'm the weirdest person you will ever meet because secretly, I want you to start a blog so that I can comment on you too.

So, here are my thoughts:

1) I want you to read this thing.
2) If you disagree, tell me. Then I can get mad because you don't think that I am profound and deep, and thus challenge my perceptions, etc, and I'll blog about it the next time around.
3) I like comments. I like comments anywhere... here, phone calls, text msgs, email, myspace, facebook, in person. I'm an equal opportunity lover of comments.
4) I assume that if you don't comment then: a) you think I'm an idiot, b) you're too busy, or c) you're just lazy
5) I am fully aware that these presumptions are ridiculous, but to think that I would think otherwise is presumptuous that I am always rational; ergo, you don't know me at all.
On to other things... Mr. Phil Stacey is officially a part of the top 12 American Idol contestants. When he cried last night, I cried. I'm so excited for him. I sent out a mass email to people several weeks ago asking them to vote for him! Phil is truly talented, and while he's not done the best, I can't imagine the pressure I would feel standing in front of a few thousand people, and knowing that several Million televisions were on me too. My voice would probably crack a few times too. I would be "pitchy". (I am so tired of hearing Randy say this, that I want to "pitch" him too.) Paula would probably tell me how incredible I look, simply to avoid saying "Honey, can't you do anything else?". Simon no doubt would be critical and tell me that hiding behind my purple contacts doesn't help my singing, and that I'm "awful", "horrendous", or "the worst hotel-lounge act" he's ever seen. And I would cry (because I'm me!), and try to have some witty comeback. ... I've totally veered off topic... Anyway... keep voting for Phil. I'm amazed to see God working through this. He will use anything. Even Simon Cowell to get Glory. God is not respecter of persons.

Thursday, March 8, 2007


"I have held many things in my hand, and I have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God's hands, that I still possess." Martin Luther

Tuesday, March 6, 2007

Thankful Tuesday

Things I am thankful for:

  • grace
  • mercy
  • Love
  • Flavored water so that Lent is easier.
  • Good books
  • hugs
  • photographs
  • being understood
  • My family
  • the spiritual heritage that my grandparents formed
  • My roommate J.
  • my king-size pillow
  • funny cards
  • little notes
  • good hair days
  • the fact that I like my hands
  • bible studies that feed my soul
  • -- without I would not be able to so easily look up every possible translation of a scripture
  • warm afternoons
  • snow in winter!!
  • fitting into the first pair of Jeans I try on
  • my really good job
  • co-workers that I care about and who bless my life
  • God's provision for my husband :)
  • My best friend L.
  • history with people, so that you can pick up a conversation even when you haven't seen them in a while
  • Salvation (I just wanna shout!)
  • Being forgiven
  • good P&W songs (I'm into Rita Springer right now... awesome!)
  • Clinique -- (actually other people should be thankful that I use it!) :)
  • getting to sleep in
  • daylight savings time changing so that it's not SO Dark SO early
  • My big blue bible
  • journals
  • two cell phones -- everybody thought it was excessive, but it is a blessing!
  • The Holy Spirit moving in my life so "loudly" these last six months
  • that God knows what I need, and loves me enough to not let me have what I think I want
  • Babies... good gravy all the babies!
  • being able to travel to NYC and stay for free... :)
  • my entire college experience
  • friends who know me well enough to ask what's wrong and know when I'm not being honest, and pressing on anyway
  • all those faceless bloggers who have encouraged me with their words
  • Good quotes
  • Scripture -- the Word IS Alive -- living and powerful
  • Cute shoes
  • Freedom
  • Hawaii
  • David Caruso -- (y'all didn't think he was going to be left off this list, did you?)
  • green and pink pens
  • The person who invented hair color, specifically, the founder of Clairol. (I am deeply indebted to you.)
  • text messages when I need them.
  • snail mail
  • anything lavendar and vanilla
  • Provision
  • faith -- that I have something to believe in
  • Healing power
  • prayers that pierce and penetrate the Throneroom of God
  • Coca-Cola and Dr. Pepper
  • a desire to be organized
  • new sheets
  • emailed devotions that are EXACTLY what I needed to hear/read TODAY
  • **(updated) Family Feud, and my friend A. who would be my first choice to go on the show.

I think that hits the high points. Today is just one of those things where I want to remember what I'm thankful for, and how blessed I am. You should do the same. Write them down, so that you can read them.

"I said to the Lord, "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing." " Psalm 16:2

Monday, March 5, 2007

National Vocabulary Championship

I am fifteen years too late for this, but I am thrilled to know that it exists.

Actuately descry it at

Grace like Butter in Action

This weekend, was interesting, well, as all my weekends are interesting.

I received a phone call Friday morning that scared me. It shook me up. It rocked my proverbial boat.

I hate being vague, I can tell you that the situation is resolved, and God moved. GOD MOVED! Crazy!!! I got to see Grace like Butter. It's so thick that you can't escape it. It permeated every part of my heart and every part of the situation. God spread Grace like butter in my life.

Last night, I went to a birthday dinner for my friend K. We had such a good time!! :) I'm including a picture from last night, because the ONE guy in the middle, definitely looks like a lucky man, doesn't he?


I have another friend who is struggling with a very serious situation that is out of (their) hands. Listening to them, my heart is broken for lack of faith in believing that other people can stand in the gap and be an intercessor. I am struggling with what to say to this person, because I feel like my words fall on deaf ears. And I'm not sure what to do but pray about it. I have come to realize, hardcore in these last six months, that I have nothing else to stand on but God. I mean, nothing else. Things have been torn out from underneath, and all that is left is God Almighty. He is everything. God is God, sovereign, good, loving, but still God. Sometimes, we go through trails because God is testing our faith. He never tests us beyond the strength that He has given us to endure the journey. And on the flipside, we are able to see that the journey was necessary for growth. Like the simple fact, you can't get to the top of the mountain without climbing it. You must endure the climb, the steepness, the change in air pressure, in order to see the fullness and glory at the top. The journey back down to where you began is no less important. A climber will tell you it can be just as dangerous, because of the euphoria you feel at the top. Life is full of mountain-top moments where we can clearly see Him. But He loves the journey with us, because we are pressing on for a purpose... we are pressing on for a goal.

God is the God of the journey for me. Just ask me. (Okay, you don't really have to ask, because I am notorious for just offering info.) He is The Almighty of the greatest adventure. He is the God of Love. (Do you remember falling in love? It's a journey... ups, downs, valleys, pitfalls, and wonderful euphoric top-of-the-mountain moments.)

He is my Good God of the Journey, and I don't want to know what I would be without Him.

Friday, March 2, 2007

Grace like _______

I've heard that statement a thousand times finished with the word Rain. I've even sung that song.

Today, I was trying to figure out a title that was more appropriate to my situation and all I can come up with is "Grace like butter". That's right butter. Thick, immovable, hard to wash off your hands. It saturates everything it touches. When it's cold, it's kinda sticky and thick. When it's warm, it oozes into any place it can. That's my kinda grace. Grace like good 'ole fashioned butter. Not the whipped kind either. Grace that spreads. Grace that coats. Grace that fills.

This past week, I have been inundated with friends who have called me discouraged. It breaks my heart. I know it grieves the Holy Spirit as well, to watch the children of God in emotional distress. Last night, during prayer requests, I asked for God to give me the right words of encouragement, so I can say to those people exactly what God wants me to say.

All I can say is Grace. I need God's grace, and my friends do too.

But I know this: "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."" 2 Corinthians 12:9

God's grace IS sufficient, and it is more than enough for us.

We just need Grace like Butter.

Thursday, March 1, 2007

Holy Cow it's March!

I can't believe it's March!! That's crazy!

Yesterday, I looked up the cost of one-way airline tickets to Hawaii.

And my heart lept. :)

(Was anyone aware that one-way tickets are $800.00, but round trips are only $1000.00? That seems stupid to me!)

Either way... it's all still very exciting.

My favorite holiday is coming up. I decided to sport the color today for good measure. :) (And can I just say that my new phone takes a better picture than any camera phone I've ever seen?) CRAZINESS!!