05.23.2006

So… here’s my quick entry for the day or so.

Went to the doctor yesterday and found out that I can no longer put off surgery. I am going to have my nose operated on… again… before Christmas. Probably before September. Yesterday, I have five ENT’s with some sort of tool looking in my nostrils and conferring “Yes, Jennifer, you need to have that fixed”. I have to have another allergy test, and will be starting the shots very soon. I’m okay with having to start the shot therapy… I have put it off for ten years and have now come to grips that it’s just a tiny little needle. The allergy test is what gets me. I’m HIGHLY allergic, and my reaction was off the charts the last time I had a test. I have to find someone to stay with me for a few days because the high level of total allergens in my system could make me very sick. Let’s just say, two days after my first allergy test, I woke up tucked underneath my daybed hallucinating about bananas. I had a fever of 102. I am praying that this time will not be the same.

Had some family drama this weekend that upset my entire family. Wow… that’s all I can say right now.

Moving: Was able to get everything moved into my friend’s apartment. I’m staying with a friend named Jenn in Cleveland until I can figure out what I’m going to do. I’m already apartment/house hunting, and will hopefully find something VERY soon. Yesterday, I relinquished my keys to the lady that bought my house (and subsequently kicked me out). She was so sweet. She cried and hugged me, and kept apologizing for making me leave. I cried because I really did like my little place, but I know that I know that I know that I know that God allowed this to happen for a reason. And it couldn’t have come at any better time too. God is good… ALL THE TIME.

“Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are my God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Remember, O Lord, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old. Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you are good, O Lord.” Psalm 25:4-7

While this has nothing to do with anything, I think I’ll share this. When I came to Lee (7 years ago… wow), I had it in my head that I would be okay, and that for whatever reason, these people didn’t need me and I didn’t need them. I came for a husband. The degree was just my cover. Within a week’s time, I discovered not only did these people WANT to need me, but I desperately needed them. I kinda feel like I’m in that same place with God. I can give a lot of lip service that I don’t need God, or my actions will indicate that I’m doing fine without some intervention, but it is all the opposite. My heart is screaming “Please hear and see what I’m not saying”. Lindell Cooley wrote a song with these words to the chorus:

I need you like the desert needs the rain,
I need you like the ocean needs the streams,
I need you like the morning needs the sun,
I need you, Lord you are my only One.

Strange as it seems, I did need God to intervene for me. I would have stayed in my apartment, until I became afraid I would never leave. I was holding on to memories in that apartment that I desperately had to let go of. Everyday we learn a new niche in God’s mercy and the depth of his love.