hello darlin'...

it's been a long time, huh? How 'bout a list??  

• Well... this is my favorite time of year.  Some of my favorite people from college get together to love on each other.  I can't wait!!!!!  Friday can't come soon enough.  :)
• College FOOTBALL SEASON.  There really is nothing better!!!! SEC!!!!
• My friends and I are still working with the Mama.  Every time we're with her, we learn something new.  Some things are heartbreaking, some frustrating, and some just sad.  I do not know how long God has us in this season, but I know that what He's doing is amazing.  I'm so thankful that God is preparing my heart!!
• I love the Youth at my church.  I heart them.  Deeply.
• I like Pinterest, but I do not have the time to dedicate to it. That makes me sad.
• I'm never at home, and now my friends want to see my apartment.  Can we say "disaster"? :D
• I got to see my Mama this weekend.  It had been almost three months.  She called me today, sobbing, and it made me want to drive home and hug her.  These are the times it's so hard to be away from her.
• The other day, I realized I haven't been to the movies in a year.  And there is absolutely no effect on my life.
• I finally recovered the chair in my living room.  I think I need to buy more of the material and make curtains.

That'll have to do for now.

Love,

Jenn

things that frustrate me.

Not really sure how I wound up with two days in a row that I could blog but hey... take what you can get.

Right now I'm fighting a gnarly chest cold/bronchitis.  Makes me wanna scream!  But I'm trying to find the sunny side beyond the excessive coughing.  It's in those moments today that I thought about Nathan and had a good 'ole dose o' reality.

Some girlfriends and I are working with a girl here in town.  I've blogged about her kids briefly, but it's not just the sweet babies that we are working with.

Working with the mama has been interesting.  There are so many things, so much wisdom, that my mother imparted in my life that this young woman has never heard.  Of course it's a cycle, because I have no doubt that her mother never some things either.  We are teaching her how to drive, how to clean, and how to use a budget... just to name a few.  There are SOOOOO many things she's never heard or been told.

I'm also working furiously to break the spirit of laziness.  THAT is going to be the task that may break me, but I'm doing everything I can.  It's hard to undo 27 years of laziness.

Last night, we had a driving lesson.  It's hard to teach a 27 year old HOW to drive.  Not to mention... I drive a 10 year old boat.  It's like learning to drive the a pontoon by practicing on the Titanic.  Madness! 

After our driving lesson (which included her 2 year old and 6 month old in tow in the backseat), we headed to our local Chick-fil-A.  The gawking and staring started before we walked in the door.  About midway through our dinner, I went to clean up some stuff the 2-yo had dropped.  I set the 6 mo in the seat and ask the mama to watch him to for a few seconds. 

I bent down to pick up the things and all of the sudden hear this OUTRAGEOUS SCREAMING, "YOU'RE GOING TO KILL THAT BABY!!!! YOU'RE GOING TO KILL THAT BABY!!!! OH MY GOSH!!! OH MY GOSH!!!!"

I look down and the six month old has flexed in his car seat and looks like he's about to slide out.  I scoop him up, and buckle him in.  BUT THE LADY DOESN'T STOP SCREAMING.  I rarely get that embarrassed, but she took me to a whole new level. The entire restaurant had stopped moving to turn around and watch us. 

That is ... more than they were already watching us and whispering.

I can take a lot of stuff, but present day racism and bigotry set me over the edge.  It's 2011.  I'm sitting at a table with a mama and two of her kids and from the looks/stares/comments we were getting, you would have thought I rolled up with aliens with 16 eyes and 7 arms. 

Of course, it unnerved the Mama too.  After that, she got very defensive at every question and comment.  In my heart, I don't know if she realized the full magnitude of how people were acting because she had her back to them.

But I saw.  And I'm struggling to not be angry and frustrated at the open ignorance.

What to do but persevere and press on?  That's all I know.

xoxo,
Me.

snapshot

I have wanted to write this post for a few weeks but I honestly have no idea how to start.  Any and all grammatical and literary coherence may be completely lost, but that's okay.  :)

Six months ago, a precious friend of mine started couponing.  My friend J. encouraged and taught all of us to coupon.  In my heart, I started couponing to 1) save money and 2) be able to "bless my family in a way that was financially smart and give back a smidgen of what they'd given me.  Over the course of the first few months, we (all) discovered that one of the cashiers we interacted with had been a high school classmate of J.'s.  They really didn't interact and the cashier had assumed (for quite a few years) that J. was snooty.  (Very much not the case.) J. began talking to this cashier and inviting her to church.  Cashier informed us all of her large family -- she is 25, with 3 kids -- ages 3, 2, and 4 months.

sidenote: it was at this point that we all realized this was not some chance meeting.  It's so funny how God does things when you least expect it and in ways that you least expect.  Such is God.  and THANK GOD.

I would love to put more details of cashier's life on the Internet, but I just can't... Her story is her story and I'm not going to detract from it.  She's a statistic of sorts.  If God doesn't move in a mighty way, her children will probably be statistics too. 

Again, I want to tell you SO much more, but that's not the story... at least not for me.

In a way that I never imagined, God put three of the sweetest, funniest, snuggliest kids in my life and the lives of my girlfriends. 



I know this is a crazy, broken-up blog post.  Such is the state of my heart.

I've never in my life considered adoption.  Different people are called to amazing things, but adoption has never been on my radar.  But these kids??  They make me want to adopt all the children of the world. 

My heart has never been shattered into so many pieces.  And for the life of me, I can't tell you how God is supposed to put them back together.  Or what my heart will look like when he does.

I had told my friends many times over the last few weeks that these babies make my uterus hurt.  Every maternal instinct I have is on full throttle.

All I can do is love on these sweet babies.  Kiss their cheeks.  Squeeze them, tickle them, love them.

And they have turned my world upside down.

This is what happens when you sincerely pray for God to break your heart for what breaks His.

xoxo,
Me.

inked.

(please excuse the horrible photography...)

For over 11 years, I've wanted to get a tattoo.

For the last five years, I've occassionally (read: more often than I should) drawn/written the word Love on my arm. 

But this past Saturday, I got it inked on my back.

After this trip to the middle east, I wanted something to commemorate the trip that changed my life and messed me up in an incredible beautiful and wonderful way.

And for me, that meant something permanent!

LOVE,

Jenn 

update.

I cannot, even still, put into words how much fun and how amazing this trip was for me.

On our final day of travel, we flew over the devastating storms that hit North Georgia & Tennessee.  Within 48 hours, I was diagnosed with Strep & Laryngitis.  Followed by sinusitis, bronchitis, and a gnarly set of cramps.

I'm still not 100% (I'm closer than I was Thursday) but as soon as I get well... I'll be back.  :)

xoxo,
Me.

oh my.

I did not in any way, shape or form, intend to ever be in this place.

And hte part I'm struggling with right now is that I don't want to leave.  Mind you, there are things here that make me nervous.  I call it scared, but I think it's more about being out of my comfort zone than anything.

My poor shattered little comfort zone.  Eek!

Tomorrow, we are going to spend a night in the desert.  After seeing the big city, fast-pace, and middle of nowhere slow pace, I think I like the slow pace part of this land.

I love the honor.  I love that chivalry exists here.

Too bad it's nearly dead stateside.

Although, I did have someone offer a bride price for me.  Too bad no one here needs 10 camels.

xxo,
Jenn

the road.

I have never in my life felt as small as I did today.  My fearless friend and I drove from the Dead Sea to Petra. 

Both the map and a few internet searches indicated that the road was at times, treacherous.  If I'd had any indication of what I was going to see today, I promise you, I would have not gone. 

We got on this small, hardly paved road and drove for about 30 kilometers (about an hour) at a slow speed.  I have never been more afraid in my life of a car breaking down.  My friend (who owes me a hug after I didn't totally freak out and he ultimately rescued me) was so calm on the road.

But that wasn't the best part.  I had the privilege to see a part of the earth today that only a small percentage have seen.  It's incredibly breathtaking, but so outrageously isolated that I'm finding it hard to put together the words to tell you what I saw.

What I can tell you, is how it made feel.  I have never felt so small and so insignificant in my entire life.  To know the brevity that God alone know each crook and hidden place in the magnificence that I saw today is too much for words.  Littered along the highway were Bedouin families.  The isolation they live in is kind of unfathomable to me.  When I return home, I'm going to go back to my apartment alone, sleep in my huge comfy bed alone, and get back to life.

But my problem is that I've seen too much.

I've seen how some people on the other side of the world live, and frankly, I cannot afford to be so comfortable in my spoiled little rich life.  If I'm the woman and the Christian that God has called me to be, I'm going to have to work to not put back on the materialistic blinders that I wear so frequently.

I'm going to have to be different. I AM different. 

There is an older Christian song that includes the following line:

"You make the road rise up to meet me"

Today, more than ever before, I understand COMPLETELY what that means.

xoxo,
Jenn