Sunday, May 7, 2006


"I try to say goodbye, and I choke..."

It's funny how the last four days of my life have been bizarre and totally unexplainable, but I'm trying.

As far as attitude, I'm really trying to keep perspective on my situation. I feel like I have talked and talked about things I'm going to do, and that maybe God got tired of hearing me run my mouth and decided to call my bluff. I hope so. With that said... strangely enough I am getting excited about all of the moving and new start, etc.

While watching Grey's Anatomy, I started thinking about trust, and that my situation is all about trusting God and knowing that He is in control, and I am not. All of the things I am in control of in my life are falling apart and crumbling in my hands. This is why God is God and I am not.

Reading Brennan Manning's Ruthless Trust again, I came across two passages again last night: "Wallowing in shame, remorse, self-hatred, and guilt over real or imagined failings in our past lives betrays a distrust in the love of God. It shows that we have not accepted the acceptance of Jesus Christ and thus have rejected the total sufficiency of his redeeming work. Preoccupation with our past sins, present weaknesses, and character defects gets our emotions churning in self-destructive ways, closes us within the mighty citadel of self, and preempts the presence of a compassionate God."

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