Thursday, June 1, 2006

06.01.2006 Again

On a blog that I have hidden, I found the responses to a quiz I took. One question in particular caught my eye and made me laugh:

What is your ultimate job? WIFE

I have days where I just feel out of my skin. That may not make any sense… oh well. Today was no exception. I know I shouldn’t share this, but I went on a date at lunch. I am so awkward. Secretly, I think I’m not socially inept and can be suave and sophisticated. In reality, I am a total dork. He was very handsome and very nice. Maybe I’m just terrified of letting someone in that close. I’ve allowed myself to be vulnerable twice in my life, and as exhilarating as it is – the comfortability and closeness of someone you love – I’ve been rejected both times, and it has apparently made me a little gun-shy. But, at least I tried. I have friends who Internet date – and while I’ve seen several work out, I’m scared to do it. I would find the one freak online. And, I would probably fall in love with him too. Then there’s also the thoughts that my standards are just too high, and that I can’t have what I feel like the Lord promised me nearly ten years ago. I’m not rehashing my camp experience, but I know that I know that I know that what God promised that night was for me. And, that’s what I want. It’s not about looks, or money, or stature, but about the heart and the measure of the man. To my knowledge, there have been very few who I even remotely felt were that person, and Oh How I Loved Them!!!

Sorry for the babble. Next weekend, I get to see an old friend that I haven’t seen in at least ten years. I’m jazzed. Another reunion meeting too… so I’ve got to get my duckies in a row!!!

Okay… I’m really going to go now.

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