I sent an email out this morning. I thought I should post it too!
If I Was On A Reality TV Show...
If I was on THE AMAZING RACE... I would take my friend Chris T. because 1) He’s hot, and we’d totally need viewer ratings, and 2) He’s a natural outdoors and would probably be willing do to most anything. And he’s a Firefighter.
If I was on THE CONTENDER... I would get TKO’d in the first round. :)
If I was on AMERICAN IDOL... I would ask Randy if there’s another word for “Pitchy”. I would also ask them why they would pick me for the top 12 and then attempt to demolish my self esteem on national television in front of 30 million viewers. ‘Cause inquiring minds wanna know.
If I was on SURVIVOR... I would lose a ton of weight because I don’t eat coconut, fish, or bugs. I would also have the greasiest, nappiest hair on record, because mine gets oily after a day, much less a few days on a deserted island.
If I was on DANCING WITH THE STARS... Y’all would be impressed to see how flexible I really am. I would be slightly out of my element though, because I can say with confidence that I would have never worn that little clothing in public or that many sequins on purpose.
If I was on WHAT NOT TO WEAR... If any of you would like to nominate me, please do. I know I’ve got fashion issues, and I’m not afraid to admit it. I would be thankful for $5K to get a new wardrobe too. Plus, I like Stacey & Clinton.
If I was on THE BIGGEST LOSER... I would be BEYOND ecstatic since I’ve auditioned for this show TWICE. I would have to confess to Bob and million of viewers that I have been in love with him since season 1, and that I want to have his beautiful, fit, gorgeous babies. OH, and after ten weeks with Bob, I would be so hot, your TV’s would sizzle!!!!
If I was on BIG BROTHER... I would probably get voted off first.
If I was on THE BACHELOR... If I ever wind up on The Bachelor, would y’all shoot me please???
If I was on THE REAL WORLD... I would spend most of my time CRYING in the confessional. Ha Ha Ha.
If I was on ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A FIFTH GRADER?... I would smoke those fifth graders. Plus, I would have to tell Jeff that I worked at KRGR too!!!
If I was on THE NEXT FOOD NETWORK STAR... All of America would see that I secretly wanted to be the love child of Julia Child and Martha Stewart. Because I love providing imaginary commentary (to my imaginary studio audience) while I cook.
If I was on PROJECT RUNWAY... I would be able to do funky stuff with my hair and not worry about the world judging me. I think my friend C. would beat me on this show… ‘cause she knows how to bring it on the runway!