will the circle be unbroken?

Oh lawdy-mercy, there is so much happening with me these days!!!  Unfortunately, none of that translates to (me) making it upstairs in my hizzy to blog.  Sadness!!  Please accept my apologies for these random points I desperately need me make!

1) I'm just now getting around to responding to your comments from the 5K.  Talk about feelin' the love.  I am overwhelmed!!  It's still weird to me that I ran the whole thing, and even weirder that my body is revolting.  I have gained 6 pounds in a week and a half.  BOO.  Regardless, I am scheduled to run another 5K this Saturday and next Saturday. I am keeping this up!!

2) If you've not been following the arrogance of the blogger from Marie Claire, here are a few links:  Here and  here.  This is SO OFFENSIVE that I don't even know what to say.  I'm boycotting Marie Claire, and I'm asking you, whether you're a Double Zero or a 52, to do the same. 

As an aside, if you think fat girls are disgusting here are a few suggestions 1) stop reading my blog or 2) email me your address and a few of my fat friends and I will be happy to have a "come to Jesus meeting" with you in a parking lot.  That's just how I feel.  Jen Lancaster's response was respectable, in case you'd like to read it here.   I don't care how big (or small) your behind is -- that should not be the litmus test to judge people by, anymore than skin color, race, religion, or height.

3) For Halloween, my friends and I have a costume party.  We have for the last four years now.   This year, I was beyond psyched to dress up as Sue Sylvester.  Sadly, I cannot find a plain red track suit in my size in Eastern Tennessee or North Georgia.  Either there are going to be a LOT of Sue's, or the track suit manufacturers (I'm talking to you Adidas!!) missed their chance to really boost sales.   Buncha 'tards.  I have decided (thanks to my Mom) on another equally recognizable costume.  I will post pictures after the party so as not to give away my superfun costume.  Also, this year's costume does not involve facial hair, thank the Lord.

4) On Monday (my last day searching for a costume), I got really frustrated.  I couldn't even find a red jogging suit to modify for a costume, so I decided to try on boots.  My calves are too big.  (P.S. I really like my legs... always have, and this hasn't been a problem in years!!)  I was discouraged, so I decided to drown my sorrows and do something I've never done.  I bought myself a real piece of jewelry.

I walked into a store, and saw something I immediately liked.  It's part of the Everlon collection (although I cannot find it online).  I had a ring that I bought at American Eagle ten years ago.  It was a simple silver band that I adored.  I paid $6 for it.  I wore it all the time.  Shortly after I started training this summer, my ring disappeared and my finger has been lonely!  Out of disappointment for the boots not fitting, no costume in sight, and the loss of my favorite ring, I splurged. 

And I love the symbolism. 

My single heart has been very heavy the last few weeks.  I am blessed (I'll be the first to tell you that), but my biological clock is starting to tick louder, and my heart has ached.  It's frustrating and I've been thinking about some heavy decisions for my life.  I know that God is woven so intricately into my life that not trusting Him is not an option for me.  Doubting him (or not fully remembering his promises) however, is a part of my own frail humanity.  I get sad.  I get disappointed.  I wish.  You know? 

But this ring, this everloop with the Lord, is my reminder that He is in control of my life.  He sees the desires of my heart, and while I can come up with 1001 ways to "help" Him, I know (down deep) that he doesn't need my help.  He needs my doubt to vanish, and my questions to quiet. 

and so I hold on to that.

5)  A few months ago (during my "I shall read everything I can get my hands on" phase), Mimi asked me to be a contributor to a book blog.  For reasons that have nothing to do with her (or anyone else) that incident somehow turned into my reading Kryptonite and I've been unable to pick up a book... that is, until this weekend. (I'm so sorry Mimi!!  Y'all make a point to stop by the book review blog!!)

Getting ready to fly home, I grabbed Hoda Kotb's book -- Hoda -- at the LaGuardia airport.  I never watch the fourth hour of the Today show, and really couldn't tell you anything about Hoda until now, but I. COULDN'T. PUT. THIS. BOOK. DOWN.  I absolutely loved it!  And it was a challenge to women too.

I leave you with something from her book:

"Don't hog your journey.  It's not just for you.  Think of how many people you could have helped on the plane ride home.  You can take your business, shove it deep in your pockets, and take it to your grave.  Or you could help someone.  It's your choice."

Why I blog (although not on such a consistent basis anymore) is because I want my journey to matter.  It matters to me, I think it matters to God, and I want to it matter to someone else.  I need that random affirmation that I matter.  My guess is that you do too.  So don't hog your journey.  Keep sharing your lives with people around -- the good, the not so good, the heartbreaking, and the hilarious -- because you never know when somebody will need it.  Sometimes even you.

xoxo,
Jenn

completion.

If I even knew where to start all this, I would be so much better!!

The last three months have been so revealing for me.  To many of you, I have been unnecessarily (and some even perceived as disrespectfully) silent.  Totally not my intention.  I've just been focused.

I've had to learn a lot about me.  Acknowledging that I can have a defeated attitude when I want to.  There's a spiritual parallel here, but for time's sake (and the fact that I am EXHAUSTED), I'm going to skip that tonight.

But here's the Real Deal:  Today, this lovely sixteenth day of October, I ran a 5k.  Mind you, snails passed me, but I stayed in motion the entire time.  I ran with another lady from my church, who'd had gall bladder surgery in September no less.  In my mind, she was my fellow miner.  She was someone that I wasn't going to leave.  Running alone is not something I really love, it's something I find myself having to do and know that I need too, but still, not something I enjoy.  I knew this morning, from the get-go, without having to be told, that I needed to stay with her, and that she would stay with me.  It was so weird and awesome at the same time.

When we got to the last .10 of a mile, she broke down bawling.  (And for reasons I don't want to uncover, I did not.  SHOCKER!)

Here's what else I know: I am not a pushover.  I am not less than.  I deserve God's best for me, and regardless of what I do to screw things up at times, I know God is faithful.  He ran right alongside me this morning.  He is my comfort and present help.  His grace will sustain me, and his mercy engages me.  His love is everlasting and his promises are good!

I ran this race, and I can run a lot of others.  That doesn't mean I can quit training; it doesn't mean I'll place first or last.  It means I CAN run them.  It means I CAN finish.

and I will.

xoxo,

me.

hello darlin'. it's been a long time.

Yes, yes I believe it has been.

Quite long in fact.  OOps!

I had nary an intention to go so long without an update.  I am quite alive, in modest health, and very blessed!

I've had an eventful few weeks.  I somehow got injured (both knees and my right hip), and it took time for that to heal.  Work has been really busy, and that's a good thing.

I had some car trouble this weekend, but I never cease to be amazed at God's goodness.  On. Time. ALL. the. Time.

I've also booked a trip to New York City for the weekend after my race.  I'm deeming that as  a treat to myself.

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I can't help but wonder if I'm going to forget how to blog, having been so long and all.  I'm sure that sounds silly, but you know the adage of loosing the skills you don't use? Well, that's how I feel.

Very soon, I'm going to take time and blog about 2010, and the paradox of tumultousness and calmness that this year has exhibited. 

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Randoms:

• my office chair makes my hiney go numb.  It's so weird.
• I think the Lord is dealing with me about taking a week off from television.  I feel like I've been fighting the Lord about this and I'm not sure why.
• I found tonight's Glee, (and last night's Mike & Molly) rather offensive.  I'm contemplating whether or not I'll keep watching them.
• I'm not into The Biggest Loser this year.  Not sure why.
• I have not had to deal with ragweed thanks to my shots.  Hallelujah.
• I think my clothes are multiplying.
• We have a "crazy" at work.  I'm not poking fun at mental illness... I don't what's wrong with this woman, but I worry about my tires every afternoon.  When she loses it finally, things will get ugly.
• I'm as disconnected to my real life friends as I am my online ones.  That was weird to write, but so true.
• My grandmother signed me up for a subscriptions to Guide Posts.
• In other news, my AARP subscription starts the same day.  ha!

Love y'all... mean it!

xoxo,

me.