Various & Unsundry: Part 15

(A comment at my birthday dinner prompted me to look in my archives and figure out which one I'm on. To you... (you know who you are)... Thanks!)

Last night's Biggest Loser was exciting and disappointing for me. And I totally voted for Ed. I am frustrated that he was given a huge opportunity, and instead of thinking clearly, he begged America to vote for his wife. She is selfish! Her plea was clear that Ed wouldn't be in, and she would win. Boo to you! I don't like Vicky -- I mean not at all, not even a little bit -- and I am just going to have to pray that Michelle beats them all fair and square. I love Bob, but this season, he had four of the WORST contestants in all the seasons. Except for that comedian from season 3. He was a horrible sport about it all.

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There is a guy in my group of friends who is verbally sabotaging his relationships before they even get started. He's afraid he's going to wind up like his father.

There is a girl in my group of friends who is tired of being alone and is compromising her "wants". She is surrounded by friends who are married with babies and constantly compares herself to that standard.

There is another girl in my group of friends who is terrified of being in a relationship because she has no basis for comparison. She uses humor as a way to build walls and prevent herself from being vulnerable at the cost of being hurt or heartbroken.

There is another girl in my group of friends who would rather have a warm body than nobody at all. She is only repeating a pattern that her sister followed, but can't see that.

There are two guys in my group of friends who are very sad and disheartened about their upcoming birthdays.

I have a very close friend who thinks I'm not worth dating and has told another guy in our circle of friends so.

Writing all of those out makes me sad, but it also reminds me that 1) I'm not the only person who has friends like this, and 2) it's a lot more common than not. We are humans, and we all have dysfunctional relationships. Reflecting on 30, I'm so thankful at the doors that God has closed in my life, and even though I see some of these relational doors closing, I'm thankful that God is so far ahead of what I am thinking/worrying about/fretting over, and is working out the details. I'm thankful that God puts people and words in my path to make me think about decisions (past, present, and future) so that I can put the decisions and choices of my life in His hands instead of my own.

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Turning 20 was a huge time in my life. It was a time to re-evaluate friends, where I was going, who I wanted to be, and where I wanted to wind up by the time I turned 30. Without hesitation, I can assure that where I am now is nowhere close to where I anticipated, planned, or dreamed that I would be by now.

I still want to be married... (and SOON Lord), but I think about the wife I would have been ten years ago, or five years ago, or even three years ago, and I can't help but see how stupid and naive I was.

It's taken 30 years to come to grips with this simple thought, but MY path is totally different from yours. I read the blog of a 24-year old who solves the relationship problems of others, while she rarely lets those people hear her cries, and I'm very apathetic because I can see now what God has for us, not what we think we have for God. There are some 24-year old that seem to have it together, but for most of us, we don't. Constantly putting ourselves into those molds is self-destructive and totally unhealthy. But most importantly,... it is not what God has for us. Yeah, I want kids, but I don't want your life. I want a husband -- a best friend, and confidante, and lover -- but I want who God has for me, not the guys I keep trying to force on God. When I think about the boys in my life... I can't help but laugh. Each of them were good in their own way, but Them + Me = DISASTER! I can see how God used them to remind me of the changes I need to make in my life. And for that, I am thankful. I don't really ever tell people what I truly want in a husband, because I know God's got ALL OF THAT. And I can't wait.

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Completely off the subject, last night when I got home, my roommate had scrubbed the kitchen. In case you were wondering, I like my home to have a lived-in look, and so if every dish is not put away at the end of the night... it's no big deal. It's funny to me to see how different my roommate and I are, and yet how thankful I am for her presence in my life... even when I don't appreciate her like I should.