Tuesday, April 10, 2007

I.am.so.sleepy...

I got to work way earlier than usual this morning. It was after 1:00am before I fell asleep, and my exhaustion is making me totally rethink going to this DVD taping. Yes, interpeeps, I'm a sleeper. I can't help it. I love sleep. To be snuggly and warm and in dreamland... is.a.beautiful.thing. Indeed. So, I am fighting the urge.

In funny news, the crush called me last night, under the guise of coming by to watch Dancing with the Stars. (I know, I know... don't fuss at me. Pray for me!) He got to my house about thirty minutes before anybody else, and we chatted briefly and then I realized: He and I can have quiet time and I don't freak out. I say, candidly, that I cannot do that with a lot of people. Silence makes me nervous. But either last night was the calm before the storm, or I'm in the presence of a good man who doesn't make me want to talk incessantly about nothing just to occupy space, time, and frequency. It was truly MAH-velous.

So my mind, gaping black emotional, relationship hole that it is, is filled with these thoughts:
1) I am so thankful for being able to just meet guys who aren't married, divorced, angry at women in general, complete jerks, or total heathens.
2) I am thankful for meeting a good man to remind my heart that God has not forgotten me.
3) I am thankful for learning how to not act crazy around a boy.
4) I am thankful for the emotional incentive he provides that I can't articulate fully.
5) God is still working on me. To make me what I ought to be. It took him 7 days to make the heavens, earth, and man,... so my husband should be 1/32 of a nano-second in Holy time. How loving and patient He must be. He's still working on me. :)
6) There are still really incredible men out there, who are totally sold out and in love with Jesus -- one for me, and others for my wonderful Godly female friends. That's right girls, God didn't call us all to be celibate.
7) I'm thankful for meeting people who remind me that being 28 and unmarried is not modern-day leprosy. And being 28, and a non-mother is not cause for banishment to said lepper colony. Props to my great friend A. for always being that encourement for me.
8) I read a blogfriend's post about her boyfriend "popping the question" with a ringpop, and it made me think that those aforementioned great-guys-who-will-make-incredible-husbands are not only husband-material, but they are:
a) creative
b) smart
c) funny
d) they get us!
e) passionate about the Lord
f) silly when necessary, or unneccessary
g) Not late, but On Time. God's time, that is.
h) will be spiritual heads of our households

Okay... I could keep rattling on, but you see the point. Be encouraged, single ladies. We are not forgotten. Isn't that what Israel Houghton taught us? LOL.

The only other thing I read/did/saw yesterday, and I know this should be funny, but I laughed, WAS:

The archbishop in Chicago fell. On Holy Water. Then proceeded to graciously remind people that he falls down, but He got up.

I loved it. Just loved it. He did hurt his hip, but he's doing okay.

Oh, BooMama's post about Wii makes me want to get one and play with it and make my own Mii.

Monday, April 9, 2007

Now I've got time!!

Yep... me again. Two posts in one day. Quite the rarity, huh?

Life is ever-bustling for me. As my busy social calendar below gives indication, this week will truly be hectic, but hopefully, (and I am crossing my fingers, toes, and arms)... good for my soul. I am very excited about getting to be a part of a DVD taping. That, and I absolutely loved When Wallflowers Dance. If you haven't read anything by Angela Thomas, start with Do you think I'm beautiful?. It's such a good book! My new problem -- what to wear. :(

A friend posted an easter picture this morning from 1984, and commented on carrying a purse. I had to comment, because, being the effervescent pastor's kid in the Church of God during the 1980's, I was subjected to ginormous puffy dresses with krenlin slips and enough lace to circumfrence the globe once, as well as patent leather shoes, lacey anklets (as they must match aforementioned dress), a white sweater for those times when church was chilly or it was cool, and the matching purse. As I shared with J., my purse was always filled with the essentials for a young PK, that is Kleenex and pennies. And the occassional lego toy, which I can only assume was to keep my punk little brother occupied so that he wouldn't crawl under the pew. (He totally did anyway, and invariably would bang his head on the pew.) While I'm on this note, I thought I would share a few Easter memories... some I remember, and some I am retold as often as someone feels the need to give me a hard time for being a brat.

1982 -- Our first year in Gadsden. My mother got me dressed first, then my brother, in a baby blue shorts suit (a little blue suit jacket with lovely matching blue knee shorts) with cute little knee socks and Buster Brown shoes. She then proceeded to leave me alone with JM while she got dressed. ** BIG MISTAKE** Being the wonderful nurturer that I am, I allowed my brother to get into his easter basket full of chocolate. After JM lathered his face and suit in chocolate, I got a prompt spanking (and my Mama is not one of those sissy spankers either, so I'm sure I went to church with lace and handprints on my upper thighs from her beating me!). Then, my mother had to bathe JM, and wash his suit. Needless to say, we missed Sunday school that morning. It was also this year that some sweet person that attended our church made matching pink and blue macrame Easter baskets for us that didn't even burn in our house fire. We still have those up in the attic. :)
1983 -- One of the women in our church knitted me a sweater and matching purse for Easter. It was white with little flowers on it. I left the purse at a Chinese restaurant one Sunday after lunch, and when we went back to get it, they had thrown it away. I have never forgotten that purse. :(
1984 -- There is a picture from this Easter of my brother and I early that morning still wearing our pj's posing in front of our Easter baskets. My pajama shirt says "Down With Bedtime". It was my favorite shirt ever.
1985 -- I somehow convinced my mother to let me get my hair cut to look like Dorothy Hamil, and I wore yellow. Two things -- 1) I do not look cute with a Dorothy Hamil haircut, and 2) Yellow ain't my color.
1987 -- the was the last Easter my parents were together, and I somehow convince my mother to let me buy a navy dress with white polks dots that, after one wear, I hated, and refused to wear again. She still remembers that dress.
1990 -- I got the prettiest dress that Easter and it had a deep purple in it. I convinced my mother, ever-the-fashionista, to let me buy purple shoes with a heel. I absolutely loved those shoes! But... I had a wretched perm that year. I'll try to find a pic.

Just thought I'd share....

Life and Times

It’s 10:55. I have been at work for three hours and I still haven’t put my make-up on. I haven’t blogged in what seems like a really long time. My friends have been concerned enough about me to call each other and ask if I’m okay. I’ve been really busy, and haven’t made time like I should have and now they’re all starting to take notice. I have a close friend that I no longer enjoy being around, and I don’t really know why.

But enough of that!

I have a busy week this week:
Today -- returning all the crap that I bought for Easter and a friend's baby shower that I don't need/didn't use. Grand total $157.00. (Ridiculous, ain't it?)
Tomorrow -- work and Angela Thomas DVD taping in Knoxville
Wednesday -- work and Angela Thomas DVD taping in Knoxville
Thursday -- work and... I'm torn. We had Beth Moore Bible study, but it's the last night of taping for AT, and it's only a six week study. I don't know what to do!!?!!??!!
Friday -- recuperate from Monday through Thursday.

Easter was good! He got up!!! I did manage to buy clothes that are too big for me since I apparently am no longer able to shop for myself. I looked like a really clean homeless person yesterday in my clothes that were obviously a size too large. Go figure.

The crush came to my house on Friday night, and a good friend got to meet him. Saints, please pray for me that I won't act stupid. Seriously!!!

My heart has been so richly blessed by John 17. If you haven't read it, do so today.

Thursday, April 5, 2007

Absence

I didn't blog yesterday, because I was trying to be productive at work, and I really didn't have anything to say.

Please pray for one of my co-worker's family. He lost a 3-week old niece to a very rare, untreatable, uncurable genetic disease yesterday, and the family is not doing well right now.

I've been scrambling in my brain thinking about stuff the last few days, being trapped in my own ridiculous thoughts. But perspective has come more than once. So, I have been reminded of purpose.

I had good intentions to do something this week in honor of Easter, and have fallen short. Provided my department doesn't have to go to a funeral, I am going to find a Good Friday lunch service to attend.

He died for me. He bore those nails, that crown, that cross, for my wretched self.

But He got up. And for that... I have no words.

So, even with my not-so-positive attitude lately, and my horrible judgmental nature, He died for me. Wretched, born-in-sin, undeserving of grace, Me. And defeated it all.

Last night I was reading John 17, where Jesus prayed. "Sanctify them by the truth; Your Word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world. For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified." (vs. 17-19)

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Love-n-stuff

Last night was relatively quiet at my house. Relative in terms that, there was not a crowd there. Kinda bittersweet -- I love the crowd, but I also need quiet time. I'm running on the assumption that it was a good thing, though.

A friend of mine stopped by the house just to chat, and ultimately pour his heart out. He's going through a lot, and just needed somebody to talk to. It was good to be able to listen. It was really good to not be alone. (Kinda contradictory in lieu of my "quiet time" comment, huh?) In divine fashion, my morning devo was about sharing -- not stuff, but your heart. How often do we really fail to do that? We walk on eggshells to prevent hurting one another's feelings, and then ultimately walk away feeling worse than we do. We don't share. Our thoughts, our opinions, relevant truth. It's sad really. This friend also made me think about the dynamics of relationships. He's a guy in his mid 20's who is really experiencing heartbreak for the first time. TV glamorizes people having their hearts broken in their teens because they're young, and they'll bounce, but I am a firm believer that more people are older when they experience this than not. Case in point: ME. I was 21. I loved hard. And I fell hard too. But I fell hard into God's amazing grace, even though I couldn't recognize it at all. And after my experience, I wanted everyone to be able to experience that same intensity of euphoria: Being Loved 100%. Love truly is a beautiful thing.

And yet, I can be so greedy with my love sometimes. I've got to change my ways. I don't deserve love, but get it anyway, and then hold it away from others who desperately need it. Sheesh.

More oft than not, those things we are so desperate for, we deprive others of, in an attempt to not show our vulnerability. We are totally stupid.

"The goal of this command is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith." I Timothy 1:5

Monday, April 2, 2007

Psalm 139:23-24

So... I'm really trying to get past this blogging funk. I used to blog first thing... right after I got to work, and it seemed to work. So, I am returning to old habits in the hopes that I can move past this *thing* whatever it is.

Last night, I wrote these scriptures in the prayer journal that I keep by my bed. And this morning, my friend A. send me an email from her friend C., and low and behold, something I call confirmation. And Perspective.

Here I am worrying about something that, in the grand scheme is probably not all that important, probably just me being a drama queen, with this friend, Mr. C. has serious issues, but faith like nobody's business, and I am reminded that, I must count my blessings for I AM BLESSED. And the Deuteronony 28 blessed too. But, it is easy to forget when I stop focusing on Jesus.

That's right folks, this morning, I am Peter, looking at the water instead of the Savior. (I'm gonna have to read that book again!)

I am asking for your prayers as this morning I am applying for a very substantial position, in the hopes of sticking around town for a while. Yes, putting Hawaii on God's time not mine. (I know my FBC ladies will be rejoicing when they read this... (you should comment too!).) In doing so, I am publicly acknowledging two things: 1) I am not, nor have I ever been IN CONTROL, and 2) Nothing has ever worked out in my time frame, only God's, and for me to be foolish and think otherwise is well... FOOLISH. I am also cognitive that this position may not work out, and that's okay, but I'm at least trying. So, pray for me if you will.

Sunday, April 1, 2007

Sunday stuff...

I don't normally post on Sundays, but I opted to make an exception for today.

I bolted out of church at 11:15 this morning.

This is not normal for me.

I was sitting in front of a friend of mine, and I could hear (them) praying, and I heard murmurings that just tore my heart, as they sounded like one of my camp kids spelling out C-O-C-A-C-O-L-A, mocking the Holy Spirit. And I just couldn't take it. This same friend is changing (their) story on alot of things, and I just can't be around that. Ironically enough, the guy who spoke in Sunday School talked about separating yourself from people who mean well, but ultimately wind up trouble.

So... I bolted out of church at 11:15 this morning.

Considering that I can be a confrontational person when necessary, I am saying with assurance that I don't want to deal with this situation, and just need God to move.

But my luck, God's going to make me deal with this one head on. Yikes.

And I think the boy had such a good time on his date with somebody else, that he went out with her last night too.

So ... that's that.