So, I’m in a bloggin’-funk, and I don’t know how to start this entry. (There’s a start!)
Last night – we cranked up another study at the FBC: Beth Moore’s Loving Well. And I wanted to ball my eyeballs out. I’m not sure why. We watched the video last night, and I just wanted to cry the entire time.
A few years ago, being the massive crybaby that I am, I asked God to take away the tears, and no kidding, I didn’t cry for almost six months. It was a horrible period in my life. I have cried in these last six months, but I feel like the majority of them have been happy tears. Then last night, Beth mentioned David having to encourage his own soul.
I still wanted to cry, but kinda felt better then. So, to my soul I say, “Why are you so sad???”
My hope and prayer is that this is not over a boy, because frankly, it’s getting old.
And he was at my house again last night. He left a message with a friend of mine that, since he hadn’t seen us in 20 hours, he was having withdrawals. And he sat by me on the couch.
And the series from Beth is about loving well, and how in order to REALLY love people well, you have to love them to the point of exposure – to the point that you know that at some point you are going to get hurt. And my brain REELS.
And on top of that, a job opened up at work two doors down from my office that would almost double my salary. No, you did not misread that; it would increase my salary by 80%. And the Holy Spirit tore me up the other day about praying for Hawaii and putting a time frame on it again. Moreover – telling people my time frame.
1) Cute guy that LOVES JESUS, is in seminary, has integrity, is taller than me, and is not anorexic. (And the church and all my friends said AMEN)
2) Incredible promotion opportunity in my same building, with my same department, with the wonderful people that I love so much
3) Hawaii – tropical paradise
I’m so stinking confused.
So, between Beth Moore, John Ortberg, and Brother Andrew, all three folks are talking to me about being transparent. Exposed. Vulnerable. And I am. Every time I think about this guy – my heart gets EXCITED. When I think about this job, I think about not having to start over in a place and make brand new friends, and getting out of all of my debt - I get EXCITED. And when I think about Hawaii… I mean… it’s Hawaii. I can’t help but think about it - and get EXCITED.
Maybe this post makes no sense.