a letter.

Dear Heart,

(insert thug attitude/vibe) You gone have to get out this funk real quick.  Sad Jenn is not cool.  (end thug attitude/vibe).

10 years ago today, the very first man you ever loved smashed your heart into a gazillion pieces.  While most people bounce after a few months, you decided to drag it out for nearly 3 years.

:(

the only reason you really got over him was because you got into somebody else.  Trouble was his middle name, and being phony was his game.  That ended after too many years, and you were doing good.  You don't miss either of those boys, but letting the loneliness get to you? Not really okay.

Today, you need to get your junk together and snap back to your self.  

You are so much smarter than that 20 year old was. You've been burned, but you've felt love, at the very core of who you are, and you know you want it again.  Don't close yourself off to experiencing that, no matter what "rational" reason you think you can come up with.  Love ... is the most exhilarating feeling in the world.  Remember the high, and be happy.

from,
Me.

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Tonight, I ran without any music or words pounding into my ears.  Just to run, to de-stress, to engage in conversation with God.  To cry a little, laugh a few times, and pound my fist in the air when I realized I WASN'T dying after 2 minutes. And then another 2 minutes.  And then aNOTHER 2 minutes.

Yay!

I don't know if I need to quit finding balance and just do it, or what.  I'm sorry you all are enduring with me as I figure out what in the world I need to do with my life (and I'm thanking you MUCHO MUCH in advance).

In the comments of the last post, Gina @ I am Gina Bob left a quote that I needed to be reminded of (P.S. stop by her blog if you haven't yet.  Gina is so sweet!):

"Tears are liquid prayers that need no interpretation." -C.H. Spurgeon

and I need to remember that today.

xoxo,
me.