Friday, December 7, 2012

30 days of Christian Mingle

(I need to preface what I write with this: I will do my best not to mention a single screen name. I am thankful for dating website and realize this posts could get me banned for life.)

Currently, I'm listening to a cover of a Celine Dion song that transports me (regardless of the artist) back to my 17 year old self. I'm not proud of this, but I was so cruel to a few boys. Boys that I never, ever in a million years meant to hurt, but now see very clearly, how badly I hurt them. (I'M SO SORRY. TRULY I AM.) Ironically enough, they're all married now. With kids.

(Maybe it's not karma, but it's definitely the golden rule. How you treat people will affect how others treat you.)

And even though I swore that I would never do it again, I joined Christian Mingle.

Right now, you're judging me. That's fine. I'm still judging me, so we're even.

I had one of those weirdo nights where I got very sad about being single. I have days where it truthfully just sucks. (There are also a lot of days where I have no time to dwell on my lack-o-relationship.) I joined and promised myself that I wouldn't tell anybody. And that lasted about two days. I was intrigued.

I justified my actions by not paying for the site. You can just be a member for free. You don't have to answer a million questions (I'm talking to you EHarmony) but what you write, and the pictures you want to post have to be approved. It just takes a day or two. Not a big deal. Very early after I joined, I got an email. Because I wasn't paying, I couldn't read the email. This is my one big Christian Mingle regret. (Later on, once I paid, I read the email and nearly cried because it was so sweet.) It was from a very kind guy and I honestly don't think I deserved the nice things he said about me – a complete stranger. Sadly, he's not on CM anymore meaning I missed my chance.

What I have gotten so tickled about though are the screen names that people choose. And the places they take photos. And the animals they take photos with. When I tell you that there are a few folks that have provided HOURS of entertainment, I'm not kidding. One guy was wearing an eye patch and I wound up speaking in a pirate voice for almost two days. ARGGH. One guy's photos all included his ex-wife. (He mentioned her in his profile. UUMMM, NO.) One guy was having a LOT of mental health issues and went into great depth to detail those issues. One guy took a photo in a windowless white van. (Thanks to a bevy of lifetime movies in my latter teen years, I am afraid of being kidnapped in a windowless white van.) A LOT of guys take photos in a bathroom. With visible toilets. Often lid up.

Side note: if you can't take a better photo than that, I must conclude you are NOT the man that God has for me. Thanks for playing. True story.

There are a lot of dogs that make photos. Strangely enough, no cats. One guy had a ginormous iguana/kimodo dragon/lizard that could eat him. Nothing screams "I'm sexy" like reptiles. (I should make a shirt that says that. #winning)

And the screen names. OH MY WORD. Every superhero, superpower, James Bond, bible verses, and more "Christian-ese" phrases than I can shake a stick at. I have seriously loved every one.

I went into this process with my very short list of non-negotiables: must love Jesus, at least 5'9", gainfully employed. Now my list is longer and I'm contemplating chucking the whole list out the window. (Seriously, who am I to know God's best for me?)

I haven't found love. Instead, I've started googling how to join a convent.

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