04.30.2006

It's now 5:00pm. I went to lunch at 1, and got home at 4. We had 40 people in our party and it took forever. Fun stuff though, in that I got to spend time with some new and old friends. Am I really as shy as I think? Anyway...

This weekend:
Friday night I went to hang out with a friend and watch the Daytime Emmy's. Yay for General Hospital.

Saturday, got up and dropped my car off for routine service at Wally World, then went to Chatty to eat at this great little place called the Pickle Barrel. I highly recommend it. I totally love fried pickles and that was the first appetizer on the menu! After that, did some shopping at Hamilton Place Mall, then went and watched Take the Lead. It was a great movie! It's a good first date movie. My first date was Centerstage (the ballet movie), and I loved it! It inspired me enough to make the first move and kiss my date that night! Last night was not quite the same, but it was still fun. Then, we went to Steak-n-Shake for a late night snack. Went back to Wal-Mart to get my car, and they had misplaced my keys and told me to come back in the A.M. I looked at the guy and said "Yeah,.... that's not gonna work!" I was nice about it, but I was definitely frustrated. Then they charged me $21.99 for something that I didn't ask for, and had to call the TLE manager back today to get that straightened out. It was a bit frustrating!!!!

Went to church this morning, and it was an awesome service! Tonight we're having another guest singer and a praise and worship service.

I pulled my hair back, and I kinda look like a skunk. It's very funny!!!

04.27.2006

I've finally gone overboard with my hair.

There are four colors:

Dark Red
Real Red
Papaya (this weird looking gold color)
White.

Yep... I looked at myself in the mirror when the guy took my towel off and could only think one phrase: "What in the world have I done to my hair?".

I don't know if I like it or not.

Nite Peeps.

04.26.2005

Tonight, I gave myself a mini-pedicure/manicure. (Long overdue.) As my hands were dry, I went to find some lotion, and as I grabbed the a lotion I haven't used in over a year, I sort of got flooded with memories. Life and love are messy, and beautiful, painful, and beyond exhilerating, but very real, with surreal moments to give us enough time to pause and enjoy them, as well as store away the memory in the archive of our minds of how wonderful and tangible it all really is. And I got that all from lotion. Wow.















T-H-I-N-G-S

The Best GrandDaddy in the world is getting better every day.
I have a great job.









I get to see my toes at work because there is no Nazi rule about hosiery. Thank God.
I am so sore from yesterday's "Field Day".
My foot is healed! Praise the Lord! Now I must cancel the appt. with the Orthopedist on Monday.
I love good books.
I love insightful authors more.
I get to go to New York!!! YEAH!!!!
I get to see three musicals/plays while I am in New York... YEAH!!!!
I have the coolest brother ever.
My step-brother just needs love.
I have a crush.
I haven't been "drastic" with my hair in three months. That's a big deal for me.
I can't wear my blue contacts anymore. :(
I love band-aids and used to collect different kinds.
I don't collect shot glasses anymore (b/c I don't have a place to store them), but people still buy them for me.
I have over 200 shot glasses from North America, South America, and Europe.
I am trying to change, to be better.
I got asked to go shopping for Prada shoes with a really nice gay guy today. Apparently, he is blind, or he would see I have no style. I am still thankful for the invitation anyway. :)
I still want to tell the crazy tambourine lady, Paula Abdul, to sit down.

Peace.

04.25.2006

Today... was a lot of fun.

I have really been doubting alot of things in my life, but I am assured that I have an incredible job. I have really testified about God's greatness in my getting this job, and I know in the depth of my heart that I couldn't ask for anything more. For four days (starting yesterday), I am in an orientation training. Yes, I have been there for seven months, but this class has been so packed, and now is the earliest time I could take it. Yesterday, was fun. Today... was awesome. We went to Fort Mountain State Park, past Chatsworth, for a team building day. I got sunburned, ran ALOT, and my team won second prize after I successfully failed duplicating a project from my senior physics class. :( But... it was still awesome. I have met a few truly incredible people.

As far as trust goes... I am still learning about trust. Some trust is inherent, but for me, most trust is a very conscious choice. I am good at giving the benefit of the doubt, but relinquishing total responsibility is a whole new adventure. But... I'm trying. I'm reading Brennan Manning's book Ruthless Trust, and it's helping.

"The challenge to actually trust God forced me to deconstruct what I have spent my life constructing, to stop clutching what I was so afraid of losing, to question my personal investment in every word I had ever written or spoken about Jesus Christ and fearlessly to ask myself if I trusted him."

04.22.2005

So... my original post for today discussed how I wanted to blog and had no words. I do now.

I've been thinking alot about change. Here are three truths about me:

1) I have a deep mistrust of people down in my very core. While my personal intuition is often right, I say with great pain that confirmation is never comforting.
2) I fear change. For all the instability in my lifetime, I cling desperately to routine, even the most mundane routine because I have not fully dealt with things.
3) Everything I say is nothing, and nothing is really everything. I often discuss things that have no intrinsic value to me, except for mere conversation. Very few care greatly enough to ask beyond the surface.

I'm still reading the D. Miller book. It's stomped on my toes alot.

How does Jesus really feel about people?
What part of Jesus' ministry wasn't relational?
How do we counterbalance loving people and telling them or not telling them the truth in love?

There are a bazillion more questions, but that's all that I'm typing now.

04.19.2006

Things I discussed today:
1) Two ducks
2) A weedeater
3) A trailer and a camper
4) A goat
5) A man named Jimmy Ray
6) Four kids
7) A defiled bar of soap
8) A tattoo of a trademark

Long story short,... I laughed so hard that I cried all of my make-up off before 11:00.

Have a friend who is trying to set me up with someone, and I don't know how I feel about this. In my heart, I know that I am not ready to expose my heart again... at least not right now. I am terrified to be geniunely vulnerable in front of someone.

Went to the funeral home... and I'm still in disbelief. I am however thankful for that life that Mr. Walker lived and all that he did for others.

"In order to reap a field full of crop, you must sow a field full of seed."

I'm about to finish my book, and really need to focus on the GMAT. No, I still haven't taken it. My head has sort of been in a weird place lately, and I really need to focus!

04.18.2006

If life is a church, then Paula Abdul is that lady in the congregation with a tambourine, playing offbeat during praise and worship. You just want to walk over and yank that thing right out of her hand. I secretly want to make her sit down via ESP everytime I watch her jump up and down during Idol. She drives me crazy. The Tambourine Lady drives me crazy.

Do you ever get the impression that people are avoiding you? Intentionally??? For the record,... you know who you are, and frankly, I am disappointed. I expect that out of some, but you,... really?

Anyway... today was another interesting day at work. Well, my Mom called today to tell me about our joint gas bill (I mean gasoline as in Car gasoline), and the present balance is an astounding $900.00. I think I actually paused breathing just to let that sink in. That hurts... wow that hurts!

They hired a new director for our adjacent department today, and notified the entire company before they notified the actual department. Two point loss for Corporate Tact. !!!

That's really all. Visitation and the funeral for my professor are this week, and fortunately, I will be able to attend. Nothing else exciting is going on...

04.17.2006... again

My heart is very sad as I have to post this...

Last night, my favorite professor at Lee passed away. He had a massive heart attack, and amidst a valiant effort by his wife, Kathy, he went on to be with the Lord.

Please pray for Frank Walker's family as the next few weeks will be very hard.

I will say that tonight, I know Mr. Walker is in heaven worshipping with the Lord. While we are sad, I know that I know that I know, that he is in the best place to be.

I found this out after I returned to work from lunch. He was an awesome man, and anyone who had him would attest to this. I am so thankful for Mr. Walker's compassion and persistence. He helped mold my Lee experience into something that I wanted many others to experience.

04.17.2006

Okay... it's noon, and I'm at the public library in D-Town, and I'm long overdue to type one of these. But that's okay... I've been busy.

This weekend, I wasn't supposed to go home. I made plans to meet my friend Crystal in the ATL, and have fun and drive back home. Didn't quite work out that way though. We finished around 10:00 Friday night, and I was too tired to drive back so I drove to my parents house. Saturday morning, I went and visited my grandparents. Saturday evening, I went and helped my Mom clean her office. I have never seen so many papers in my whole life. We also found a skirt for me for Easter. It's white linen, and I haven't worn anything even remotely like it in ten years, but I like it. Except for the fact that you can see straight through it when the sun hits it even with a slip. Anyway, My mom and I worked in her office until like 1:15am Sunday morning, but we were able to get SO much done!

Sunday, I went to church and then back to my grandparents for family dinner. I got to meet my cousins 24-year old boyfriend. He's nice. K. is 18, and her beau asked permission to date her. I think they'll get married next year if things progress. I drove home last night and didn't do much.

HOWEVER:
The next three months are CRAZY! With the exception of this weekend, I have something going on every weekend into the middle of July. My friend Robert and his pregnant girlfriend Y. come into town in two weeks, a meeting the next weekend, Mother's Day after that, a graduation and wedding the following weekend, New York for Memorial Day (I'm psyched about that too!!!), another wedding after that, company for a week after the wedding, another wedding, another meeting, a concert with a friend in July -- Yes Faith Hill and Tim McGraw, and a wedding after that. I am going to be POOPED!!! I sat down and realized how much all this is going to cost, and think I might have to fast. WOW!

This weekend, I did call a few more people about the $2,000,000. Here's the full story:

Fourteen years ago, God gave my pastor (at the time) a vision for the church, local community, outreach, and missions. It was awesome. I remember parts of it, but I also remember God revealing it to other members of our congregation as confirmation. There were several messages given out during that time too, some individual, some for everyone, that talked about how much God was going to bless our area, our families, and our lives. Four years later, the pastor up and left. The church really was hurt deeply, in part, because we had an awesome pastor, but also because we weren't really sure where this was going to leave the church and the vision.

Fast forward nine years -- and my family left the COG. This was a big deal, and they were really criticized for it. I know in my heart that this was the best decision and God opened the doors for another church for them. Well, about three years ago, my family's current pastor asked what the building fund should be, and my Mom said $1,000,000. (I'm sure a few of you have already read this part too). Well, the Pastor laughed, but the secretary wrote this all down. Over the course of the last three years, the pastor has periodicially mentioned the million in jest. Last Sunday ago, the Pastor called my Mom up and apologized to her for not seeing her faith and that the Lord had already given the vision, BECAUSE, the company that owns The Hilton has offered the church $2,000,000 for their five acres of land. Now, if any of you have been to where I'm from... why is the Hilton coming??? KIA. There is a small piece of land that is making the deal contingent, but I view that as a minute detail.

I'm writing all this to say: God is SO faithful to provide what we need. It is no accident that $2,000,000 suddenly fell into the Valley. It is a divine appointment. I called the old pastor yesterday to tell him about this and to encourage him, and he told me this:

Two years after he left our church, he had a dream. He had returned to the church, and we were building a new sanctuary and were in the process of bricking it. He started grabbing bricks and throwing them at the building screaming, "This was my church, this was my vision!!!" Pastor said that the God quickened him and said "This was NEVER your vision, It was never about you. It was my vision. It was my promise."

So, be encouraged. God is bringing things to pass that I could have never fathomed. I know my husband is in these promises. I can hardly wait!!!

04.11.2006

I'm reading a book and it offers the following scenario: The lifeboat you are in is going down. One person in the boat is going to drown. What determining factor helps you stay in the boat?

The whole purpose of what I'm reading talks about the relationship with God, and how deeply it really was severed in the Garden, and how since then, we are constantly looking for validation from every other person. (I know, Rocket Science, huh?) Anyway, I'm still challenging my own judgmental ways, and what I would say. If God is vested so deeply in my life, then what is my life?

Life is getting interesting these days. "When it rains, it pours". No kidding.

Be blessed...

Get this video and more at MySpace.com

04.09.2006 ... Again

So, I don't think I ever completed a thought from the last post. Friday, I drove home for a reunion meeting and to visit my Granddaddy. Reunion meeting was incredible. Moving away and actually growing up really makes me appreciate these people. I really think 10 years has been better to us than we think. As far as my family, I made my Granddaddy laugh and it made my whole week. He really is the neatest man ever, and I pray my husband is half the man my Granddaddy is, because I will truly be the luckiest woman ever. Also, in making him laugh, we helped him calm down so that he could take medicine to stop the nausea and actually start getting better. For the first time in a week, he slept more than two hours, and is now doing better. He walked down the hall and can walk to the bathroom without many problems. He's on a walker, and that just tears me up, but I know it's temporary and when the rehab is done, he'll be a man with a brand new knee!!!

Saturday morning, I drove back to TN after the tornadoes subsided in the area (there is a story there, but hopefully I will forget that I was aggravated soon) for my friend A.'s shower. There were seven of us, including A. and her fiance. It was not the shower we were hoping for, but it was good to see her. I am so thankful that I have maintained my friendship with her! Saturday night I slept twelve hours. I was just exhausted from running around (or driving around -- 6 hours in two days) like a chicken.

Other random things that happened... got asked out at my doorstep. Totally wasn't expecting that, and it was just weird. Why are weird guys attracted to me????? Spent time with K. and her daughter today. Babysat again, too! Me & Small Fry have so much fun. She's hysterical. Today she just kept saying "Jenfur" (that's what it sounds like) and asking "Why Jenfur?" She squished her finger the last time she was here, and made a point to tell me that I should throw away my chair today. She is a mess, but I love her.

My Mom called me and told me some stuff about her church today, and I have to say that God is awesome! I used to have this little cliche that reference that God had a plan to get the Israelite children from point A to point B, and that because of their disobedience, it took 40 years instead of 3 weeks or so. Let's just say that God outlined a plan for my hometown fourteen years ago, but men got in the way and progress seemed at a standstill. But, God still had a plan, and now $2,000,000 later, it's about to be revealed! It's just so awesome! I cried joyous tears today knowing in the core of my being that God is so faithful and so Good, and He has so many plans that He is just waiting to fulfill. I love it!

Well... it's 11:43pm, and I have to be awake at 6am. Goodnight!!!

04.09.2006

Lots to blog about, and stuff I can't blog about.

I really hate being stiffled, but I can't go back to hurting people on the internet.

This week has been ridiculously crazy! I'm glad it's over, but kinda dread another wild week, you know? Friday morning, I packed a light back to drive home for a reunion meeting and to visit my Granddaddy. I didn't realize the magnitude of the storms that were coming through TN, and had a friend call and ask to park her car underneath my carport. No biggie... right? Wow... I think 12 people were killed just this weekend alone. You can't play God with a tornado. Keep praying for those who lost loved ones.

So Friday night went... EXCEPTIONAL. I was so excited. We were able to make a lot of decisions that really needed to be made without any drama. Thank God.

**UPDATE**

I am going to NYC for Memorial Day!!! YEAH YEAH YEAH!!!!! John Mark helped with the ticket and I am so excited to spend four days in the city!!! I am already nervous about flying, but I will have Friday to chill in the city and maybe check out a matinee show!

04.05.2006

I haven't blogged in a few days. My mind has just been on a thousand other things. My Granddaddy had surgery on his right knee on Monday and it was kinda scary, and it's a little touchy right now. I told my Grandmother today that she couldn't get old. I mean, I don't like her changing the pictures at her house, then she can't get old either. Okay, so I realize this is completely unrealistic and totally preposterous, but my grandparents haven't really aged that much to me. They still are invicible. To hear that my Granddaddy is really sick and loopy from the morphine drip honestly just makes me cry. I love my Granddaddy. He's the Greatest Ever.

So... no more crying tonight! Oh wait... I watched this show called "Born without a face", and while it sounds as horrific as it really was, there was this little girl (2 years old) who was totally perfect except for her face. She can't make much noise when she cries, because the glands and facial structure chromosome are missing, but she made this sniffing noise and tears ran down her face. I sat on my couch and bawled. It's incredible what the doctors have done for her and will continue to do, but it just made me think so much about life, and how much I take for granted. Woo... too deep!

Just when I think I'm at a settled place, something happens in my life to make me think I am not. That last sentence doesn't make much sense, but in all reality, I am not happy where I am right now. I am in a good place, but there is more, and I'm ready for it. What does "MORE" entail? Good question. Ask God.

I'm a little frustrated about having to drive down to GA this weekend only to drive back for a shower I am helping throw on Saturday. But I will get over it soon enough, and forget I was ever frustrated.

Not much else right now...

04.01.2006

Happy April Fools' Day!

So, last night, I think I figured out why I'm not married. I know this sounds totally absurd, but I've never had an epiphany like this, and (behind all skepticism) it makes complete sense. Sometimes, I wonder why I'm not married. What makes me any different from other people? But this is what does it. I am very excited to say the least. Now to changing...

I'm back to reading two books again. I'm reading the Donald Miller book, but also started reading Brennan Manning's Ruthless Trust. Brennan Manning is the same guy that wrote the Ragamuffin Gospel (that I could not get into), but this book is definitely different. Trust really is ruthless to the core. Sin began with the loss of trust. It's awesome when you think about, not awesome that sin began, but awesome to see where we are, at our very core, in desperate need of trust with God and how that transformed Adam and Eve's experience.

Well... I'll add more later!

Hey guess what? Josh Saviano is alive!!!