06.08.2006

I had an epiphany this morning:

I have a friend named Sharon. In 1997, Sharon met this guy named Ray at youth camp and fell IN LOVE with him. She was totally obsessed with Ray, so much so, that she moved to the town where he lived, got a job, and started attending his church. She really felt that the Lord had told her that HE was THE ONE. I think Ray always knew, but he played as best he could. Ray dated a few girls, but everything gesture he made towards Sharon was misconstrued. (This is my observation.) I believe he did make a few gestures that led her to believe that he was interested, but for the most part, he had no desire to have a relationship with Sharon. Fast forward five years – another lady at the same church had been friends with Ray for nearly ten years. Both she and Ray had moved with the pastor when (the pastor’s family) moved. Ray suddenly realized he couldn’t live without Mary, (they had never dated), got engaged, and got married within nine months. To date, they are still youth pastors at the church, and have a beautiful daughter named Cayna. Two months after Ray and Mary were married, Sharon went to a ‘get-to-gether’ of sorts for her family. Her cousin, who had recently been married, brought her husband, and her husband brothers. The cousin kept suggesting that Sharon meet Roger, and Sharon, still wounded over Ray, kept brushing him off. Another long story short… Sharon and Roger got married three years ago, and are doing very well. They still go to church with Mary & Ray.

So, here’s my epiphany – I could very easily be Sharon. I have considered moving closer to people that I love but right now, I just feel stupid and ridiculous that I even considered doing so. How little self-worth do I have?

One of my old pastor’s wives is in town this week, and she just makes me uncomfortable. At dinner last night with a friend’s Mom, I was trying to remember what all happened. I just can’t. I remember drugs, and the entire atmosphere of the church changing, but I can’t remember what cataclysmic event occurred that changed everything. I did remember the pastor (and family) before this one, and all the Hell we went through with them. I have a friend (who I still stay pretty close with) that was instrumental in causing a lot of unnecessary trouble as well. I have to laugh when I see things come full circle with the Lord.

Last night at church, my pastor’s wife spoke about the Spirit of Infirmity, and spent a great deal of time talking about what we say with our mouths, and how that affects our health. Also, how we misconstrued and say things that we don’t understand. She did a good job, and I left last night with more than one nugget of knowledge.

The whole housing issue is still up in the air. Just when I think I have one thing resolved… it falls apart.

Gotta get back to work.