I realize that I don't share alot of funny stories on this blawg. I'd like to think I'm a funny person, funny-sarcastic if you will. I tell myself that, when I'm with my friends, I know how to keep them entertained.
Well... in keeping with that tradition, it seems only fitting to humiliate myself on the internet right?
Yesterday was Easter. I had pretty much decided on wearing another dress to church, but Saturday, after treating myself to a fabulous and long-overdue pedicure and manicure, I decided that I really wanted to buy something pretty for Easter. Growing up a Pentecostal pastor's kid in the 80's, I have a decade's worth of pictures from Easters gone by wearing no less than 57 pounds of lace, pastels and patent leather. If it didn't have a coordinating jacket, white patent leather shoes or purse, and the occasional gloves and hat, it was not fit for Easter Sunday Morning. With that said, I have a hard time not dressing up, or at least trying to on Easter. It has nothing to do with other people, it has to do with Jesus. He gave me His Best, so it can't kill me to look nice for Him, you know?
Anywho... I went into Belk's in Cleve and as I was searching, I uncovered the most beautiful dress for me. Let me also throw in that, I don't buy too many dresses. Insecurity with my body and the gain of 40 unwanted pounds rarely leaves me in a mood to buy anything "dress-related" for fear that I will look pregnant. An unwanted pregnancy, no doubt? Or a second immaculate conception? I digress.
It's a 50's style dress, heavy material in Kelly Green. I wish I had a picture, but I'll have to take it tonight. Asked what my favorite color was as a child, my response was always, "Geen". So, you can imagine my delight when not only was the dress gorgeous and reasonably priced (50% off), it was the first one I tried on, and it fit perfectly.
See, Jesus really does love me.
I wish that the search for lovely accessories had been so fruitful, but I knew I was pushing the line with this dress, so I graciously wore accessories I already had at home.
On Easter Morn, my friend Miranda showed up at my house around 10:00 to do some shopping of her own. She thought was dress was FABULOUS too. So after a few finishing touches, we were off to church.
Did I mention I wore gorgeous open-toed black patent leather shoes too? Yes, Jesus was going to Love them!!
We arrived at church, and on the way through the parking lot, I knew something was not right. I made it into church without an incident. During the service, I had a gut feeling that there was going to be a mishap, and I could only pray that wouldn't happen. I had to "Re-Adjust" alot. Apparently, the elastic in my underwear decided that it wanted to bow before the Lord as opposed to staying up. In my fashion-conscious state, I decided not to wear panty-hose, in light of temps in the 30's, because I was wearing open-toed shoes. Y'all, you just can't mix hose and open toes, k? Don't.
But on the way back to my car, a quarter of a mile walk or so, I experienced the greatest Easter discomfort of my life as I realized that my underwear wanted to fall off in the parking lot. Right there in front of Jesus and everything. I actually had to HOLD IT ON, y'all. Miranda and I were cracking up as we walked back. Once we got in the car, I had to flash Miranda and some people at Wendy's so that I didn't lose anything else.
It was soooooooooooooo embarrassing.
And even though it was Resurrection Sunday, I decided that those underwear needed to be buried. For Good. Thank you. Amen.