Monday, March 23, 2009

This is not the medicine talking.

I have not been this exhausted in ... well, ever.

I've never had anything impact my lungs the way that pneumonia has.

Before you think that sentence is from ignorance, it's not. It's from inexperience.

And in my mind, now just days before the CF Walk, I can't help but gain some insight into Nathan's life. Mind you, no where near the magnitude, but I understand in a more powerful way than I ever thought I could.

  • Not being able to catch your breath.
  • Coughing until you lose your breath.
  • Gasping for air.
  • Constantly hearing yourself wheeze.
  • The constant ache that coughing causes your rib cage.
  • Trying to put on a happy face as though your okay, only to have those moments, when everyone is gone, that you remember, that I remember I'm not.
It is humbling in the deepest sense.

Because of the pneumonia, I won't be able to walk this weekend. Last year, Nathan feared even on Friday night that he would not be able to walk. And on Saturday morning, while my team is making their way around Cleveland, I will be sitting down somewhere feeling a pain that hurts the deepest depth of my heart. To think that Nathan ever felt this is heart wrenching.

And more than ever, in my heart and mind, I am convinced that no one should have to go through this disease. If you haven't given, please do. If you think about it, tell someone. Every single dollar counts.


Tasha said...

Ok you made me cry this morning. I'm so sorry you feel so bad. Rest (and the antibiotics) are the key to pneumonia. I'm coming on Friday. If there is anything I can do to help, please call me! (615) 498-6555.
Praying for you!!

Mimi said...

Oh, I'm so sorry & so touched by your post.

This pneumonia has allowed you to empathize even more with those who are struggling. All of your friends will carry your goals on the walk this weekend, just as they will all carry Nathan in their hearts.

Connie said...

God gives us glimpses into others lives so that we may be empathic and make a difference with ours. Whether you walk or not, Jenn YOU have made a difference. Get well soon.

Paige said...

Even though you will not be able to walk you will still be able to cheer on your friends in their walk. Maybe you are sick for a reason, His reason. I am so glad that I was able to give a little bit of money towards a cause that is obviously so close to your heart. Rock on Jenn!!!