Nothing really incredibly profound today... but that's okay.
I'm a woman, therefore, I'm a worrier. I'm overly analytical (often times to the wrong), and a deep thinker. Lately, my thoughts have made me restless and sleepless (until I fall asleep and then I don't want to get up to go to work in the a.m.!). Saturday was an especially rough day for me, as I had a lot of time driving. Normally... typically... driving is very therapeutic for me. It's been that way for 12 years. But during times of healing and restoration, when I know that I am still very involved in the process, driving can be the "anti" of what I really need. So Saturday, I found myself rebuking my thoughts and cranking up praise and worship music in the hopes that my ears would hurt too bad for me to think. (It didn't really help and I think I have temporary deafness in one ear.)
There are times when I read scripture and I don't always understand the context. But last night in my reading, I understand something David said with complete clarity:
"Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to you word." Psalm 119:37.
I can imagine David going through the land, thinking about what his enemies were plotting against him (see the rest of Psalm 119), and worrying about what they're next move was, or what they were saying about him, or what he ever really did to deserve this. If David could drive, I'm sure he'd be flying through the desert at Mach 3 trying to get out of dodge. But, his heart is pained as he cries out to his God to sanctify and re-align his mind by saying (my paraphrase) - "God, help me get this crap out of my head, these thoughts that I can't do anything with, that only hurt me, and help me focus on You, and take care of me Lord. By Your words you promised to take care of me."
Do you ever find yourself worrying endlessly about stuff that you have no business worrying and fretting over? I do. I can't stop "them" from saying ugly things about, or thinking terrible thoughts about me, based on lies. But I can stop wasting my time worrying and being anxious over those things, and get my focus back on God's will and God's work.
"You prepare a table before me, in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever." Psalm 23:5-6
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Monday, January 15, 2007
Preggo...
All my PG friends are starting to crack me up! Poor things, six of them (that I can think of offhand) are more than halfway through their pregnancies. For each of them, this is at least baby #2. This weather has not helped any of them -- typically it would be cooler and alleviate some of the temperature discomfort that they face -- but yesterday's high of 70 degrees only made things uncomfortable for a few. My BF L. is just seven weeks away from delivery, and said on the phone the other day that this pregnancy had been very different from her other two -- slightly more difficult, and she'd been more physically uncomfortable. So... for all my PG friends, I want you to know that you are in my prayers. I typically blog about me/my problems/my stuff, but I wanted you all to know that you are in my thoughts. I went this weekend and bought four baby gifts, and one bridal gift, and am equivocally broke. :) My knitting/crocheting has taken a backseat since,... (well, I stink at it!)... so I opted for the easy gift -- baskets-of-old -- as faithful back-ups. (H.,... when are you having a shower??) I am however (conceitedly) getting really good at throwing baby showers these days! I failed to throw too many bridals, (which was mercifully good for my self-esteem), but baby showers are always delightful.
Really... that's all. It's rainy and yucky outside, and I thought of you all... (all 15 of you PG friends I know). Love you bunches!
Really... that's all. It's rainy and yucky outside, and I thought of you all... (all 15 of you PG friends I know). Love you bunches!
1.15.2007
Today is the midmark of the month of January. :)
My heart is bursting with excitement. It has been for a while, and last night was no exception. Last night I was reading and came across this quote:
"Some people say, "God will never ask me to do something I can't do." I have come to the place in my life that, if the assignment I sense God is giving me is something that I know I can handle, I know it probably isn't from God. The kind of assignments God gives in the Bible are always God-sized. They are always beyond what people can do, because He wants to demonstrate His nature, His strength, His provision, and His kindness to His people and to a watching world. This is the only way the world will come to know Him." (Henry Blackaby, my emphasis)
And then... it hit me. I thought about all the pastors on television who ask for money. I am not defending those who have made some mistakes (Bakker, Swaggert, Haggard), but I thought about the dynamic ministries and specifically something that Jesse Duplantis said when I heard him preach a few months ago. I have questioned and judged those who get on television, thinking that what they were asking for was ridiculous, or, since I would never see it in person, wouldn't want to give anyway. I have turned the channels in the name of frivolity. But it hit me last night -- that I have NO IDEA of the vision that God gave them. I realize that this opens a "can of worms" with some people, and I'm not going to waste my time on the differing opinions. I thought of my own dreams and aspirations. You know, sometimes God puts things in your heart and your head that, if you ever REALLY shared them, your loved ones would have you shipped off to padded rooms with little while jackets. But that is EXACTLY what God does. Real callings are doing those things that seem ridiculous and impossible. They're humanly impossible, but totally God-possible. As a matter of fact, they're God-Easy, but we don't have the capacity to understand that. As I kept on reading/studying, I ran across this scripture, and for me, it lines right up with the quote above:
"Do not let this Book of Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:8-9
Did he not command us? Yes!!! He did!! I love that the Lord has to tell Joshua three times in one chapter to "be strong and courageous". God know it wasn't going to come easy. God knew that the task He assigned Joshua was too big for Joshua to get. He needed to be encouraged. His faith needed to be reminded. Mine was reminded twice in October, and once on New Years Eve. I was even more encouraged in my heart last night regarding what I've been praying about in my life. Here are the facts: I am moving. (I'm not moving to Dalton anymore... long story!) But I am moving. When are where -- totally in the Lord's hands. Not mine. If I had been destined for a life of mediocrity, then I would have mediocre dreams and mediocre hopes, and there would be mediocre people in my life. I don't. I don't. And there aren't. This ride, this adventure, this roller coaster -- is Just the Beginning. You know, I'm 28 years old, and I still get excited and can't sleep the night before I go to Six Flags. I have been probably 100 times, but I still get butterflies. That's the way I feel right now. I am at the door of the adventure.... this incredible adventure that the Lord has for me... and I've got the butterflies... and I can't wait!
This weekend, a friend of mine came in town and we ate/laughed/acted silly, the whole nine. But last night, as I was getting ready to drop her off, she made a reference a relationship that I am not longer in, and how nothing good came out of it. I was slightly appalled that she made that comment, because so much good came out of that horrible relationship.
I learned:
1) I deserve God's best for me. What I was holding onto so desperately was not the best. It wasn't even close.
2) The foolish fantasized relationship that I thought I wanted had to be shattered in the process.
3) The dreams that I had, the plans that I made, had to be destroyed and must die a painful death in order for me to realize that what God planned for me, Before I was ever born, is so much bigger than this.
Maybe that doesn't sound like a good thing -- but call me. Hear the excitement in my voice when I tell you of the good things that came out of that bad relationship. Better still... hear the excitement in my voice when I tell you that, while I don't know what waits ahead for me, that I do know that it will be so wonderful that I won't be able to contain it.
Psalm 5:3 "In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation."
My heart is bursting with excitement. It has been for a while, and last night was no exception. Last night I was reading and came across this quote:
"Some people say, "God will never ask me to do something I can't do." I have come to the place in my life that, if the assignment I sense God is giving me is something that I know I can handle, I know it probably isn't from God. The kind of assignments God gives in the Bible are always God-sized. They are always beyond what people can do, because He wants to demonstrate His nature, His strength, His provision, and His kindness to His people and to a watching world. This is the only way the world will come to know Him." (Henry Blackaby, my emphasis)
And then... it hit me. I thought about all the pastors on television who ask for money. I am not defending those who have made some mistakes (Bakker, Swaggert, Haggard), but I thought about the dynamic ministries and specifically something that Jesse Duplantis said when I heard him preach a few months ago. I have questioned and judged those who get on television, thinking that what they were asking for was ridiculous, or, since I would never see it in person, wouldn't want to give anyway. I have turned the channels in the name of frivolity. But it hit me last night -- that I have NO IDEA of the vision that God gave them. I realize that this opens a "can of worms" with some people, and I'm not going to waste my time on the differing opinions. I thought of my own dreams and aspirations. You know, sometimes God puts things in your heart and your head that, if you ever REALLY shared them, your loved ones would have you shipped off to padded rooms with little while jackets. But that is EXACTLY what God does. Real callings are doing those things that seem ridiculous and impossible. They're humanly impossible, but totally God-possible. As a matter of fact, they're God-Easy, but we don't have the capacity to understand that. As I kept on reading/studying, I ran across this scripture, and for me, it lines right up with the quote above:
"Do not let this Book of Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:8-9
Did he not command us? Yes!!! He did!! I love that the Lord has to tell Joshua three times in one chapter to "be strong and courageous". God know it wasn't going to come easy. God knew that the task He assigned Joshua was too big for Joshua to get. He needed to be encouraged. His faith needed to be reminded. Mine was reminded twice in October, and once on New Years Eve. I was even more encouraged in my heart last night regarding what I've been praying about in my life. Here are the facts: I am moving. (I'm not moving to Dalton anymore... long story!) But I am moving. When are where -- totally in the Lord's hands. Not mine. If I had been destined for a life of mediocrity, then I would have mediocre dreams and mediocre hopes, and there would be mediocre people in my life. I don't. I don't. And there aren't. This ride, this adventure, this roller coaster -- is Just the Beginning. You know, I'm 28 years old, and I still get excited and can't sleep the night before I go to Six Flags. I have been probably 100 times, but I still get butterflies. That's the way I feel right now. I am at the door of the adventure.... this incredible adventure that the Lord has for me... and I've got the butterflies... and I can't wait!
This weekend, a friend of mine came in town and we ate/laughed/acted silly, the whole nine. But last night, as I was getting ready to drop her off, she made a reference a relationship that I am not longer in, and how nothing good came out of it. I was slightly appalled that she made that comment, because so much good came out of that horrible relationship.
I learned:
1) I deserve God's best for me. What I was holding onto so desperately was not the best. It wasn't even close.
2) The foolish fantasized relationship that I thought I wanted had to be shattered in the process.
3) The dreams that I had, the plans that I made, had to be destroyed and must die a painful death in order for me to realize that what God planned for me, Before I was ever born, is so much bigger than this.
Maybe that doesn't sound like a good thing -- but call me. Hear the excitement in my voice when I tell you of the good things that came out of that bad relationship. Better still... hear the excitement in my voice when I tell you that, while I don't know what waits ahead for me, that I do know that it will be so wonderful that I won't be able to contain it.
Psalm 5:3 "In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation."
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Friday, January 12, 2007
T-shirt
*** LET ME PREFACE THIS POST BY SAYING THAT I OWE $34,000 FOR THE EDUCATION I RECEIVED AT LEE UNIVERSITY, a Liberal Arts Christian College. I am proud of my Alma Mater and thankful for my degree.
But I saw this t-shirt and cracked up. And I ordered it.
But I saw this t-shirt and cracked up. And I ordered it.
1.12.2007
EXCITED!!! Last night, went so good. I cannot tell you how relieved I was that things went well. I continue to be amazed at how God knows us, and protects us, but most importantly, Prepares us! He's just too good.
I shared last night, and share with you now that my heart -- is bursting! My journey these last few months, these last few weeks, has been alot to absorb. My "emotional" heart is still mending (God is in control of that -- I ACTUALLY left it alone for once!), but my soul is rejoicing! There are so many good things!!! Yes, there is world hunger, a national deficit, war, and countless other terrible things that are happening in the world that I can't do much about, I can share where my joy is! Last night, I talked about the "blahs", and made myself laugh when I got ready to write an email -- Jesus came that we might have life Less Blah and More Abundantly! (I know... I'm a dork... but I'm a dork for Jesus and that's all that counts.)
I just realized that I took the bible I keep at work -- Home. What was I thinking? Oh well... thank God for BibleGateway.com.
... I'm totally zapped out right now. I had something good to share, and it's gone! Maybe I'll have more to post soon...
I shared last night, and share with you now that my heart -- is bursting! My journey these last few months, these last few weeks, has been alot to absorb. My "emotional" heart is still mending (God is in control of that -- I ACTUALLY left it alone for once!), but my soul is rejoicing! There are so many good things!!! Yes, there is world hunger, a national deficit, war, and countless other terrible things that are happening in the world that I can't do much about, I can share where my joy is! Last night, I talked about the "blahs", and made myself laugh when I got ready to write an email -- Jesus came that we might have life Less Blah and More Abundantly! (I know... I'm a dork... but I'm a dork for Jesus and that's all that counts.)
I just realized that I took the bible I keep at work -- Home. What was I thinking? Oh well... thank God for BibleGateway.com.
... I'm totally zapped out right now. I had something good to share, and it's gone! Maybe I'll have more to post soon...
Thursday, January 11, 2007
1.11.07
I am being rebellious and not switching to the updated (non-beta) blogger. I am afraid I am going to lose all my links as a few others have done.
I brought my stuff today to finish up what I'll be speaking about tonight. I have butterflies. I momentarily attempted to attach an emotion, but frankly, none of them fit. And I can't trust my emotions anyway, thus a feeble attempt at defining them is futile.
Some thoughts to share from my readings:
"Fear makes people bury the treasure God has given them." (Ortberg)
"Living means being addressed." Martin Buber
"The line between "Thou shalt not be afraid" and "Thou shalt not be ridiculous" is often a fine one and not easily located." (Ortberg)
"You will have to be willing to let some dreams die a painful death." (Ortberg)
There are a thousand things that I have not blogged about. The greatest two reasons are that: 1) they are beyond painful to share, and 2) there are a few people who have my blog address that I refuse to blog about, because in their sick heads, it validates (to them) that how they treated me was okay (in essence, that I'm the only one who is screwed up). I wish this were not the case, but it is, and it prevents me from wholly sharing what I'd like to share sometimes. In my heart, I also know that this represents a sign of personal growth for me. It's okay to share how you feel about something, or how you perceive that someone/something has wronged you. But not saying it, or writing it in my case, can also help you keep the wounds that are still healing from being ripped open again. That is where I take comfort in knowing that, ONE DAY, I will be able to share, and not care who reads this.
I love that my life is changing. And I mean it. I can't undo anything that happened last year, or the year before, or the year before that. But I refuse to be defined by those actions. Moreover, I refuse to be defeated by those actions. I had a melt-down in a Wal-Mart parking lot today after I had picked up some chicken. Something that should have been completely inconsequential. Something that should have not happened. I had to sit in my current vehicle and repent. My prayer went something like this: "Dear God. Forgive my attitude and my actions. It totally sucks." Then the lyrics of a song slapped me in the face "I will declare the beauty of the Lord, for nothing compares to the beauty of the Lord, and Jesus your love, it takes my breath away, now I'm living everyday, for the beauty of the Lord." There was NO beauty in my lapse in sense. But there is beauty in repentance. Just reiterates that I think God. is. the. coolest. EVER.
I meant this to be a happy blog, but it's not. Boo.
I brought my stuff today to finish up what I'll be speaking about tonight. I have butterflies. I momentarily attempted to attach an emotion, but frankly, none of them fit. And I can't trust my emotions anyway, thus a feeble attempt at defining them is futile.
Some thoughts to share from my readings:
"Fear makes people bury the treasure God has given them." (Ortberg)
"Living means being addressed." Martin Buber
"The line between "Thou shalt not be afraid" and "Thou shalt not be ridiculous" is often a fine one and not easily located." (Ortberg)
"You will have to be willing to let some dreams die a painful death." (Ortberg)
There are a thousand things that I have not blogged about. The greatest two reasons are that: 1) they are beyond painful to share, and 2) there are a few people who have my blog address that I refuse to blog about, because in their sick heads, it validates (to them) that how they treated me was okay (in essence, that I'm the only one who is screwed up). I wish this were not the case, but it is, and it prevents me from wholly sharing what I'd like to share sometimes. In my heart, I also know that this represents a sign of personal growth for me. It's okay to share how you feel about something, or how you perceive that someone/something has wronged you. But not saying it, or writing it in my case, can also help you keep the wounds that are still healing from being ripped open again. That is where I take comfort in knowing that, ONE DAY, I will be able to share, and not care who reads this.
I love that my life is changing. And I mean it. I can't undo anything that happened last year, or the year before, or the year before that. But I refuse to be defined by those actions. Moreover, I refuse to be defeated by those actions. I had a melt-down in a Wal-Mart parking lot today after I had picked up some chicken. Something that should have been completely inconsequential. Something that should have not happened. I had to sit in my current vehicle and repent. My prayer went something like this: "Dear God. Forgive my attitude and my actions. It totally sucks." Then the lyrics of a song slapped me in the face "I will declare the beauty of the Lord, for nothing compares to the beauty of the Lord, and Jesus your love, it takes my breath away, now I'm living everyday, for the beauty of the Lord." There was NO beauty in my lapse in sense. But there is beauty in repentance. Just reiterates that I think God. is. the. coolest. EVER.
I meant this to be a happy blog, but it's not. Boo.
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