Angst

You would think that since I haven't written anything in a week, that I haven't been home. Yep... not even close to the truth.

Turns out the problem with my car was... (drumroll please) BRAKE DUST. I rented a car, took four hours off of work... for brake dust. Sad times. Actually, I am thankful that God is my master mechanic, and takes care of my car everyday. I was frustrated and a little embarassed though.

This week has been a little crazy. I rejoined the Y. I am going to get in shape. I bought the Biggest Loser workout DVD, but haven't turned it on yet. I'm a little scared. If I turn it on, I will actually have to do it. Struggles.

This week I heard from my high school class president. Therefore, in an attempt to not look like a complete failure, I am working very hard to get addresses together. I am proud to say that I have accomplished quite a lot in a short amount of time. The only frustration, and yes, I think it's called that, is having left messages for about 20 people, and no one calling me back. It's a little exasperating. I know it's temporary. Plus, for every five I call, one answers, and gives me heads up on five others. My search is not futile. I just set my sights too high. I have broken down and called a few parents though. In the event (YOU) will not answer your phone, surprise, surprise... your Mama will. Thank God for parents. It's been incredibly interesting talking to these people too. We ask the same questions... we share the same answers. I am preparing myself to be asked 240 times (I've already knocked out 20) the infamous questions "Are you married?" to be followed by "Do you have kids?". I would like to answer with this -- No, I'm not married yet. I don't have any kids, drugs habits, visits to rehab or jail, problems with alcohol, or ex-husbands. I would also like to say it wearing a size 10... (if you know me, that's a big deal)... with a smile on my face. All sarcasm aside, I get excited seeing everybody just thinking about it. I can't believe it's been ten years. My life is not as exciting as I am sure others are... for instance, we had one classmate who is in California making it as a filmmaker... so, while my life is boring in contrast, I am so thankful for what I have. It's my life, and I am surprisingly proud of it. I don't want to come across as condescending or uninterested because if I was, I would not be investing any time in this. I hope that anyone I speak with sees that I am geniunely interested. I am trying to prepare myself for those who do not, even to this day, want anything to do with me. I am trying to get over it now,... so that I don't get hurt again when I see them. The best I figure, it's been ten years, and with the exception of two or three people, I haven't bothered anybody. On top of that fact... I am not the same little girl that graduated ten years ago. I have experienced alot of life... good... bad... ugly... wonderful.

Anyway... I'm sure this will be a common theme these next few months, so if you read this, don't expect any less.

Gotta run...