Thursday, August 7, 2008

Relationships -- Numero Uno

I have wanted for some time to start a topic of sorts on relationships, and am taking now as a critical opportunity to do so. Apparently the radio station I listen to has recently acquired a small magazine, and in the magazine is a column called "He Said, She Said", a sound-off on different issues with a man and woman weighing in their opinion. On the radio this morning, they asked the burning question:

"Can men and women just be best friends and no more?"

Somewhere in combination of my life experiences and what I believe to be common sense, I've formed the opinion that your best friend should either be your spouse or your same sex. I think we see a lot of teenagers and even people in their early 20's who can maintain these relationships, but I'm a firm believer that the older you get, you're looking for a mate, and the person who you confide and trust the most is one of the first people that you'll start to look at differently. Secondly, (and I need some married people to chime in), I think it's a very dangerous thing to have a BF of the opposite sex when you're married. It opens the doors for a lot of distrust and communication issues in a marriage. (Realizing I've never been married, but trust me... a guy in an office next to me is filing for divorce because the boundary lines got crossed.) The male radio host this morning truly believes (or played Devil's advocate well) that you can be without anything happening.

I do believe that there are exceptions to the rule on this... but the general majority is not the exception.

What do you think??

I'd love to hear from marrieds, singles, younger, not-so-younger!!! (Also, I'm opening unmoderated comments to start the rolling dialogue.)


Holly said...

Good question Jenn. Ben and I have been married almost 10 years and he has a very close friend who is female. Now granted, she and I are close as well and she lives in TX. I've never felt an issue with it and he never sees her when the kids and I are not with him. It's like she equates us a "unit" or couple I guess is better and not as individuals. But...she was Ben's friend first and then became mine. So, in our case the boundaries are very well defined I think.

I do agree that the majority of cases would not be such a positive experience.

The Miles Family said...

Well... Brandon and I have been married for 7 years.
In high school I had a guy best friend. If we still lived close to one another we might still have that close relationship, but there are things now in my life that I'm sure I would not feel as comfortable sharing with a single guy.
I don't think Brandon would have an issue with it, but I would like to think that I wouldn't "need" that relationship as much now, as a married mom of 2, as I did when I was a single gal.

Aims said...

I think you can be friends with someone of the opposite sex, but I think your best friend needs to be your spouse/significant other. I don't want to go into detail, but texting, calling, emailing, and going out with someone that is not your significant other can be dangerous. I am not saying males cannot be faithful, but if there is someone there that they feel they can talk to, there's more temptation for them to become "distracted." I don't have a problem with texting or calling, but when it becomes a daily (more than once a day) thing, then there's something you need to talk about. That's just my opinion...

Broken Shadows said...

I know I am late on giving my answer to this question but I really wanted to put as much thought into my answer before I wrote it. As most know I am not in any kind of serious relationship and never have been so my answer may be null or void as of this point.

Relationships are built on the belief of a certain trust and faith much like the one we build with God in some ways. We must learn to trust and walk by faith and believe in this relationship. If the relationship that one is currently in was heaven sent and both parties are practicing the faith of the church then there would be no fear or mistrust open in the relationship. Isn't mistrust and fear evil and not instilled into us by God but thru the enemy? I'm not saying that this wouldn't open the possibility of any certain casualties as Adam & Eve proved that in the garden. Once we begin to try and control the actions/relationships of our significant others we begin to constrict our own relationship which could be offset with a rebellion of sorts causing far more damage then ever intended. Sometimes we just need that freedom to confide in someone of the opposites to understand what is going on and help us to become a better person in our current relationship. I do believe there should be some moderate boundaries but trust must be there without the feeling of betrayal for the process to work and keep the relationship healthy and free.

A great example that comes to mind when I think of this topic would be the preachers. How many private phone calls and private talks has he/she been in that require a level of confidentiality. I wonder at times how does the spouse of the preacher deal with these feelings? Maybe you know the answer to this question since you grew up within this environment of being the preachers kid.