Friday, September 28, 2007
Last night was the official last night of our bible study with Priscilla Schirer. I have thoroughly enjoyed doing this study. I've had to miss two weeks, which distresses me a little since it was only a six week study, but the four I've gotten -- GOOD WORDS, y'all. Last night, we wound up having an extended prayer requests time that, as our faithful facilitator said, we needed. And then after that, and after going over homework (which was great too), we jumped head first into the DVD. And something Priscilla mentioned just tore me up. She talked about putting God in a box, and while I admit that all I really caught was the mention, right there, in the middle of the youth room, God got me about something.
How many Potential Husbands have I put before God in boxes, and then gotten frustrated when God didn't answer?
I actually teared up but I don't think anyone saw me. And then she talked about pride. That's right... stomped right on the already bruised toes. Right there in the middle of the Baptist Church.
Y'all know that gets us pentacostals, dontcha?!?!?
I actually wrote down a lot of things last night, including her actual topic and her scripture reference of II Kings 5, talking about Namaan, his leprosy, his pride and arrogance that the Prophet didn't come in the pomp and circumstance that he expected, and the blessing/healing that he almost missed out on. Namaan thought. I can't name the times that my downfall has been my thinking. We've got to do. I've got to do. Go!
And then on the ride home, I got busted about some more stuff that, right now, is too personal to share. But,... it was good too. None of us like disciple, including me, but I love that God's discipline, although difficult to take at times, comes with rewards that exceed what we can get. I need God to disciple, shape, mold, re-shape, break, re-mold, and constantly correct what my humanity is trying to fight. We all do.
And really, as I write this, I know in my heart that I had so much more to share, but because I don't have a little stenographer at my whimsy, y'all are stuck with that I can remember.
Last but not least, I broke out my Aaron Jeffreys CD and "He Is" and shouted all the way home. Good stuff.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
But, it's time for one of those ridiculously, deeply personal blogs. Stuff that weighs on my mind, you know? I appreciate your comments, and feedback, and am even going to open comments without moderation, because this subject is that deep for me.
My friend Royce posted a few days ago about sexual frustration, as a Christian woman. Her post was brilliant and funny and candid. And, even though I now realize that I have failed to comment, her thoughts stand true for me too.
Tonight, I had the privilege to really "get to know" another friend of mine and hear their struggles and who they really think they are. It was revealing because I had mistakenly made assumptions about this person.
(See Sunburned, when I assume, I do make an ass out of me!) :D
But, ... back to the topic at hand. I know I've already had one bullet post today, but another can't hurt, you know?
So, for your reading pleasure, my thoughts.
- Sometimes, it's frustrating to be a Christian woman.
- I am still a virgin.
- That's something that NOW I am incredibly proud of.
- Ten years ago, I would have handed it out to the first taker.
- God Grace is Sufficient, YO.
- I have never been drunk a day in my life.
- I've never even been close.
- I am not ashamed of that.
- I've never smoked.
- I've never done drugs.
- When I come in close proximity to drugs... it freaks me out.
- Literally, I get paranoid, and I am NOT on drugs.
- I don't like being around alcohol.
- I had a drink with a few girlfriends a few months ago and it made me feel AWFUL.
- (Like I'm that girl that always gives in to peer pressure.)
- It makes people stupid.
- My roommate is Italian, and my house is full of wine.
- Wine is NASTY to me.
- I mean, if you have to have a flavor wheel that includes Dirt, Mold, and Mud, that should be a clue, really.
- To say I am sexually frustrated at this point is a gross understatement.
- But, I am not consumed with those thoughts.
- Thank God!
- However, this is the driving force behind my desire to get married at least a few days before my actual wedding.
- That will be a glorious day, y'all.
- I just don't want to pay thousands of dollars for a honeymoon to stare at a ceiling.
- Yes, I just typed that.
- I don't understand people who can cheat.
- I don't understand how or why people would want to be in more than one relationship at a time.
- I lose my keys in the bottom of my purse,... can you imagine what I would do if I had to bounce between more than one man?
- Lately, I get hit on while I'm driving.
- This only perpetuates my insecurity about my height and weight.
- But, at least I look hot driving a Buick!!!!
- I was 21 before I had my first kiss.
- It was one of the most incredible moments of my life.
- I actually remember feeling like I was floating into my house.
- I was so embarassed to tell my mom.
- I hate when people refer to someone as their "boyfriend".
- I'm totally stealing Royce's term Paramour
- It sounds lovely, and less 8th grade.
- I've kissed only four frogs in my lifetime.
- I could have avoided the last one if I'd used my brain.
I will say this... few people, almost none of my female friends understand what my life is like. It is very frustrating. There are days when you feel like you are floating around in a pond by yourself. The Virgin, Never-Been Drunk, Never-Done-Drugs-or-smoked, Pond.
And, then I remember that I am not alone. God carved out this plan for my life, and while I definitely get frustrated with His timing (instead of Him operating in mine), I am so thankful that He didn't answer my prayers. Only God knows where I would be. I am thankful that, when I do get married, I have a real gift to give. And, I'm thankful that I've had these years to enjoy life from a different perspective.
Be careful not to lose perspective. The grass is NOT greener on the other side. The fence always makes it look different. I know that, and have to pray it regularly.
"In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice. In the morning I lay my requests before you wait in expectation." Psalm 5:3
I love Beth Moore. If I haven't reiterated that lately, let me do so now. BETH MOORE IS TOO COOL FOR SCHOOL.
And, (as though she needed an added bonus), she knows how to share a word too.
Go read God for Real Life, and shout while you're putting out the trash. Or taking out your contacts. Or working. Or Living.
- CSI:Miami Season 6 premiered last night to squeals and cheers at my house. It was all me, but I'm totally secure and okay with that.
- It appears that Horatio has a sixteen-year old son... very interesting twist!
- How I met your Mother included the phrase "Tramp Stamp", also referring to it as the equivalent of a Panama City License plate.
- I think I actually hooted when I heard that.
- I wish it were not 90 degrees in September.
- But, at least it's beautiful outside, even if I do sweat a little bit.
- Biggest Loser is on TV tonight... set your DVR's or TiVo's :)
- I think I'm going to need an intervention to break free of my love for all things Dr. Pepper. I've been guzzling those things down like crazy lately.
- But... I am not eating out for lunch anymore, and have saved $85.00 in a week.
- That is a lot of money!!!
- Plus, I'm integrating portion-control AND weight watchers.
- And my Lactose pill is definitely helping my digestion.
- None of you really cared or needed to know that last thing, huh?
- My aunt informed me that she TOO knew about my intolerance.
- I've got to get a hair cut... SOON.
- My hair looks Ratty!
- I'm going to an 80's birthday party next weekend.
- I think I have found a set of "fake" braces that will go fabulously with my faux-permed hair, blue eyeshadow, ankle warmers, and big bangs.
- Or, I may go as 80's punk. I'm torn.
- We have a baby shower at work tomorrow.
- I'm very excited.
- I went to a 1st birthday party this weekend and acted as Olan Mills taking pictures like crazy.
- But some of the pictures came out ridiculously cute!!!!! (See below)
Monday, September 24, 2007
Aaah, but there is so much.
So, instead, I'm going to do a PRAISE POST. I wish I had the talent to do some swanky buttons, but y'all will have to be satisfied in just reading it without bells, whistles, or fancy-schmancy html and cute fonts.
Jesus knows my html-challenged heart.
Oh, but Church, He gets the Praise, ... you know?
A year ago, I had wrestled with some personal junk.
He set me Free.
A year ago, I was giving my heart to the wrong person.
God's perfect will never fails, and through my stubbornness, I've can't shout or praise enough for God NOT answering those prayers.
A year ago, I was struggling with WHERE I belonged.
Besides being in the loving arms of the Almighty, I am thankful that God has shown me that THIS, Even Cleveland, is exactly where I need to be.
God is Good, ALL the TIME.
Then... in reading his links, I discovered another one -- that is, the husband of my little sister in DZT. Visit him too!
I mean... it's kinda high-time that I make sure I practice what I preach you know?
My weekend was fun, and eventful! I went to WP this weekend, got to see Laura, went to Mr. Jude's first Birthday party, and cleaned cleaned cleaned!!!! It was truly busy!!
So... poignant is out the door. Relevant is relative.
I'm glad to be back in TN.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
And I was horribly, horribly ashamed.
We get so wrapped up in stuff -- people, places, and things -- that we constantly lose sight of what's going on. As Christians, we constantly hear different analogies that are saying essentially the same thing... that "Stuff" doesn't matter.
And my struggle is getting bent out of shape over other people's stuff. (As though I don't have enough of my own stuff to worry about!) I can't control people. I don't mean to, but I get so frustrated with friends and family. My heart's desire is to do so much more and I either lack the wherewithall or the gift of persuasion to ignite my passion in others. It is truly exasperating.
And then, (as you can imagine), I get so focused on the people focusing on the stuff that I lose my focus on what I'm supposed to be focusing on in the first place.
(I'll give you a moment...)
I can say that I threw away a lot of stuff this weekend. Some, because it was old and in poor condition. Some, just because I don't want to pass on my stuff to distract others. My mother wasn't happy about some of it, but I reminded her that I want to get married, and get new stuff and that if I don't get rid of the old stuff, then I'll have no where to put it.
Isn't that a spiritual metaphor if you've read one today?
So my prayer is this:
Help me get rid of all the old stuff in my life that keeps me from you. The stuff that keeps me from truly being intimate with you, the stuff that keeps me from doing what you tell me to, the stuff that keeps me from going where you lead me. Lord, I want new stuff. New Grace. New Mercy. More Love. A Husband. (You knew I was going to mention him, didn't you Lord?) Help me to constantly realize that by getting rid of the material stuff as well as the intangible stuff -- the anger, bitterness, hurt, jealousy, pride, discontentment, bad attitude -- that you give me "stuff" in return, for Your Glory. And help me to appreciate the stuff that I'm supposed to keep -- like the Fruit of the Spirit, and the Ten Commandments, and that greatest commandment -- to Love.
Thank you for being the giver of the "Good Stuff"...
and the Love of my Soul,
In your precious name,
Aman. I mean, Amen.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
"May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart. May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace. May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation, and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain in to joy. And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done." (From a Franciscan Benediction)
If you don't read her blog... go now.
Other things I've done this morning include reading sweet blogs about Moms and their babies. And it made me happy and sad, all at the same time.
I, like most women my age, (geez I feel 45 saying that), want babies. I want lots and lots of babies. They're loud, and fussy, and messy, and poopy, and expensive, but they give what money can't buy... Love. My friend K. lets me love on her babies as much as I can, and I do dode on them lavishly. They are sweet and funny, and while Riley is a mess, I am careful to remember that she won't be long little, and that if I blink too hard, she will be too big to love and tickle. So, I squeeze her and spend as much time as I can with her and her baby sister who is starting to laugh at everything now. I love it.
And so the heart of this single woman is broken yet hopeful for what God is going to do.
And to all of you Moms out there, hug your babies.
Enough of the waterworks...
This morning on the radio, I heard about two men who were apparently arguing in Snellville, Georgia, and the argument escalated. When the police got there, one man was dead, and the other man had no arms.
Apparently, the police were as confused too.
Last night, I had two boxes of DZT stuff to go drop off. So, I made a last minute decision to go pick up a cookie and some snacks and visit the girls. Before any of you think I'm some sad Alumni who can't move on -- this is not the case. I even told the girls last night.
I have a good job, I make great money. But, (as mentioned above), I am not married, and I don't have kids. Yes, I could invest my money in stuff, but you know what? I can't take one lick of that to heaven with me. No houses or cars needed in heaven. No clothes, or Wii's, or TV's, or skinny jeans. None of that. When it all boils down... it's about love. And if God puts people on my heart to love, then it is just as much my calling to buy a cookie as it is to give out the clothes to the less fortunate, (conveniently, I have two bags in my car which will be distributed this weekend), or as it is to be in Africa.
I did realize after I left that, since I talk so fast, there is a possibility that only a few of them ACTUALLY understood what I said. But God knows my heart, right? LOL.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Saturday, September 15, 2007
7:00 - Wake up.
7:01 - 7:45 - Lay there trying to figure out why I'm 1) awake and 2) so happy
7:46 - 7:55 - Shower
7:56 - 8:30 - Watch TV because I have NO IDEA AT ALL why I'm awake and can't run errands until 9:00
8:31 - 8:55 - Dry hair, put on make-up, get ready
8:56 - Out the door
9:01 - Arrive at Chick-Fil-A (If I'm gonna this happy, I'm having some Chickn-Minis.
Other things I did today:
1) Cleaned out storage
2) Made a BIG MESS in my living room
3) Hung out with K. and the Girls
4) Hung out with friends briefly.
5) Put a roast in the crock pot for dinner on Sunday
6) Listed a bunch of books for sale on Amazon.
It's 1:02a.m,... and I'm pooped.
Friday, September 14, 2007
I mean,... can we say HALLELUJAH? Because were it not for today's Hurricane rain, I was gonna have to strip down naked, run outside, and do a rain dance.
Y'all can only imagine how pretty that would have been.
Thank you Jesus for Rain!!!
The barking, er, coughing, is subsiding, and I sound less like Darth Vadar and more like a slight congestion. Praise the Lord and pass the Tylenol Sinus/Cold Daytime (Non-drowsy). I've been downing that stuff like candy.
So, I do apologize to those of you who have emailed or called, (or been so completely consumed with your life that you've done nothing), that I haven't emailed or responded lately, but this crud in my head and chest has sort of knocked me down.
I've sort of been running at 200 miles an hour, and it's worn my immune system down, so while the lack-o-rain is part of it, I am solely responsible for the other half.
Thank you all for your patience as the blog was down for a bit. Soon enough you will understand why.
This week has been eventful and exhausting. There's been an anniversary, the shedding of tears, removal of lots of unwelcome green and yellow stuff, and of course, drugs. And Thank God it's Friday. Stand up and shout, Saints.
I missed bible study last night to prevent my DFBC Sisters/Siestas from catching what I've got. -- I'm looking out for y'all. And... my homework wasn't done. But that was an afterthought, I promise! :P
I have lots of thoughts to share, but frankly, my mental organization has taken a backseat this week from my meds. Y'all would have hee-hawed at some of the goofy things I've said. Funny... funny.
I'll try to post a big blog-o-thoughts soon, but I wanted to share what's been happening as of late.
And I'm sad there have been no comments. So, please comment. I beg you.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
This year, with the anniversary on a Tuesday, obviously the same day of the week as the original attack, and haven't recently been in the city, I wanted to take a moment to say that I will never forget. I have to choose to forgive. That may sound ludicrous in lieu of that fact that 1) no one I know personally was affected, and 2) I do not live even remotely near New York City, but being an American, I definitely have deep feelings about this day.
FYI -- I was still in college, my last semester. I had flown exactly one month before to Jamaica to fulfill my cross-cultural requirement to graduate. My mom woke me up at 8:55 or so, and I turned on the TV and watched, but really didn't get it. I went on for a little while, and it wasn't until I got in my car and turned on the radio that I actually realized WHAT had happened. The first thing I did was get on campus. Chapel was now inundated with TV screens, and we were all in shock.
Either later that day, or first thing the next morning, I purchased a newspaper. It's the only momento I kept of the horror.
My tap had already planned and continued on with having the new tap come over for communion. It was very bittersweet.
Late that night, several Lee students (probably 150 or so) went up to Chilhowee to have Praise and Worship and a time of Prayer.
Where were you?
Monday, September 10, 2007
Can I just say how ELATED I AM THAT SOUTH CAROLINA BEAT GEORGIA?!?!!!!!!
(Maybe that's what happens when a die-hard UGA fan breaks my heart... that I pray his team loses miserably.) **No offense to my precious Amy G., the most die-hard fan UGA I know. Maybe next year, all my bitterness will be wiped away and I can once again root for the Dawgs without animocity. **
Mad props to ALABAMA for whipping up on Vandy. (Being the fair-weather, quasi-devoted Vols fan I am, I do not care for Vandy, although they have one of the best med programs. :D )
Yay for the TENNESSEE VOLS picking up a win. 'Bout time.
And ... although I detest Auburn, I really was hoping that Auburn would pull out a victory. (See... I'm not a total Hater.) Tommy T is gonna wind up on Ebay again with his assistants again if he lets Brandon pull that mess once more.
I'm packing on pounds like a champ. :(
But, I'm joining the Rush soon, (it's a 24 hour fitness place), so hopefully, I can start a downward spiral.
I mean... I already have 3 weddings early next year. I do not want to feel yucky in those pictures!!
Thursday, September 6, 2007
In a totally unrelated topic, can I just tell you how good my bible study stuff is? Priscilla Schirer did a good job. Yay for her.
And I bought the new John Ortberg book, because, (let's face it), I love reading his books almost as much as I love watching David Caruso.
And not to rip off his title, the bottom line to life is that, in the game that is life, when the game is finished, all the pieces go back in the box. We can't immortalize a moment of victory, or failure for that matter. I thought about Leona Helmsley wanting to dictate from the dead, but you know what... she can't. Now, nobody wants her $12 million dollar dog, and while it was her wish for that puppy to be buried with her, there are state laws that prohibit her from doing such.
When you're dead, you can't dictate what happens with the living.
Call me simple, but I think that's why Christ AROSE from the dead.
(Actually, my heart just got very excited.)
Now for the soapbox:
We've really got to stop living as though we can capture the moments of success and failure in time, because when the sands run out of the hourglass, we can't. It is an appointed time to stop playing the game, and head to heaven or hell, depending on HOW you played the game. We can't take the money with us. We have a little say in who gets it when we die, but irregardless, we don't get to keep it. And taking it with us completes purges any value it had. And it's not like we're going to be fuming in our casket, moseleum, or urn wondering why our families didn't do what we asked or planned.
Because we can't dictate from the dead.
I'm so thankful that my Savior, Your Savior, got up out of the grave to show the devil who the boss is. From the grave, Jesus dictated Satan's end. He died to give us new life, and rose from the dead so that we know it's real.
It's real y'all.
Stop living like you can take it with you.
Stop waiting for "that moment".
Say it now.
We don't get another now, and we're not promised tomorrow.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
- Friday night -- flew to NYC from Chattanooga via layover in Cincinnati.
- God-willing, that will be the LAST TIME I EVER FLY IN/OUT/AROUND CINCINNATI.
- Those people made New Yorkers looks like Saints.
- "UGH!!" and "Don't Squish my Dress" are the two key phrases that come to mind.
- I did sneak 48 Chick-Fil-A Chicken nuggets through TSA for my brother.
- That's LOVE, y'all.
- I love love love love love being in NYC.
- It is my home away from home.
- Saturday, I went to China town.
- I don't remember what we ate for dinner.
- I looked at probably 50 purses and bought nothing.
- Tennessee lost to Cal State.
- That is bad.
- But not nearly as bad as Michigan.
- I mean seriously, a 1AA???
- And ROLL TIDE.
- I'm a girl, therefore I'm allowed to have multiple SEC allegiances.
- Plus, my brother owes them A LOT OF MONEY for his education.
- Sunday, we didn't go to church.
- Well, BedSprings COG but not a real church.
- We had chicken parm in Little Italy and Shrimp Bruschetta for lunch.
- IT. WAS. DIVINE.
- (my head is spinning right now. woah.)
- We went to SoHo. My friend N. texted me while we were there, and I almost responded with "So, HO?"
- We went to the ESPN Zone to get some gear for my friend Brad.
- WHO RAN CABLE FOR THE AUBURN GAME! YAYAYAYAYAY!!!!
- (Even though... I really detest Auburn, I am super-pumped up for Brad.)
- We went to the Top of the Rock.
- It wasn't 18 degrees this time. It was lovely.
- I think we ate at Dave & Buster's for dinner, but I can't remember.
- Monday, we got up (earlier).
- We met up with my friend Jenn.
- She took us to the other side of the Brooklyn Bridge for one of the most, (if not the most) spectacular view of the Manhattan Skyline I've ever seen.
- and, we got to hang out with her.
- I still haven't seen her ministry, but we're already planning to meet again at Thanksgiving.
- (Jenn, do you realize I'll get to see you THREE times in one year?) Wow.
- We had yummy tacos for dinner.
- I went to bed at 9 last night, but it was nearly 11 before I fell asleep.
- I had to wake up at 4:00 a.m. and leave by 5:00 a.m.
- (Maybe that's why I'm loopy now!)
- I love visiting my brother.
- I miss him though.
- I also cannot for the life of me remember what I ate for dinner Saturday night and it's bugging me.
Oh... and you saw my David Caruso "Pose". I cannot wait for the new season to begin. Jealousy, intrigue, DNA. Yay!!! (Squeels of delight!!!)
I will do a killer post in the next few hours, but for now, ENJOY.
I mean, I could hardly contain myself. It was really almost too much.
I (heart) David Caruso.