Emotions

When I am angry and upset, I do dumb things. I say things I regret. I make rash and irrational decisions. I always want to go back and be "un"angry and undo all the things that I did when I was upset.

I am angry right now. At lunch, I saw something that my me angry. My insides are churning, my blood pressure is up, I am shaking, ... because I am angry.

In the parking lot at work, I totally just confessed to the Lord that I can't do this. I can't be angry. I can't make foolish decisions because of my inability to control a situation. I don't want to have to undo something, or regret stuff, or wish I'd never said things and desire to take them back. My prayer is: God help me be angry and not sin. You know I can't do this anymore. You know I can't deal with this situation and I don't understand. My finite mind can't understand.

And then I sit at my desk, and my daily devo has arrived, and it's attached below. I am so humbled. I am broken and teary as I sit at my desk, but I KNOW THAT I KNOW THAT I KNOW that God in his sovereignty already knew what was happening when I didn't. And for that, I praise Him with my whole being. Every part of me... body, soul, mind, spirit, ... everything. Unlike David, I found God in my pain. Where I need him most.

Here's the devo:

"Thanking God for Tests"

Key Verse: James 1:2-3, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." (NIV

Devotion: My son sauntered from his room, proudly announcing he was ready for his test the next day. "I've studied all my notes, and I'm gonna ace that test," he proclaimed. "Great!" I replied. "Grab your notes and let me give you a little quiz." We settled down at the kitchen table and I proceeded to ask questions. One question after another was met with a shaky answer, most of them wrong. With his inadequate preparation revealed, he headed back to his room, notes in hand. After another period of study, he did indeed sail through the questions. The pop quiz I gave made my son very uncomfortable. He was sad that he wasn't ready, and sadder that he had to go back and study harder. My intent was certainly not to hurt his feelings, but to reveal the weak areas of his study so he could tighten the gaps and be ready for the real test.

Just as I tested my son, God tests me. He often puts me in uncomfortable positions to uncover weak areas. God doesn't point out my weakness to take advantage of me. Instead, His testing is to reveal areas that need work, so I will be strong enough to persevere and eventually succeed in what He's called me to do. God uses all kinds of life situations to test us. Testing can take the form of difficult people in our lives, times of waiting, or a challenge to step outside our comfort zone to be obedient. Will we avoid the situation? Will we suffer through it and quit because it's too hard? Or will we persevere and overcome?

We might think God gets frustrated with us when we "fail" a test. I sometimes wonder if God wants to give up on me when I repeat the same mistakes. But just because my son didn't know the answers on our mini-quiz didn't mean I would give up on him. Just the opposite! I wanted him to succeed and was willing to give him test after test to make sure he was ready.
God's testing can be to prepare us for something more important, and often more difficult. He wants to see if we can sustain the pressure in preparation for something big. So, the next time your Heavenly Father calls you up for a pop-quiz, consider His desire to see you succeed. If a weakness is revealed, thank Him for helping you move to the next level by strengthening you.

My Prayer for Today: Precious Lord, thank You for caring enough about my character and life to test me. Help me to see Your testing as a sign of Your love, and to be thankful for it. I pray for strength through Your Holy Spirit to walk in obedience and persevere. In Jesus' Name, Amen.