Friday, June 29, 2007

So I had this Michael W. Smith song in my head...

You know, "Love is, ... like a river, flowing down from, the river of LIFE..." That, and seeing Sunburned's post about her grandparents made me think What is Love?

Love is... being more focused and concerned about another's health than your own. Being there in the smallest, most seemingly insignificant moments.

Then in my idiotic brain...

And then I suddenly thought of the movie "A Night at the Roxbury" with Will Ferrell and Chris Kattan, and have these lyrics running through my head...

"WHAT IS LOVE? Baby, don't hurt me. Don't hurt me. WwoOOoOOaaoohhh."

Sad. Sad. Sad. There are days that I'm just an idiot. (She says while bobbing her head and hips side-to-side.)

Life Verse

Amanda Moore Jones (Yes, Mrs. Beth Moore's daughter) posted a blog about friends and such, but included a Life Verse that I want to share with all my single female friends who are still waiting for their princes to arrive:


"Be merciful to me, O God, for men hotly pursue me." Psalm 56:1a

Because, they do. I'm going to get some t-shirts made. If you want one, then comment me your size!!!

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Thursday Thirteen #9

I haven't done one of these in forever, because I usually don't remember them until Friday, and you know that just undermines the title of "Thursday".

Without further ado -- the TT I'm Thankful for:

1) Getting to see my FBC women very soon!!! July 12th cannot come soon enough!
2) All my friends named Holly. They don't get the credit they deserve.
3) Jenn, my urban children's pastor friend who I think is mad cool.
4) Royce and her love for all things Mr. Potato Head-esque
5) Living vicariously through my brother. He ate lunch at the South Street SeaPort today because he's working on Wall Street. He acts like it's no big deal. :)
6) Mountain Dew. I'm going to miss it when I get REALLY serious about running.
7) Being able to wear hoop earrings last week. (It won't be happening again for a while, but it was nice while it lasted!)
8) Bloggers. I have laughed and cried this week reading the works of nameless Internets. I am so blessed!
9) My new, FREE Franklin Cover Day planner. I am so psyched!
10) My family. I love 'em ya'll. I got to spend last Thursday night with my Mom and my brother, and we all sleep good when we're in the same house. It's just special.
11) Job prospects!
12) Reruns of The Biggest Loser on the Style Network. It's motivating me more than I can say!!!
13) Last, but certainly not least, and a mainstay on my list, God's grace and mercy.

I'm tagging Holly B. B., Holly W. B., Royce, Jenn, and Miranda.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007


Uhmm... who would have thought that after my post I would have get hater-emails? Not me! Let me clarify a few points that were brought up in emails:

1) I don't care what denom you are. I'm not trying to proselytze. My Baptist women rocked my world, and if we could all be like them, the world would be a better place.
2) Some of my friends in ministry took this very personal. I'm just asking you not to. I'm not attacking you.
3) If you think I am, THEN CALL ME OUT. I don't want confrontation, but I'm not going to run from it, especially since I posted on the Internet. Again, this was not to attack or provoke anybody.
4) And I think Non-denominational really is it's own denomination. And yes, that's a blog for another day. Makes me think of Pee Wee Herman's phrase "I know you are but what am I?!"

I am so blessed, and have been blessed, by having friends in ministry, literally EVERY type of ministry from babies to senior citizens, addicts, to the homeless, urban to very citi-fied, small time church, to rockin' 25,000 folks. Everyone has such different personalities to bring to their jobs, and God has equipped them all, each of us, with incredible talents and gifts. And yet, we are all called to ultimately do The Same Thing. Fulfill the Great Commission. To just tell people about Jesus. And we do it in everyway, living it, preaching it, singing it, with puppets, with music, with dramas, a few mimes, sign-language on occassion, school buses, waterguns, in the military, and the drainage ditches in Cleveland.

And you will never receive the appreciations, pats on the back, accollades, rewards that you deserve, here on this earth.

But, in heaven, you will receive the greatest reward! Eternal life! Time with Jesus! Hopefully a really cool room in the mansions of Heaven besides Moi! (I know you were going for that last one too, huh?) You will receive a crown!

And like Rita Springer says: "It's gonna be worth. It's gonna be worth it. It's gonna be Worth It All."

Funny cartoon...


The Cartoons are from Naked Pastor. (Some of his cartoons are offensive to me. Proceed at your own risk.)

I have been relatively silent in my little bloggy world. It is not that I am without things to say, thoughts to share, insights to provide, or frustrations to vent. It is that I have been holding it all in. Last night, I talked to a friend of mine on the phone for nearly forty minutes. I see this person regularly. I saw this person yesterday, and yet, I had not shared with them virtually anything going on with me. Almost all conversation as of late has been completely topical. I have been devoid of having emotional conversation. It sucks. But my propensity for reading on the internet has increased. I have been reading lots of blogs. I’ve become voracious in viewing comments, and then reading the blogs or works of the commenters. I have a few blogs I read many times throughout the day. And there’s been a vaguely centralized theme with a few of them, which I’ve chosen not to address.

‘Cause I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or ruffle any feathers, y’all.

But browsing a blog today, I just decided that this particular feeling needs to be repressed long enough for me to write a blog. Thus today’s insightful piece into theology, church dynamics, and the like.

I started to write where I am emotionally, but then decided against that. Instead, let me provide a bullet list of facts about me.

1) I love Jesus.
2) I am a pastor’s kid. Still.
3) My father was a COG pastor, and is now Methodist.
4) I do not even pretend to understand or rationalize that move.
5) I’ve been burned by church folks.
6) A LOT.
7) I refuse to allow it to be my excuse.
8) I like to consider myself an advocate on winning people back into the “fold”.

That’s just the highlights, you know? And that last one, albeit true, was also to provide some humor and temporarily lighten the mood.

Church, religion, Christianity, Faith. None of that is easy. Face it. But when the alternative is allowing bitterness and sin to eat us and let us burn in Hell, I think that the struggle becomes lightened.

Do you want to go to Hell? Is it worth allowing a person/persons/building/denomination to drive you from enjoying eternity? If that’s the case, then the next time you don’t get every French fry you think should come in your size Medium fry box, then please discontinue service with McDonald’s. And on, and on, until you no longer eat French fries, or potatoes. Yes, to me, it’s that simplistic.

I don’t have the answers as to why things seem so much easier for some than they do for others. I have to believe that part of the reason my “plight in life” seems difficult is because (brace yourselves) I MAKE IT DIFFICULT. I’m mouthy, and backtalk, and say what I feel. When I’m frustrated, or really ANY other emotion, it’s clearly displayed on my face like a Trinitron at a basketball game. I’m quick to react, slow to let God handle the problems, and then whiny in the interim.

Most days, I am my own worst enemy.

And with that said, and having been burned by more church people that express, I still refuse to let that be the thing that separates me from enjoying the full life that God promised. Also, I made a very conscious choice to not let that be what distinguishes a life of my choices verses a life of integrity. I do not always embody integrity. Hello, I’m MOUTHY. But I’m trying, and I’ll be the first person to tell you I’m flawed. (I can’t wait for the day when I no longer say that, and it’s coming soon, so documents these moments now while they occur!)

Let me clarify and say that I do not believe that one particular denomination is superior. But I know that you have to believe and stand for something. I get BEYOND aggravated at people who seem so gung-ho about ministry and when things get the slightest bit rough, or when others don’t agree and follow their lead, they bow out. And not gracefully either. Sulking. Pouting. Angry at a denomination. Angry at a pastor. ‘Cause suddenly they realized he’s HUMAN? Come on!

I’ve had three men in ministry burn me bad. 1) My Dad. 2) The first man I ever loved. And 3) the second man I ever loved.

Turns out that I picked 2 and 3 because they reminded me of Number 1.

But that’s not God’s fault, you know? I have several friends who walk in an out of ministry, and the common denominator, much to their shagrin, is THEM. Not the church, or denom, or city, or hair color. It’s THEM. (Kinda like I have seven crappy roommates… but I was the common factor! It makes ME the crappy roommate!)

I’ve had church people talk trash about me, and my family. I’ve had more than one person attempt to destroy my family. We even had a physical confrontation with a pastor. But it doesn’t matter.

God is not the least bit phased by my drama. It doesn’t change Who God is. Or What God stands for. It doesn’t change one single scripture.

It’s time for us to change.


I'm working on a doozy of a post.

Brace yourselves.

Monday, June 25, 2007

I am excited...

that another Post Secret book is coming out!!!! I went and met Frank in Atlanta earlier this year, and was just mesmerized. Plus, I sent in secrets that never got published and want them to be in the book.

I own all three books, and although I haven't pre-ordered this book, I am SERIOUSLY contemplating it.

'Cause apparently I'm prideful...

I had my handwriting analyzed (accident not intentional), and per the analyst, I am prideful. I appreciate y'all not posting comments to "ditto" that observation.

And with that said, I am posting a picture from Friday night. My friend J. had a birthday, and a group of us went to Famous Dave's, and then to Sir Goony's. What's important is that...

I'm wearing hoop earrings.

Yes, that's right,... I am moving up to big girl earrings. And, I'll admit that I'm kinda prideful about that.

Monday, June 18, 2007

... forgot to tell ya'...

I did turn down the job in C-town. I ended up calling the original recruiter, and the position has been filled twice since I interviewed last year.

If two people quit/transferred/left within a ten month time frame, things can't be a peachy as this company wants me to believe.

Plus, there is no dollar amount that can buy peace of mind. Or sanity.

Cliche and Book Sales

There is a expression that goes as follows: "Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach."

Translation for me: "Those who can have successful relationships, do. Those who can't, teach others from their mistakes."

Who knew? This weekend has been surprising in my availability to offer relationship advice. I mean, since my personal relationships suck, I can offer folks the wisdom from my mistakes.

**I never wanted to be this girl when I grew up. **

**I still don't.**

But, I am obliged to offer when asked. I am learning to not offer when not asked, simply because it saves time and embarassment. However, if you ask, I am always happy to share with you the wisdom of my mistakes and/or foolishness.

Today include a 40 minute convo with a friend for me to AGAIN illustrate a previous convo about just relaxing and letting things happen "Naturally". Because love does not HAVE to be difficult, or orchestrated. It's just love. It takes work to maintain, but getting to that point doesn' t (and I believe shouldn't) be ridiculously complicated.

So, when I publish my own how-to book, with mistakes and folly for example, I expect you all to buy a copy. And since I won't be limited to just discuss finding the mate of your dreams, I'll include wisdom on raising kids, nurturing and safeguarding your marriage, balancing your finances, planning for retirement, and how to make your friends and family laugh by sharing a random vortex of worthless knowledge. Then regardless of your circumstance in life, I will have some example applicable to your present situation.

It will totally be a NYTimes Best Seller and you will TOTALLY want my autograph.

Friday, June 15, 2007

With hesitation...

"I try to avoid looking forward or back, and try to keep looking upward." Charlotte Bronte

I feel detached. I feel like I'm going backwards. I have NOT had a good week. AT ALL. I took down two posts this week alone. I do not like doing so, but I believe it's necessary.

Everyday this week, my devos have been that life is not all about me. Yes, I know that, but I have needed these especially, and have just been too wrapped up in me to stop and blog about them. Hence the real reasons for taking down my posts. This week, I was trying to be sympathetic and encourage a friend, and got blasted for it. I am disappointed in a co-worker, and in sharing the situation with friends and some family, everyone thinks I'm foolish. No, they just think I'm too emotionally attached and that I need to detach. I'm frustrated with personal space, and others seem to think it's theirs.

And then I read a blogpost by a pastor in Florida, watching his six month old learn to crawl. His child gets in position, and in his excitement and effort, winds up going backwards. The pastor goes on to describe this as a metaphor for life. Amidst getting tickled at watching his child, the pastor could see the frustration in his little boys eyes, and realized that we, as children of the Almighty have moments where we get geared up to press ahead, and wind up going back. We get frustrated with ourselves, our situation, and with God.

There is no metaphor or cliche that makes the pain or frustration go away. Spiritual maturity (and thus the acknowledgement of spiritual immaturity) reminds us that the pain is necessary. Going backwards is a necessity to moving forward.

This was the scripture in my devo on Tuesday:

"Then we turned and set out for the wilderness by the way to the Red Sea, as the LORD spoke to me, and circled Mount Seir for many days. And the LORD spoke to me, saying, 'You have circled this mountain long enough. Now turn north'..." "For the LORD your God has blessed you in all that you have done; He has known your wanderings through this great wilderness These forty years the LORD your God has been with you; you have not lacked a thing." Deut 2:1-3, 7.

I cannot count the number of times I have use the illustration of the Israelite children wondering in the desert to describe a circumstance and situation for others. And yet, I'm one too. Just too wrapped up in me and my stuff to see the big picture... that I've been revisiting the same places over and over again.

But I love that my heavenly Father sees my frustrations and disappointments, and hurt, and emotions that He created inside of me, and realizes that my backward steps are a precursor to something wonderful.

And today,... I stop circling the mountain, and I'm going north.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

We will miss you Mr. Wizard

I'm so sad. Don Herbert a.k.a Mr. Wizard passed away. You can read one of the articles here. I LOVED to watch the show.

Saturday, June 9, 2007


The other night, my roommate and I were watching "So You Think You Can Dance". (I am a dancer at heart, so I totally love this show!) One of the contestants this year is the younger sister of last year's winner. When they told her that she had been chosen, she screamed, "SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!" We laughed hysterically, and I have thus decided to use the phrase in normal conversation.

Don't be misguided to exclude access to the postern if you hear me saying this.

With that said... a REALLY long time ago, I interviewed with a company in SouthEast Atlanta. I had the wrong motive, completely wrong intentions, and thought I was giving God an opportunity. He didn't take it. But I got a phone call the other day. I chose not to return it, simply because I didn't realize who it was from. And then the mail came today. And I got an offer letter from this company in an unnamed city in southeast Atlanta that I have no intentions of ever traveling to deliberately for 3 times my current salary. I'm going to break this down to more specific terms. I make X dollars. They are offering me 3 x X dollars to work for their company in this town that I never planned to ever visit again, literally a mile away from people I never want to see again.

Just so you know, it's an Assistant Controller position in a manufacturing company. They wanted an accountant with a four year degree in Accounting. They wanted a candidate with five years experience (total) and three years in manufacturing. (Guess who's got those specific qualifications?)

And guess who 'bout swallowed her teeth today? That would be Moi.

Y'all... TRIPLE my salary is a BIG DEAL. A HUGE FREAKIN' DEAL. And the job is only an hour and twenty minutes from my Mama. (And y'all know how cool Shirl is!) And it puts me closer to friends that I don't get to see often. And I would be able to pay off my student loan debt in ONE YEAR. Say it with me -- $30,000 PAID OFF IN ONE YEAR. Not over the course of the next seven: ONE. UNO. SINGLE. SINGULAR.

But, there's those pesky people I don't ever want to see ever again who, if I take this job, I might run into at Wal-mart, or any restaurant in town, or at the gas station. And thus I am at a crossroad.

So Y'all pray... K?

Thursday, June 7, 2007

Just thought I'd share...

I've been a slacker on reading books lately. You know how people starting emailing and failed to make time to write snail mail? I've done that with reading. I read everything I can possibly find to fill my brain with totally random information from the internet, but am not taking time to read books lately.

And, as I eluded in my last post, it seems like everyone I know is in kind of a funk. There are lots of things to be praying about:

1) My friend R... who's heart is broken, and breaks my heart.
2) My friend J... who is battling things on her job that would cause most of us to run for the hills
3) My friend D... who is still dealing with the loss of her mother
4) Me... 'cause you know I've always got drama that makes me anxious
5) My friend K... who has been looking for a job for a year (who is kinda of getting a breakthrough, PTL!)

So... you can see that there are alot of folks who are just not having a good day, or week, or June for that matter. With that said, I thought I would suggest some online reading to make you feel better. (**I do not know these people personally and you may find some things they say to be offensive. Please let this serve as your warning.) : This is the blog of a Medical student who just finished her round in delivery. While some of her stories are sad, including a 13 year old giving birth, others are absolutely hysterical. And it totally makes me want to go to med school. : This is a Dad who blogs. While reading the story of taking his little boy to the bathroom, I was crying I was laughing so hard. : Because just when you think you're day has been bad, remember that 1) You aren't confined to a wheelchair, 2) Your wheelchair didn't get caught in the grill of an 18-wheeler, and 3) Your wheelchair didn't get pushed for 4 miles without the driver knowing you were "hooked". So, really,... you're day's probably not been that wild.

Much love...

... I mean...

is everybody falling apart? 'Cause that seems to be the general concensus. Wowsa.

"Suffering is god's metaphor. He cheers in our joy and whispers in our ears through the pain".

"Contentment consists not in adding more fuel, but in taking away some fire." Thomas Fuller

"There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full." Henry A. Kissinger

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Blog down

I took my blog down for the first time ever this morning. I needed to clean up some stuff. Seems to be a metaphor for life, dontcha know? I actually, for the first time in a REALLY long time, removed an entry. I obviously didn't delete it, but raving like a lunatic is getting old.

Last night, I worked late, got home late, and had completely forgot about the bible study at my house. When I got home, there were people having dinner. I was on the phone, and literally did not speak to or look at anyone, and I didn't come out of my room for an hour. I was actually deep in conversation, but also I just wasn't up to putting on a happy face to deal with folks. I left bible study early, and then wound up hanging out with a good guy friend of mine. And as I was pouring my filtered frustrations to him he said:

"Stop getting offended at everything, Jenn. We lost the right to get offended when Jesus died for us on the cross."

I know he's right. I don't necessarily think I get offended at everything, but I do get aggravated at alot of stuff, and it probably comes across as being offended. I totally get my feelings hurt alot. But I don't think I look at it as offense. I kind of look at it as people being inconsiderate and rude, hence my aggravation. But the flip side is: I disappoint people all the time, by being inconsiderate, and therefore lose the right to feel that way, or at least that's how my little brain processes things. And, in the aftermath of me looking foolish and talking out of my frustration, my good friend did the nicest thing.

He gave me a hug.

Not a dirty hug, or inappropriate hug, but just a good, tight hug. He recognized that I just needed a hug. And it blessed my little heart. Coming from such a huggy family, and a huggy home church, and even a pretty huggy college, I have discovered that in adulthood, hugs are in short supply. (That's one of the reasons that I pray for a husband so intensely too.) I am thankful that my friend took the time to recognize that I don't always need words and advice. I need physical affirmation that I'm gonna be okay.

Go hug somebody.

new words...

I found a blog the other day that had a new word of the day from I'm trying to figure out how to link it. I would also love a math problem of the day on the sidebar, but we'll see how that goes...

For your vocabulary pleasure:

inbue: to permeate or influence as by dyeing. Ex: As Christians, we are called to imbue the love of Christ in everyone we meet, not through malifluous words and resounding speech, but through simple actions.

indomitable: incapable of being subdued. Ex: Jennifer's indomitable spirit makes us all want to get involved with inner city ministries.

I encourage you to use them in a sentence today. 'Cause I will be doing so.

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

I told y'all God keeps me humble.

Would you know that right after I post that last entry, I get my daily devo and it's about ANGER MANAGEMENT??

"Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give an account." Hebrews 4:13

Monday, June 4, 2007


A friend (who I will allow to remain nameless) emailed me this morning to blog something other than quotes. I love you. Thanks.

This week is the ten-year anniversary of something very special to me. Honestly, I can't remember if tomorrow or Wednesday is the EXACT anniversary, but today marks the ten year (in time) anniversary.

Ten years ago today, I went to youth camp in Alabama.

(I know... you're thinking... "WHAT?")

This anniversary is not one that gets a card or a greeting from a friend, because the only friend who celebrated (as it were) this moment with me was God Almighty.

Ten years ago today, I had an encounter with the Living God that changed my life in ways that I cannot begin to express. I can tell you that I was eighteen. I can't remember why I decided to donate five weeks of my time to camp, but I did. The first week, I was a camper. My counselor's name was Kytha (Kathy with the syllables reversed). I don't remember where she was from, although I do remember two totally random things: 1) she had two kids, a daughter and son, and her son Jeremy wound up dating a girl from my church, and 2) she had no bladder control and peed in her pants constantly. (I can't remember why she told us all that,... probably to save embarassment I guess.) Anywho. It was the first time I'd been to camp in seven or eight years, and I was terrified. Another girl from church went with me, but Amanda was definitely her own person, so I got left behind ALOT. Believe it or not, I was excrutiatingly shy. Going to camp was so far out of my comfort zone it wasn't funny. But, I'd planned to just be a camper that week, and then work the next four weeks as a counselor. But this is not the point.

That first night is one of the more clear memories of my 28 year old life. I can remember what I wore that night, what we sung that night, and what it all smelled like. But most importantly, I remember what the Holy Spirit spoke into my heart that night. This was the first time I ever heard the chorus "I will never be the same again", and I don't find its' poignancy irrelevant or coincidental.

The girl who knelt on that altar that night and bawled her eyeballs out, even blowing her nose in her skirt, got up a changed woman. The effects of that encounter were not immediate. They took a long time to come to fruition. The promises that she heard and felt in her heart and in her spirit have not all come to pass, but that's God's timing, not hers. So much has changed in ten years, my theology, my identity, my passions, changed that night. The Crux of who I am changed instantaneously that night.

I kept that skirt for posterity for a long time, because it symbolized my night of volatile transformation and I was afraid I would forget it. But, I can't, and won't, and usually celebrate this anniversary every year.

You know, the Jewish people would make a feast out of this. Maybe I should have a "Feast of Transformation". I'll probably just have some stroganoff tonight though. Maybe some cake.

This also marks the first time I ever met Eric Freeman. (Only Alabama COG and Lee people know him.) OH, how I prayed and interceded for that man to be my husband. Oh, how foolish I was! (BTW, he's a Minister of Music and Singles ministries at a big church in South Georgia now. And he's still not married. :D ) This was the first time I ever met Jenn, although I was too scared to talk to her for a year (until Holly came), because I thought she was too cool. (Yes, Jenn, I thought you were too cool to talk to me. Turns out I was just dorky and shy.) I met alot of wonderful people during my duration at youth camp, many of whom I keep in contact with today. I learned how to "fake" speak in tongues. No, I don't EVER do that. I learned the importance of allowing people to see you for who you are, knowing that whether or not they accept you or reciprocate your feelings doesn't change your identity.

I learned more than I can ever say. I left that camp that summer changed. It took me two years to finally get to Lee after that, but I did, and well, ... here I am.

So, Happy Anniversary to me.

"But now, for a brief moment, the Lord our God has been gracious in leaving us a remnant and giving us a firm place in his sanctuary and so our God gives light to our eyes and a little relief in our bondage. Though we were slaves, our God has not deserted us in our bondage. He has shown us kindness..." Ezra 9:8-10a

Friday, June 1, 2007

The first day of June

"God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” C.S. Lewis

"God, who foresaw your tribulation, has specially armed you to go through it, not without pain but without stain." C.S. Lewis

“If Jesus gives us a task or assigns us to a difficult season, every ounce of our experience is meant for our instruction and completion if only we'll let Him finish the work. I fear, however, that we are so attention-deficit that we settle for bearable when beauty is just around the corner." Beth Moore”

“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.” (Can I get an AMEN??!?)