Wednesday, October 22, 2008

I'm Single: A journey through modern day Leprosy

Do you realize it's easier to find someone who has cancer than a single guy with integrity over 5'9" who loves Jesus?

Well over a year ago, my family really began pressuring me to "get online" and meet somebody. They'd heard various success stories and really believed it was something I should do. I mean no disrespect to my friends who have found success online, but I never really believed it was for me. Most of my reservation comes because, for me, it's a total conflict of faith, that out of one breath I could tell God "I trust you, that you have a husband for me", but in turn give Neil Clark Warren $129 to match me up with somebody. Early this year, my mom and I had a nasty fight on the phone which left me in tears, and so, reluctantly angry, I signed up for From the very onset, I was disgusted with how much cost, and how you couldn't just sing up for one thing without pressuring popups to get you to sign up for every single stinkin' feature. After a few days, I started getting "matched". There was nothing wrong with these guys except that the first five I was matched with lived beyond Texas. I sensed that would put a slight glitch in getting together for coffee, no? So, I reset all my "preferences" to get matched to guys closer to my own zip code.

Let me interject that choosing my "preferences" made me feel like I was picking what I wanted on a sandwich, the Subway version of Dating, not something I would like to find in a mate.

I am not one of those girls who sat down and made a list of what I did and did not want in a spouse. (No offense to you chicas that did.) I have only a few solid things I'm looking for:

1) MUST LOVE JESUS. I've always felt like this umbrellas a large number of topics under dating.
2) High preference to a guy over 5'9". I have been tall since the 10th grade. I have too many short friends. It would be nice to have someone taller than me!

As you can see, my list is short! This should be relatively easy, right? Ha ha, WRONG. I was constantly matched up with guys who are 5' 7". Just as a general physics lessons, I wear heels that are 3" tall. So, on a good Sunday, I'm 6'. That means me and Mr. 5'7" would not even be breathing the same oxygen, you know? So, I reset my preferences again.

And after a while, Eharmony decides to reset my preferences for me. (I can only assume they thought they knew better.) So... I had to change it all again. Oh, and all the while, they're sending me almost daily emails as to why I've not bagged Mr. Perfect yet. I'm not aggressive enough, I'm too aggressive, I don't communicate, I communicate too much, I'm too picky, I'm not picky enough, but nonetheless,... all my fault. It was a joy as you can imagine.

I'll be the first to tell you, I met some pretty interesting cats. One of my personal favs was a born again Christian in the south who tithed 10% of his time. He let me know right up front that I could not speak to/email/text/call/contact him from 4:30am - 6:00am and again from 9:30pm - 11:00pm. This was his tithe time, and if I could not respect that, then I'd best be looking somewhere else. (I did.)

And after six months, I left But the ironic thing that I discovered is that they match you up with the profiles they have, not necessarily the people. If you filled out a profile five years ago and never paid a dime, but I'm a good match, then I'll get an email that I've been matched with you. And in the five months I've been off E., I've been matched over 300 times. (I checked again last night.)

After some stuff that happened this summer, I was determined that I should give it another try. So, I decided to pursue another avenue, and hit up Yahoo! personals. I actually had some luck! I wound up going on a really nice date with a guy named Joe who made it clear within the first five minutes that our date was kaput. We had a nice time though. Around the same time, another guy started looking at my profile everyday or every other day. I wasn't a paying customer, so I waited for him to contact me. He never did, but kept looking, so I finally decided to bite the bullet and pay. After several days, he emailed me. Fast forward three weeks, I had to point blank ask him if he had time to pursue something and he informed me that right now, he was super-focused on his career.

Wait, what?

I'm not writing all the details out of preserving my own dignity and not telling this guy how I really feel. But it's time to finally say that online dating is NOT for me. (And hey Dude-- if you're too busy, stop looking!!!) Like I said, I do have friends who met their husbands online, and have good marriages, so I do know that it works. Maybe just not for me.

So, I am back at square one, putting it all back in God's hands, knowing that the last thing I need to do is worry about it or focus on it. I'm confident that God doesn't need my help, or Neil Clark Warren's.

P.S. Because I'm not too proud to say... if you know of anybody who meets my "preferences" ... lemme know!!


Miss P said...

Hey waffle-french-fry friend!
I am super keen to try some of those delicious looking things!
Are they as good as they look?

Oh and I have tried the internet dating thing too. My experiences have been so similar to yours, except I met one guy who didn't talk much on the first date, then asked me on a second date and didn't say more than 3 words. I kid you not. Far too awkward.

kristen elisa said...

If God has a man for me when I move to Cambodia, then he has one for you. :) Be still and KNOW, my friend. I love you.

The Miles Family said...

If I find "him", I'll send him your way! :)

Staci said...

Oooh I feel your pain, girl!

Jenn said...

I tried eHarmony and met a few quality guys, BUT it always felt like a job interview and that freaked me out from making it work for me. However, those eH commericals are soooo tempting. Who DOESN"T want to find the love of their life, you know?!

How about some CoG singles retreat? Hanging out at the seminary? :)

Jenn said...

all the guys I see at seminary are 1) married and 2) over 50. I'm sure I'd love a Sugar Daddy but it kinda creeps me out.

Mimi said...

Too bad your not in Michigan. A good friend is a single youth leader who loves the Lord, is about 6 ft. tall & is an all around fantastic guy!

Good luck to you!

Jenn said...

Mimi, Do you want me to email you my phone number????