But, it's time for one of those ridiculously, deeply personal blogs. Stuff that weighs on my mind, you know? I appreciate your comments, and feedback, and am even going to open comments without moderation, because this subject is that deep for me.
My friend Royce posted a few days ago about sexual frustration, as a Christian woman. Her post was brilliant and funny and candid. And, even though I now realize that I have failed to comment, her thoughts stand true for me too.
Tonight, I had the privilege to really "get to know" another friend of mine and hear their struggles and who they really think they are. It was revealing because I had mistakenly made assumptions about this person.
(See Sunburned, when I assume, I do make an ass out of me!) :D
But, ... back to the topic at hand. I know I've already had one bullet post today, but another can't hurt, you know?
So, for your reading pleasure, my thoughts.
- Sometimes, it's frustrating to be a Christian woman.
- I am still a virgin.
- That's something that NOW I am incredibly proud of.
- Ten years ago, I would have handed it out to the first taker.
- God Grace is Sufficient, YO.
- I have never been drunk a day in my life.
- I've never even been close.
- I am not ashamed of that.
- I've never smoked.
- I've never done drugs.
- When I come in close proximity to drugs... it freaks me out.
- Literally, I get paranoid, and I am NOT on drugs.
- I don't like being around alcohol.
- I had a drink with a few girlfriends a few months ago and it made me feel AWFUL.
- (Like I'm that girl that always gives in to peer pressure.)
- It makes people stupid.
- My roommate is Italian, and my house is full of wine.
- Wine is NASTY to me.
- I mean, if you have to have a flavor wheel that includes Dirt, Mold, and Mud, that should be a clue, really.
- To say I am sexually frustrated at this point is a gross understatement.
- But, I am not consumed with those thoughts.
- Thank God!
- However, this is the driving force behind my desire to get married at least a few days before my actual wedding.
- That will be a glorious day, y'all.
- I just don't want to pay thousands of dollars for a honeymoon to stare at a ceiling.
- Yes, I just typed that.
- I don't understand people who can cheat.
- I don't understand how or why people would want to be in more than one relationship at a time.
- I lose my keys in the bottom of my purse,... can you imagine what I would do if I had to bounce between more than one man?
- Lately, I get hit on while I'm driving.
- This only perpetuates my insecurity about my height and weight.
- But, at least I look hot driving a Buick!!!!
- I was 21 before I had my first kiss.
- It was one of the most incredible moments of my life.
- I actually remember feeling like I was floating into my house.
- I was so embarassed to tell my mom.
- I hate when people refer to someone as their "boyfriend".
- I'm totally stealing Royce's term Paramour
- It sounds lovely, and less 8th grade.
- I've kissed only four frogs in my lifetime.
- I could have avoided the last one if I'd used my brain.
I will say this... few people, almost none of my female friends understand what my life is like. It is very frustrating. There are days when you feel like you are floating around in a pond by yourself. The Virgin, Never-Been Drunk, Never-Done-Drugs-or-smoked, Pond.
And, then I remember that I am not alone. God carved out this plan for my life, and while I definitely get frustrated with His timing (instead of Him operating in mine), I am so thankful that He didn't answer my prayers. Only God knows where I would be. I am thankful that, when I do get married, I have a real gift to give. And, I'm thankful that I've had these years to enjoy life from a different perspective.
Be careful not to lose perspective. The grass is NOT greener on the other side. The fence always makes it look different. I know that, and have to pray it regularly.
"In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice. In the morning I lay my requests before you wait in expectation." Psalm 5:3