Redemption

Redemption: The act of freeing from what distresses or harms, free from captivity by repayment of ransom, to release from blame of debt, to change for the better.

I put together a few of the six definitions for that work from www.m-w.com. (It's a great site in case you're ever at a loss for words.)

I am at home today; I took a day off.

I talked to my step-brother Billy on the phone today for two hours. I don't believe that he and I have spoken as deeply and for that long in probably twelve or thirteen years. My last few weeks have been about redemption. ALOT of personal redemption. Yes, that is a fragment sentence, but I believe it conveys my point -- I still need redemption. We focus so much on forgiveness, but redemption is just as important. Christ redeemed us. We must redeem each other. I have trust issues that I sometimes allow to invade my judgment and prevent me from freely redeeming people who (I think) wrong me. It's so dumb. I'm working on that. But back to Billy, we both needed redemption -- from each other. We initially started talking about the reunion -- and it traversed into this incredibly deep conversation on what life has dealt us, and how we've dealt with that. Let me say -- some days, I am a scared little girl trying frantically to keep her head above water. Some days, I can breathe a little easy. That is who I am. Who I have become is in response to what I have experienced. Billy asked if I'd ever done drugs, or drank. I kept reiterating to him that who I am was in response to what I had been presented with, also with how I'd watched other react.

Anyway... I'm totally drained.