... after these messages!

Contrary to popular belief, I have not forsaken my little blog! I'm working on a doozie of a post that I hope to have up this evening!!

Hope you're having a great day!!

xoxo,
me.

writing the different story.

Three months ago today (the 16th), I got to work, and felt the most excruciating pain in my life -- kidney stones.  Today marks three months of no Coca-Cola and no Dr. Pepper.  I was an addict.  I probably drank 12 12-oz drinks a day.

Six weeks ago, something very bad happened to me.  It wasn't horrible as much as it destroyed a nest I'd built for myself.  I knew, immediately, that if I didn't make very drastic changes, things in my life would be significantly compromised.

The very first thing you see on this post is a picture of Jon Hamm as Don Draper from Mad Men.  Mad Men is in it's fourth season, and even though I've never watched before, I am hooked.  HOOKED.

Tonight, it occurred to me, that I am addicted to the story because the plot is a tiny bit surreal for me.

Don Draper is writing a new story for himself.  After (four seasons), a lot of alcohol, and womanizing (this is where the correlation ENDS!), he's writing a new story.

And I am too.

And I'm finding the writing a new story involves a level of intentionality that I am not used to operating at.  It requires a shift in my normal routines.  It requires good, but difficult change.

I've changed my grooming routine in the morning.  I've started taking a vitamin.  I plan for things more than ever before.  I schedule time for me, and time to fail.  I'm exercising.  I'm monitoring my caloric intake like never before.  But before the day is done, or at least before I lay my head down, I aim to accomplish and complete things.  At work, I'm changing everything.  The things that used to get my attention halfway?, now get them 100%.  I'm aware.  It's an acuteness that is taking time to adjust. 

Part of the adjustment involved stepping away from online (in part), and living some things that I'd only daydreamed of experiencing before.

And it's hard.

I feel that I have apologized to you more than a few times now, and I'm sorry doesn't cut it.  I need to be honest with you and say, that I miss this the most, but in order for me to be the best me I can be, this is the adjustment for now.  This is the season I mentioned in my last post.  It also means praying for you by name at night, not really knowing the depth of your needs, but knowing that God has placed You specifically in my life.  It's interceding for you without the lip service; just action, all action, if you know what I mean.

It's writing a new story for me. 

But I like it.

And I'm going to keep writing it.

xoxo,
Me.

this is my prayer.

In every season of our lives, I believe God will give you little things to constantly put your life in perspective.

At the close of every chapel service during my collegeiate experience, the entire body is led to recite aloud the college benediction.

For me, no word from God rings truer in this season then that benediction:

"Let the words of my mouth, and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer."  Psalm 19:14

xoxo,
Me.

Reunion 2010

This past weekend, my favorite college buddies and I met in Gatlinburg at this place

and we

and we

and we played

and we

and some more...

and we

and

some more.

And we took lots of

We were

and

and we had a good time.

TOGETHER.

xoxo,

Me.

to say what you need to say.

I'm in a season of keeping my mouth shut.

It has to be one of my least favorite seasons of life, and yet, I know that it's critically important to just stay quiet.

This is not the normal, natural response for a reactor.

Things in my life are changing and while they are, well, scary, I know and have to believe that God is seeing me and will see me through.  I refuse to believe otherwise.  And I'm trying NOT to comment. 

And to make this season even crazier, I'm intentionally asking God to change me.

In a few situations in my life, I am both cognitively aware and heart-aware that the other folks are never going to change.  I'm taking away any expectations that they can change, and asking God to make the changes in me.

I can honestly say that I never really expected to pray for that.

here goes...

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I've had some pain in my knee and hip so I've had to scale back on my workouts.  I am refusing to stop but am acutely aware that I need to take care of my body.  I didn't gain 60 pounds overnight and hope as I may, I won't lose it that way either.

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The blogging community that you are never ceases to amaze me, encourage me, inspire me, and love me.  I wish I had the financial means to come to where you are, buy you dinner, give you a ginormous hug, and tell you how much I love you.  Since I can't, I hope this will suffice.

From the bottom of my heart, with all my heart, thank you, and I love you.

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Lastly, I need a vacation. 

Hallelujah, and pass the airline tickets.

AMEN.

xoxo,
me.

it's meeting the man of your dreams… and then meeting his beautiful wife.

As I write this, I can’t help but find the irony (get it?) of Alanis Morrisette’s song and how it applies to my oh-so-interesting day Thursday, also one of the occupational hazards of being a single woman.

I need to preface what I write with this: these are my thoughts. I would never in a million years cross any lines because that’s not me. If after reading this, you feel an urge to berate me in the comments, suppress it. I will probably retaliate and you'll regret your choice.

There is a guy that I work with that I have talked via phone to for the last five years. He has the best phone voice, a combination of Good ‘Ole Boy and college education. He is funny, and we’ve talked about everything from church to politics to family. He is married with 2 kids and he knows I’m single.

Thursday, I had to pick something up from him. Despite the fact that we’ve corresponded for so long and that we’ve been a quarter mile from one another all this time, we had never met.

I tend to find 90% of men attractive. I rule them as completely disgusting after I witness something they do. There are exceptions, like the Great Date Escape of Oh-10. Because I lean toward the almost-always-attractiveness-line, I rarely have anyone take my breath away. In my 31 years, I’d say like twice, tops.

But this guy took my breath away. It happened so fast and so instantaneously that it scared me. He walked away from a meeting to stand beside me and all I could think was ala-Joey-Russo – “Woah!”. I mean, WOAH is right. He wasn’t one of your typical drop dead gorgeous guys. (I tend to lean toward the non-traditional hotties anyway), but something about him got me.

I know this is going to sound just as crazy, but I’m telling you I had one of those movie moments where I know he felt it too.

And it scared the bah-ju-ju out of me.

Lest you all think I’m some marriage-breaker-up (WHICH I’M NOT), please know that nothing and I mean nothing will ever happen. I value marriage. What I did realize is that I miss, and I long for, THAT feeling. Someone to take my breath away.

It’s so easy sometimes to fall prey to the thoughts that settling is an option. If you knew what I’d been entertaining the last few weeks some of you would be ashamed of me. I am 31. I’m still single. I’ve foolishly focused some attention on a guy thinking that he should love me! Writing that down is as preposterous as the thinking behind it. I shouldn’t have to negotiate with anyone for them to love me. Regardless of the awesomeness I bring to the table, love should never be forced. Or contractual. It should just happen naturally.

It should be someone taking my breath away…

I think.

xoxo,
me.

breathe. stretch. shake. run.

My life is all about running right now.  I could bore you with the details, but I'm trying to spare you.  It's going well, I'm still sweating like Cuh-ray-zy, and I'm loving it.  Endurance, endurance, endurance!!

I have completely disconnected electronically while at work.  I have days where it's frustrating, but OH! so necessary.  The only downside is that I'm missing all of y'all!!  With the addition of running and the fact that my computer is not in an advantageous spot in my home, I miss out on reading your wonderful thoughts and words on Your blogs. 

The upside to all this running is that now my body has decided to wake up at a decent hour every day.  With this, I may be able to blog regularly and read your lovely things!  YAY!

Come to think of it, my life may be all about explanation right now.

Pop quiz -- how do you define the difference between explanation and excuse?

Anywhoodle-oo.  I'm trying to think of exciting things going on in my life?????????????

I've got nothing.  :)

But, I do love you all (even though I haven't met most of you!) and pray that today is a wonderful day for you!!!

xoxo,
me.