Wednesday, January 21, 2009

... of rose-colored glasses...

Two weeks ago last night, my friend passed from this earth to glory. There is no way that I could have remotely expected his life and death to change my life as drastically as it has in 14 days.

In this weirdo way, I had a set of blinders... probably had them for a while... and in one instant they were gone. Shattered in my face.

And it was awesome and terrifying all at the same time.

And in exchange for the blinders I had, I had a new view, an enhancing lens of sorts, that is difficult to get used to. It's the big girl pill that I desperately needed but never wanted to take. It is sweet but bitter, difficult to swallow but fast acting, and strangely necessary.

I have the privilege to speak to a group of girls night, girls whose shoes I've been in, and whose lives I've had. And while I was washing the dye out of my hair tonight, I realized just how different I was from my 22-year old self. And my prevailing thought is... "When do people start to really see that I'm not that girl anymore? That those mistakes, those actions, those ______ aren't me anymore?"

And I'm forced to take another bitter pill. Another opportunity to understand that they may never see me differently, but I can't let that perspective skew my present reality. Nor can I let some past perspective of who they are prevent me from seeing them as they are now.

It's amazing to think how one-sided the glasses are, you know?

1 comment:

Mimi said...

Yep some peoples view of you will never change. The truly important part is to make sure that you know that you are not that girl anymore. Part of you still lives inside of you, but that is the extent of it.