Yesterday, several friends and I went to the softball field at my alma mater and played softball, a little frisbee, and an Ohio-an game of Cornhole. I have been fairly anaerobic since my reunion last September (I wound up having bible study on two nights, thus limiting any opportunity to walk regularly), but OH, am I paying the price today. I had to pray this morning and remind myself that those muscles NEED to be used more often, so as to prevent mornings where I feel that my body may have been trampled in the night by a herd of bulls.
My weekend was really busy! Ironically enough, I spent it with the same people though. My crush is past. 1) It's obvious how he feels, and 2) having this crush is a distraction from Hawaii and other goals. I don't have respect for guys who feel any obligation to be complete jerks, so all I know to do is to pray for him, in spite of his jerki-ness, even if he is in Seminary. On the flip side, the state youth director from Hawaii that I have been emailing was at church Sunday morning (lo' and behold!), so I was able to finally meet him in person, and he was just as encouraging in person!!!
I did go to church yesterday, and although this is one of those topics that may seem relatively unimportant, (in lieu of the other, deeply profound blogs that I read), but there are two services simultaneously at this church. The pastors are preaching a joint series, but what struck me yesterday was the speaker said, "I'm not feeling it". I've been in church my whole life... you know? I have no problems with series sermons, because I know that God gives pastors/preachers these for a reason, but I'm also up for "divine inspiration". This kind of legalism gets me. Maybe it shouldn't, but it does. The speaker was quick to say that it didn't matter if he was feeling it or not, but the damage was already done for me. There is way more to expound upon, but maybe it's best for me to just drop it now. Maybe.
My perceptions are still shattering about other things too. I shared my feelings about a recent topic with two friends of mine and my grandmother recently. All three of them disagreed, and in a really nice way, rebuked me. But, the whole thing checked in my spirit. Friday night, I got a phone call that confirmed what checked in my spirit. In my own I'm-a-weirdo-kinda-way, I'm relieved to know that what was going on in my heart wasn't something I made up.
Lord,... I am listening. I'm trying to discern what you're telling me. People thought John was crazy because he ate bugs and wore animal skin. I'm not quite that extreme, but continue to remind me that, people aren't always going to like what I have to say. They're going to think I'm wierd, or crazy, or a whole list of adjectives. Remind me that I am not out to prove the world wrong. I'm only here to continue to confirm You. Remind me that "one day,... they'll see". Continue to break my heart to love them deeply, and share with them what you're telling me even when they don't like it. Thank you for your presence. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.