Naked.

So, I’m in a bloggin’-funk, and I don’t know how to start this entry. (There’s a start!)

Last night – we cranked up another study at the FBC: Beth Moore’s Loving Well. And I wanted to ball my eyeballs out. I’m not sure why. We watched the video last night, and I just wanted to cry the entire time.

A few years ago, being the massive crybaby that I am, I asked God to take away the tears, and no kidding, I didn’t cry for almost six months. It was a horrible period in my life. I have cried in these last six months, but I feel like the majority of them have been happy tears. Then last night, Beth mentioned David having to encourage his own soul.

I still wanted to cry, but kinda felt better then. So, to my soul I say, “Why are you so sad???”

My hope and prayer is that this is not over a boy, because frankly, it’s getting old.

And he was at my house again last night. He left a message with a friend of mine that, since he hadn’t seen us in 20 hours, he was having withdrawals. And he sat by me on the couch.

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And the series from Beth is about loving well, and how in order to REALLY love people well, you have to love them to the point of exposure – to the point that you know that at some point you are going to get hurt. And my brain REELS.

And on top of that, a job opened up at work two doors down from my office that would almost double my salary. No, you did not misread that; it would increase my salary by 80%. And the Holy Spirit tore me up the other day about praying for Hawaii and putting a time frame on it again. Moreover – telling people my time frame.

So…
1) Cute guy that LOVES JESUS, is in seminary, has integrity, is taller than me, and is not anorexic. (And the church and all my friends said AMEN)
2) Incredible promotion opportunity in my same building, with my same department, with the wonderful people that I love so much
3) Hawaii – tropical paradise

I’m so stinking confused.

So, between Beth Moore, John Ortberg, and Brother Andrew, all three folks are talking to me about being transparent. Exposed. Vulnerable. And I am. Every time I think about this guy – my heart gets EXCITED. When I think about this job, I think about not having to start over in a place and make brand new friends, and getting out of all of my debt - I get EXCITED. And when I think about Hawaii… I mean… it’s Hawaii. I can’t help but think about it - and get EXCITED.

Maybe this post makes no sense.

... good quotes...

“To make a start where we are, we must recognize that our world is not normal, but only usual at present.” Dallas Willard

“Community is the place where the person you least want to live with always lives.” Henri Nouwen

“Assault and withdrawal are the two essential forms of relational sin.” Dallas Willard

“Attack and withdrawal are practiced by every human being on earth, and they damage every marriage and family and workplace and church. At root, they are the two expressions of the one great sin, which is the lack of love, the violation of the one great commandment. All of our relational mismanagement is really a variation on these two tendencies of the fallen human heart. When we feel threatened, we want to hurt others or hide from them.” John Ortberg

“Lonliness is the leprosy of modern society.” Mother Teresa

“Community is the place where our limitations, our fear and our egoism is revealed to us. While we are alone, we could believe we loved everyone. Now that we are living with others, living with them all the time, we realize how incapable we are of loving, how much we deny to others, how closed in on ourselves we are.” Jean Vanier

This is just WRONG.

The World's Tallest Man marries a woman who is 5'6".

This ridiculously exceeds my 12 inch rule. Seriously.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17827041/

03.28.2007

I haven’t blogged in almost a week now.

I think there are times when, your actions tell the reality of what is going on in your life. Anybody who reads this with the faintest sense of who I am… knows that I love writing. I do. You should also know that a lack of writing shows a lack of organization in my life too. That is my problem.

Here’s what I feel – I feel like I’ve been in this incredible horrible mood for about three weeks. The stupidest things are getting on my nerves and I’m griping about them. I’m thankful in prayer in the morning and at night, but the twelve hours or so in between, I’m totally sucking wind at being thankful for EVERYTHING God has done for me. I also feel like I’ve been running ninety-to-nothing the last three weeks, and I haven’t read like I should. That makes a huge difference in me! I have to get good meaty word in my heart to stay balanced. Instead, I’m still pining over a boy (sheesh!), keeping my social calendar full and trying to read as minimal as possible. AND.IT.SHOWS. I’ve been short with friends, missed appointments, ignored phone calls, because of this ridiculously foul mood, and frankly, IT’S GOT TO STOP.

I’m choosing Today as the starting point of me stopping doing this. (Yes, that sentenced is packed-full of grammatical errors, but I don’t care.)

This past weekend, I was in New York. Friday was a total fiasco. It was bad from the start. We missed our plane. My weekend progressively got better, but the damage was already done. I missed seeing two friends because both of my cell phones were dead. I walked 30 miles in three days (which any New Yorker would consider light). It boils down to this – my brother just needed time with my mother and I. We went to church with him on Sunday. CAN I JUST TELL YOU HOW GOOD GOD IS??? I’ve been praying for a few months seriously about JM going to church. And he found one, on his own, and he loves it. The pastor is David Epstein – (Kathie Lee Gifford’s brother). And he’s awesome.

In other news… I left all my phone chargers at my Mom’s house too.

That’s all I’ve got right now… I’ve lost my train of thought…

Thursday Thirteen #7

Yes... it's that time again!!! Last week's thirteen were filled with cold remedies. This week... I'm sticking to what I know -- 13 things I'm thankful for THIS week! I have been in a funk (to say the least) and remembering what all I have to be thankful for WILL make me feel better!

1) God's never-ending-new-each-day-mercy (that I am so unworthy of).
2) My prayer time in the morning. (I have a 45 minute drive to work. This morning was a good time to cry.)
3) Getting to see my Mother and Brother this weekend.
4) Getting out of Tennessee. (and the whole choir shouted AMEN!)
5) Getting to see my friends J. & S. tonight at Cracker Barrel.
6) Good health this week! (I feel SOOOOOOOOOOO much better.)
7) Clean clothes -- I was able to get everything washed/folded/hung up before I left this morning.
8) Good books. (Still reading about the fellowship of the mat. L.O.V.E.I.T.)
9) Praying that I calculated my state taxes correctly and that I can actually keep the refund I calculated.
10) Gorgeous spring weather!
11) Cute shoes
12) New stationery
13) A Balanced Checkbook. :)

Word Cloud

There is a nifty little site that will go read your blog, then create a word cloud. It's called Snapshirts.com. I am so impressed!!

The Countdown is on...

That's right ... in 22 1/2 hours, I will be in New York City. I love it. This is my getaway.

I'm so excited about a trip out of town. And I love that this place gets to be my out of town, too! My Mom and I are flying out EARLY in the morning, and will meet my brother around 9:00 a.m. While we are not entirely sure what we are going to be doing this weekend, I can assure that it will be so sweet to just be with my Mom and my brother. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, but it was Mom, John Mark, and me for so long... and we don't get to have that time often with JM living so far away. We will probably be painting my brother's apartment; thank God it's only 250 square feet. Hopefully, we can knock that out before lunchtime tomorrow. JM and I are planning on taking my Mom to a show -- she hasn't been to a show since 1974, when she was in California. I'm going to try to see some friends in the city, and catch a good church service! More than anything, I just pray that I will get some perspective and "new air" in my body. Time away from CleveVegas will help me appreciate it so much more!

Much love...
~jlc~